Wednesday, September 16, 2009

By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 1: The First One's Always the Hardest

Who's running down Chris Johnson? Really? Wow. The run of tequila jokes was... odd. Polamalu's flying all over the place. I don't think the weather would have made a difference on that one – Bironas just hit it badly. Are you kidding me with that interception? Well, that was helpful. Blocked! Bironas is not having a good night. Great throw by Ben on the touchdown. … PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The Steelers' running game is nonexistent, and that's bad. How much did Sears pay Favre to agree to do that ad? You know who's quietly had a big game is Justin Gage. I wonder who Arians was referring to when he said he didn't want to 'ruin' Ben like he ruined someone in college. The Titans need to cover better. WHAT. OVERTIME (barely). I'm not sure I completely agree with Collinsworth's insistence that you just go down in Ward's spot. The Steelers should just pass on this third down. Ben's got a guy wide open in the left flat and he doesn't see him. I'M MIKE WALLACE. (Steelers 13, Titans 10, OT)

Signal Finder: NYJ @ HOU, PHI @ CAR, DEN @ CIN (end), WSH @ NYG, SF @ AZ (end)

You see this? You see why I was worried about the Eagles' defense? Wow. First and goal from the 1 and the Panthers can't do anything right. Or not. That was a sick cutback. That's why you're not starting, Quintin Demps. Nice pick by Sheldon. Now call the next play before they challenge it. … Uh-oh. If you're a Panthers fan you've gotta be wondering if Jake's having flashbacks. As nice as this is the defense has to be a bit tired in the heat. Is this GM commercial with the new CEO supposed to rhyme? … Let's see if the offense can help. Hey, a Brian Westbrook sighting! There you go. This doesn't look like a fumble. And it's not. Throw the flag, Andy! (I can't believe I just said that.) That's better. I was about to say we hadn't heard Jon Beason's name mentioned at all yet and then that happens. Wow. Jake is melting down like Serena Williams. Donovan's been running an awful lot today. Get up. GET UP. breathes sigh of relief And now I've lost sound on FOX. Kevin Kolb lives! And hopefully that's just a “let's not take any more chances and get him out of there because it's 38-10” move. Josh McCown? Really? And why is Matt Moore in the game now? Did McCown get hurt on that sack? (He did.) That's the second time Cole's blitzed from the middle untouched. I enjoyed the timing of Hanson's interception. That was interesting. (Eagles 38, Panthers 10)

That's probably the worst play to call when you're going for two. (Colts 14, Jaguars 12)

Touchdown! Good job, Mark. Of course it helps when the defensive back simply doesn't cover the receiver. The Jets are doing some funky creative things on offense. I like this playcalling. And the fans have turned violently on the Texans. If this defense can keep this up, David Harris is going to become a star. Thomas Jones is cutting loose now. (Jets 24, Texans 7)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close (or this high-scoring): Ravens 38, Chiefs 24

Having seen these highlights, I'm glad that was all I saw. Cedric Benson lives! Who'd have ever thought that you could be rehabilitated by joining the Bengals? Royal should've taken the touchback there. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! And then he cuts across the field to kill time! That's such a Bengals way to lose. (Broncos 12, Bengals 7)

Last year it only looked strange. This year it looks wrong. Meanwhile, Quinn looks shaky. And what Peterson's doing to the Browns' defense just feels wrong. It's almost like they're afraid to try and tackle him sometimes. Touchdown Browns! I mean, it had to happen sooner or later. (Vikings 34, Browns 20)

The Giants seem to be wisely taking the “spread the ball around” approach that has been so effective for the Eagles over the years. How about Hunter Smith showing off some wheels? Hey, if he's a Redskin, who's punting for the Colts these days? The Giants' defense is downright terrifying with Osi back. (Giants 23, Redskins 17)

“The Inconvenient Truth?” Really, Rich Eisen? Really? It seems strange to say that a Week 1 win in Arizona is a big win for anyone but it might be in this case. (49ers 20, Cardinals 16)

Earl Bennett, ladies and gentlemen! These offensive lines are getting used and abused. I didn't even recognize half the Packers'. Three to two. That's more like it. It's either a classic Bears-Packers defensive standoff or both these quarterbacks are off. Probably some of both, I'm sure. Oh, Jay. What was that. I know Garrett Wolfe's not a tall man, but Brandon Chillar jumping over him to wreck Cutler was pretty good. Cutler's been pretty awful, but Rodgers hasn't been great. WTF fake punt? Nice coverage on Jennings at the end. (Packers 21, Bears 15)

U.S. OPEN INTERLUDE: I don't know if tall guys like del Potro (6-foot-6) are the wave of the future in the sport, but as Andy Roddick pointed out after he lost to John Isner (6-9) it's hard to defend against a serve from a guy that size because it's coming at you from an angle that you're just not used to. And if you've got a tall guy who can actually move around and cover the court, their reach gives them a few more inches to get to shots.

AGAINST: The throwback referee uniforms. I see T.O. didn't bring his hands to Buffalo. Moss shows you how you do that. Fred Taylor lives! Aaron Schobel with the interception? LINEMEN RUNNING WITH THE FOOTBALL. I love it. The Bills look inspired. … Did Belichick really go for it on fourth down there? I don't agree with that at all. They've got plenty of time. That's a well-run screen play. Touchdown! Are the Bills actually going to pull this off? Nice throw to Watson. The Pats aren't done yet, folks. Kicking it deep is interesting. Probably a coin flip either way. Look at all those red jerseys converging on him. Wow, he got drilled. FUMBLE! McKelvin should've taken the touchback there... did you see that slight moment of hesitation? Better to err on the side of caution if you're not sure, and he didn't look like he was. Also, like Gruden said, the return's not set up because the Bills might not have been expecting the Pats to kick it deep. And you know what's gonna happen now. Seriously, what higher power did the Bills offend? (Patriots 25, Bills 24)

I disagree with the reversal on the Murphy touchdown – I don't think he loses possession until after he hits the ground. You know who's good is Zach Miller. Is Heyward-Bey even playing? Nobody's evebn mentioned him. Really, Philip? Really? How about Russell throwing down on two guys. Here come the penalties – same old Raiders. Fourth and 15? Really? Wow! We've seen some of the worst blown coverages this week. Where's Tomlinson? Is there not a sideline reporter at this game? You know who's quietly had a big game is Legedu Naanee. The Lightning Bug! Was he even touched? That's such a Raiders way to lose, but they actually looked like they knew what they were doing out there. On the other hand, if I'm a Chargers fan, I'm concerned. (Chargers 24, Raiders 20)

FANTASY REPORT

aPa (1-0): It's good to have Drew Brees. Especially when Andre Johnson, Willie Parker and Ronnie Brown all lay eggs.

JackSux 6 (1-0): Another win, this one led by my stable of Colts. (even though McNabb somehow had more fantasy points than Peyton)

Lincoln Continentals (1-0): This one I almost forgot about. It's a 20-team league on Facebook with a couple guys from my other online leagues and a bunch of strangers. The autodraft yielded me three kickers. I'd rather not rehash that. What I will rehash is this: It's good to have Drew Brees, even though nobody else on my roster managed to score a touchdown.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Fearful Forecast 2009

We recognize that some of you may be new, due to the promotion. What follows are the opinions of one solitary man, opinions reached after painstaking research on the opinions of other solitary men. Place as little stock in these as you possibly can, because there have been years where I've been catastrophically wrong. Like last year, where neither of my Super Bowl teams even made the playoffs. Playoff seeds are in parentheses.

NFC

EAST

(1) Philadelphia – Even though I'm terrified by all the turnover and problems on defense, I think I ultimately went this way because Donovan McNabb's a better quarterback than Eli Manning and this looks like a team that can score enough points to overcome its defensive issues, which may well sort themselves out.

(5) N.Y. Giants – The G-Men might actually have the best defense in the league, or at least have the personnel and potential for it. But we saw how one-dimensional their offense became last year when Plaxico shot himself in the foot, and the always-reliable Amani Toomer isn't around anymore either. They're a playoff team, but the young receivers need to develop if they want to think Super Bowl.

Dallas – The Cowboys still have plenty of talent on paper, but they seem to lack heart and discipline and are running out of scapegoats. This could go well, or this could become a disaster, especially with their December schedule; they could lose their last five games (at Giants, San Diego, at New Orleans, at Washington, Philadelphia.)

Washington – I don't see it. Even with Albert Haynesworth and his huge new contract, they still don't do anything better than any of the other teams in the division. Plus, somebody's got to lose these division games.

NORTH

(3) Green Bay – Yeah, I'm bucking the trend here. It's how I roll. Seriously, Aaron Rodgers will put up the best numbers of any quarterback in this division, and the defense, which was the root of almost all of the Packers' problems despite having good players on it, can't – and won't – get much worse.

Minnesota – I know. Adrian Peterson. The defense. I KNOW. But I also know that Brett Favre isn't capable of handing off 35 times a game. He'll also be 40 in 30 days. If he has enough left and can show even a little bit of restraint, the Vikings could be a Super Bowl team. If he gunslings the Vikings into disaster – which is what I see happening – he'll cost 20 people their jobs. Including himself. And, ironically, Tarvaris Jackson.

Chicago – The Bears made the move the Vikings probably should have made in getting Jay Cutler. But his wide receivers are questionable at best and the defense needs Brian Urlacher to return to form for this crew to be taken seriously this year.

Detroit – It actually can't get any worse. And they went on a similar free agent shopping spree last year and ended up with zero wins and a quarterback who probably wasn't the best player on his team in college. But this space says it'll start to get better on Nov. 1.

SOUTH

(2) New Orleans – New defensive coordinator Gregg Williams has a reputation for reviving defenses. The offense needs no reviving, and I see Reggie Bush having a big year, which will only help Drew Brees and company.

(6) Atlanta – I'm fully aware that the Falcons have somehow never had back-to-back winning seasons. Seriously, that seems almost impossible. Despite that, I get a real sense this time that things are different. The Tony Gonzalez trade was good for all parties involved.

Carolina – Mostly because they won the division last year and there hasn't been a repeat winner in the last six or seven years. Their injuries on defense are going to hurt them, and I don't see the Julius Peppers thing ending well at all.

Tampa Bay – The Bucs are in full rebuilding mode after probably waiting two weeks too long to fire Jon Gruden. Byron Leftwich is a good stopgap until top pick Josh Freeman is ready, but don't expect too much from Tampa this season.

WEST

(4) Seattle – Assuming Matt Hasselbeck stays healthy and their WR corps doesn't get sliced and diced by injuries again, the talent level is about the same as when the Seahawks were ruling this division, Plus...

Arizona – Remember, bad things always happen to the team that loses the Super Bowl. Fortunately, the NFC West is still pretty bad (and the Seahawks are the last Super Bowl loser in recent memory to return to the playoffs the following season). Unfortunately, they've also got the Madden curse working against them, too. Fear – or fear for – Larry Fitzgerald.

San Francisco – To be honest, they're probably still a quarterback away. And Michael Crabtree if he ever shows up. He won't have a fan in coach Mike Singletary, by the way.

St. Louis – There's really not that much to like here. They can't defend the pass, Marc Bulger might be declining and if anything happens to Stephen Jackson it's pretty much over.

AFC

EAST

(1) New England – I'll say mostly the same thing I said last year: The Pats will never admit it publicly, but they are going to be angry and out for blood after their season ended the way it did. BTW, Bernard Pollard's available. I fear for the rest of the league. Yes, again.

Miami – WILDCAT. Shouldn't it have been “Wild Fish” or something? Ronnie Brown's still close to ridiculously good, and things are gelling on the defensive side as well, but the element of surprise is long gone.

N.Y. Jets – Say this: they're not afraid to make moves. Starting rookie Mark Sanchez at quarterback will probably set them back a little further than they'd like, but it could be the gradual start of something. They have a similar problem to the Redskins – someone has to lose these divisional games.

Buffalo – Weep not, Turk Schonert; Dick Jauron will be joining you in unemployment soon enough. T.O.'s not the player he was, I don't know if Trent Edwards will ever be anything, and that offensive line is... not good.

NORTH

(3) Pittsburgh – Same old, same old. The champs lost no one irreplaceable and actually get back second-year runner Rashard Mendenhall to help with the rushing attack.

(6) Baltimore – Much will hinge on whether Joe Flacco can dodge the sophomore slump and handle an increased role in making the Ravens' offense go. It'll also hinge on how many big years Derrick Mason has left and how well mammoth rookie tackle Michael Oher can protect Flacco. The defense remains top-notch with playmakers and brutes everywhere.

Cleveland – The Browns won't be great, but they might be a little better than people think. Whoever the quarterback is – probably Brady Quinn – needs to hope that Jamal Lewis still has a tank left and that Braylon Edwards can remember how to catch.

Cincinnati – The Bengals' defense actually got respectable near the end of last season (I'm a fan of CBs Leon Hall and Johnathan Joseph), but it was the offense that went into the tank with Palmer's injury and Chad either being frozen out or having his head stuck up his ass. I don't know. If those two can get back on the same page, things could get interesting again. But that might be a big 'if'.

SOUTH

(4) Indianapolis – I'm of the opinion that Peyton was sandbagging everybody earlier this year when he sounded worried about all of the coaching turnover. And he'd better be – one of my fantasy teams is half Colts. They still sport a top-notch offense and they finally brought in some bulk on the defensive front to help slow teams down. Teams like...

(5) Tennessee – The Titans ran their way to the best record in the AFC before an inauspicious loss to the Ravens at home in the playoffs. They hope to have added more balance with rookie wideout Kenny Britt (Rutgers~!) and Nate Washington, who's good for at least one 50-yard bomb a game.

Houston – The Texans have been the 'team of the future' for about three years now, much like the Cardinals were earlier this decade. If they don't break through this season, I fear they always will be. But they've got a chance to do that with an improving defense to complement Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton. QB Matt Schaub staying upright is paramount.

Jacksonville – Nobody's going to the games any more. The Jaguars will probably be in the same predicament as the Redskins and Jets in that somebody has to lose these games within the division. A healthy offensive like would help. Maurice Jones-Drew is monstrous and will keep them in games.

WEST

(2) San Diego – It's a shot of tequila, not at it, Shawne! The only thing holding the Chargers back at this point is Norv Turner, because everything else is in place for a Super Bowl run.

Oakland – Hey, somebody's got to finish second. (Of course, 'second' could be 6-10.) If Richard Seymour decides to show up, the Raiders' defense becomes not all that bad, but the offense still needs a lot of work and/or talent.

Kansas City – The Chiefs did some... interesting things this off-season I'm not sure how bringing in a 13-year veteran linebacker helps a youth movement but whatever, Mike Vrabel can still play. New coach Todd Haley has shown he's not afraid to challenge guys, but who is Matt Cassel, really? He doesn't have anywhere close to the help he had in New England.

Denver – Understand this: I like Kyle Orton. I thought he should have been starting in Chicago all along over Rex and I think he's a guy who can succeed in this league in the right set of circumstances. That said, there is no scenario where I'd rather have him than Jay Cutler. Throw in Brandon Marshall's rampant jackassery and a deceptively brutal schedule – seriously, take a good look at that thing – and this could be catastrophic.

WILD CARD

N.Y. Giants over Seattle; Green Bay over Atlanta

Indianapolis over Tennessee; Pittsburgh over Baltimore

DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS

New Orleans over Green Bay; Philadelphia over N.Y. Giants

New England over Indianapolis; Pittsburgh over San Diego

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS

New Orleans over Philadelphia (not that it matters; no one in the NFC is beating any of the AFC's final four)

New England over Pittsburgh

SUPER BOWL XLIV

New England over New Orleans (This looks familiar... yeah... these are the teams I picked for the Super Bowl last year, with the same result.)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Fantasy Draft Report: Two For One Special

One vacation.

One night.

Two leagues.

Two drafts. One starting 30 minutes after the other, even. I'm not 100% sure I can recommend this.

After two years of, frankly, dismal showings all around, I'm ready for a comeback to reclaim my mediocre-at-best turf, and Sunday night was when the seeds were planted.

This'll be my seventh year in the aPa league, which Ska said has been running for 10 years now. It's a little smaller than it's been in past years - 24 teams this time around instead of 26. But we're still doing the separate leagues with an overall championship at the end. We do serpentine draft order, and I got the 6/7 spot, right smack in the middle.

Being off on Sunday, I figured I'd actually show up for the drafts for the first time in several years, which hasn't gone all that well in the past. But I feel good about the aPa version of the New Jersey Seagulls:

Round 1: QB Drew Brees - I actually missed myself making this pick since by the time I got into Yahoo (8:03, mind you), the second round had already started. Seriously, that may have been the fastest first round in league history. Anyway, as to the pick, I'd have done the same thing. Brees has turned into a fantasy beast in New Orleans, and this year should be no exception, especially given the way our scoring system values quarterbacks.

Round 2: WR Andre Johnson - Remember how last year everyone, including me, finally realized just how good Larry Fitzgerald was? I feel like Johnson's the next guy that football fans will see and go, "Whoa!" Dude caught 115 balls last year.

Round 3: RB Ronnie Brown - Had Jet not taken Reggie Bush right before me, he would've been the pick because he's huge in our scoring system and I think the hype around Pierre Thomas is mostly that. As for Brown, he's the Dolphins' best offensive player and was the first guy to become really dangerous in the Wildcat.

Round 4: RB Willie Parker - I'm expecting a bounce-back year from the Steelers' speedster even with Rashard Mendenhall healthy and searching for a role in the offense.

Round 5: TE Dallas Clark - Tight ends went a little earlier than usual this year. A few years ago I said the new pass defense rules would really help tight ends and that's borne out. Even with all the guys the Colts have, Clark still gets his. I thought about DeSean Jackson in this spot but passed, and he ended up going two picks before I chose...

Round 6: WR Hines Ward - Another Steeler. He's still the main man in Pittsburgh's passing attack.

By about this time it was 8:30 and time for Rob's JackSux draft to start. The name is an homage to his long-ago former place of employment, and it's the sixth season on Yahoo and eighth overall. He wasn't there, but he was texting his younger brother throughout the night. The last few years we've had eight teams, and I got the same relative draft spot as in the aPa league - the 4/5 slot. We had 16 rounds this year.

Round 1: RB Michael Turner - "The Burner" will still be the focal point of the possibly still-resurgent Falcons' attack. I thought about Brees here but passed.

Round 7: RB Willis McGahee - Third running back.

Round 2: QB Peyton Manning - Not only do I not predict a drop-off, but I wouldn't put it past Peyton to have been sandbagging everyone throughout minicamp season with his "worries" about the offensive changes.

Round 8: Time for backups! QB Carson Palmer - Yes, really. Though I'm still convinced he was freezing out Chad last season (before he got hurt again) 85's antics are somewhat to blame for his plummet to the eighth round and backup status.

Round 3: WR Reggie Wayne - Daily double! Had an off year by his standards last year, but is now officially the lead dog in the Colts' passing game.

Round 9: TE Greg Olsen - The good news for this guy is the Bears finally have a quarterback but still no wide receivers. People have been waiting for him to break out, and reports are he has great chemistry with Cutler.

Round 4: WR Wes Welker - I feel like this guy's rise from "useful return specialist" to "actually had more catches than Randy Moss during the Pats' undefeated run to the Super Bowl" hasn't been talked about enough. He's the evolutionary Wayne Chrebet.

Round 10: WR Deion Branch - Who knows with this guy anymore. If he's right he's probably my main flex guy. If not, he's bench fodder.

Round 5: RB Joseph Addai - Daily... triple? I have an awful lot of Colts. I got stuck on this pick for a while trying to decide between about five guys. It hurts my flexibility a little but I'll deal with it.

Round 11: Minnesota DEF/ST. - Hopefully kick coverage won't count against me.

Round 6: TE Tony Gonzalez - Starting over in Atlanta, he'll give Matt Ryan an end-zone threat.

Round 12: K Ryan Longwell - Dome kicker!

Round 7: QB Donovan McNabb - Obligatory homer pick who can step in if it turns out Peyton was telling the truth. He'd be happy to know I drafted him one spot ahead of Terrell Owens, who I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole this season. Seriously, I don't trust him AT ALL.

Round 13: WR Kevin Curtis - Obligatory homer pick.

Round 8: WR Anthony Gonzalez - Seriously, I'd better hope the Colts will be all right. Fun note: I have both Tony and Anthony Gonzalez.

Round 14: RB Justin Fargas - We really are down in the dregs now.

Round 9: RB Willie Parker - Really? I just realized I got him five rounds later than I did in the aPa draft.

Round 15: WR Davone Bess - Who? I dunno. He's a second-year guy on the Dolphins who some pundits seem to like.

I really like my running back depth, which you absolutely have to have in this league. Palmer could be a potential steal in the 8th round if everything breaks right for the Bengals' offense. I expect Branch and Curtis to bounce back to give me serviceable WR depth.

Round 10: K Ryan Longwell - Yes, again.

Round 11: WR DeSean Jackson - Could have a bigger year as a receiver this season.

Round 12: San Diego DEF/ST - Shawne Merriman's back. That's all you need to know. I actually almost took Seagulls mainstay Chris Cooley here (and probably should've, since I don't have a backup TE and Rob's brother snagged him with the next pick.)

Round 13: WR Laveranues Coles - Another long-time Seagull who's helped me out for years. Will be interesting to see how he does in his new home at the Ochocinco Circus.

Round 14: RB Darren Sproles - Return yards! Plus if Tomlinson really is washed up he immediately becomes the guy.

Round 15: WR Steve Breaston - More return yards!

Round 16: WR Donald Driver - Potentially great value in this spot.

A good overall squad, I think. I may have some bye-week issues, having so many sets of teammates, but I've got a lot of proven fantasy talent and a few rising studs with breakout potential.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

An Open Letter to Michael Vick

Dear Michael,

I'm going to cut right to the chase.

Being an Eagles fan has never been easy. And you showing up has just made it that much harder.

See, Philadelphia sports fans have a reputation for being... shall we say... overly tough on our teams, the opposing teams, the opposing fans and anyone dumb enough to tick us off while they're in the process of being tough on the aforementioned groups. We're loud, we're passionate, we're, at times, overly boisterous, and we truly do not care what the rest of the sports world thinks about us.

And now we're fans of the team that brought you back into the NFL. Which might change that 'we don't care what the rest of the sports world thinks about us' bit.

When I first heard that you'd signed with the Eagles on Thursday night, my immediate reaction was, "WHAT?! This doesn't make any sense!" After four days of reflection, that's still sort of my reaction. Everybody immediately said "Wildcat!" as the news started spreading, but we ran the Wildcat last year sporadically and without you. We had DeSean Jackson in the backfield slot. We can do Wildcat stuff with Donovan. We don't need you to do that.

Look, from a football standpoint, there's a non-zero chance that this won't even work. You haven't played in two years. You're not in football shape. You play the most difficult and demanding position on the field. You're doing it in a system that may be the worst possible fit for your skill set and it happens to also be a system you haven't had a whole lot of statistical success in.

And frankly, Mike, if you were looking for a place where you could get a lot of playing time and fast-track your playing career, this wasn't it. There are other teams out there that didn't dismiss the possibility of bringing you in even if they didn't come out and say they were interested. There were some teams that, frankly, you'd be a massive upgrade at the quarterback position if you'd joined them. And, of course, there was always the fledgling UFL, where you were guaranteed a spot and would easily be the biggest name on their marquee. Here, you're a backup. A situational guy at best. And if you ever become more than that while you're here, then something's gone horribly wrong and you're going to be under more pressure than you've ever faced on a football field.

Oh, and if all that wasn't enough, there's also the elephant in the room known as your dogfighting conviction.

I'm about to tell you something that I'm sure you know by now: People love dogs. Dogs and horses are the world's favorite animals; I've always believed that. I grew up with three dogs; more than half my life has been spent with a dog in the household.

The things you did were horrific, Mike. I don't need to rehash the sordid details for the 2,513,467th time because I'm going to be sick. But ultimately, you didn't get away with it. You spent 18 months in jail, some of that in Leavenworth, one of the few prisons in the world that's known by its name. You spent five more months in federal custody at a halfway house. While that was going on, you lost your multi-million dollar contract and all of your corporate endorsement deals. You had to pay for the rehabilitation of the dogs they were able to rescue, and not all of them came out the other side. You had to file for bankruptcy. Your personal reputation was left in shambles.

You finished out your sentence. You're back out in society and you have the right to provide for yourself and your family and loved ones.

I'm willing to accept that, Mike. But not everyone is, or ever will be.

See, when you think of all the bad things that have happened in the sports world - cheating scandals, drunk driving fatalities, assaults, attempted murders, actual murders - I'm only slightly surprised that there's so much outrage over what you did.

Part of it is because there's really nothing that we can compare this to.

And part of it is because you're a professional athlete who made a lot of money.

The harsh truth is that if you were a mortgage broker or a commercial fisherman or drove a UPS truck, I wouldn't be writing this letter because nobody would know who you were or that this had even happened. But the fact is you're a professional athlete who was in the spotlight and you decided to throw away two years of your life and over $100 million in contract money and endorsements over this foolishness.

It just doesn't make sense. Even to the people who are willing to forgive and/or forget.

People are rooting against you, Mike. Don't ever think otherwise. There are people out there who don't believe you should get another chance to succeed. There are people out there who want to see you fail on the field. There are people out there who don't think you can stay on the straight and narrow off the field. Even the people who aren't actively against you will be watching you at all times. You will be held accountable not only by Eagles fans, but the media, the Humane Society and the SPCA among numerous others. Believe me when I tell you that your margin for error is slimmer than the thinnest piece of sashimi at Morimoto. Sliced in half again.

It's not all gloom and doom. Remember earlier when I said that I thought you were redeemable? It doesn't really matter whether I think that or not. The good news for you is that I'm not the only one. For the first time in what I feel like is a long time, you've got people in your corner who are actually going to look out for your best interests, set a good example, and teach you some of the things about responsibility and integrity that you should have learned a long time ago but didn't. They've put their necks on the line for you here, and I honestly believe that if you're serious about being a force for positive change, of helping spread awareness and discouraging people from dogfighting, that'll get you bigger cheers than any 80-yard pass you throw or any 60-yard run you break. It should, at least.

Here's the rub, though: None of those people are going to determine whether this works or not. There's only one person who controls that.

That person would be you, Michael Vick.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

Sincerely,

Matthew Spaulding

Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Summer of Electronic Armageddon

So I've been gone way too long. But I've got my reasons.

Let's go back to June 19th. I got home from work one night and I was watching TV when it shut off. On its own. I turned it back on and the volume started to max out. On its own. Then it started changing channels... you guessed it. ON ITS OWN. Efforts to exercise control with the remote were rebuffed with extreme prejudice. Finally I unplugged it and went to bed, baffled at what was going on.

The next day I plugged it back in. Same deal. So while it certainly wasn't in a vegetative state, it clearly wasn't capable of making rational decisions. I declare it dead and buy a new 26-inch flatscreen because it fits both my price range and my size range.

ONE WEEK LATER.

After getting a few too many blue screens of death over a period of three days, I started to panic and start my annual computer backup earlier than I normally would have. During the backup, I got another one.

And that one turned out to be the last one.

I don't remember how long I'd had that Dell desktop. Maybe since 2002? Did I move down here with it? Who knows. So I've just replaced my TV and now my computer's dead. (The wonderful irony here is that I had been considering for a while what kind of new computer I was going to get, maybe within the next year or so. We'll be coming back to this.)

So I went out the next day and bought a new laptop. Brought it home, went to work, came home and set it up. Couldn't connect to the Internet. Checked the cable, checked the modem, checked the connector cables. Nothing. After a combined hour or so on the phone with both the cable company and Dell support, it was decided that the laptop had a bad motherboard that wasn't recognizing anything that was trying to connect to the Internet.

Which meant that they'd have to replace it. And I'd have to stuff it in a box and ship it to Mississippi or Indonesia or wherever. (It might have been Arkansas, actually. Let me check. The label says Houston but I doubt it was the final destination.) I also have a metric assload of boxes piling up in my apartment because of all this, added by my purchase of a small bargain-basement laptop just so I could keep everyone updated on my progress quickly.

Got the Dell back a week from that Monday (we're in the middle of July now) and after fighting with it some more, I figured out the other aspect of what had happened: The cable modem the cable company game me was so old ("How old WAS it?") that they'd stopped updating USB drivers for it about two years ago. Thankfully, that problem was easily solved with the purchase of an Ethernet cable, which the comp happily recognized and chugged its way onto the Internet.

The speed of this thing is mind-blowing. Seriously. Why didn't I upgrade sooner? ("Because you're a broke idiot.") Easy there. I'm not broke.

ANYway, you'd think that'd be it. But last week - last Thursday, actually - my dad tried to call me with the news that my mom had been laid off from her nursing job that she'd had for about as long as we've lived in New Jersey. I say "tried" because my phone was busy. And my phone was busy because there was a problem with the line.

Of course, I didn't find out about any of this until Dad e-mailed me the next day. I figured - and hoped - that maybe it was just the phone that I've had for close to 20 years breathing its last breaths. So on my break from work that night, I went and bought a new phone, which, again, I'd been telling myself I was going to do for a year or so and never got around to it.

Turned out the phone wasn't the problem.

Two aborted attempts to contact the phone company later and I had an appointment because their remote test couldn't determine if the problem was inside or outside the apartment and somebody would have to come look. In the meantime, I actually had to turn my cell phone on for a week straight. I drained the battery on it. That's happened maybe one other time since I've had it.

This was finally resolved today. The guy showed up at about 8:30 this morning (!) and pokes around inside and outside for a while before finding the problem: a short in the wiring. It's possible that something related to last week's thunderstorms had caused the wiring to short out, but the outside connector box was pretty old anyway (Aside: The next building I move into will be much, much newer than this one. I've had a toilet and water heater go down on my watch and now this.) and probably just conked out on its own. It was a surprisingly easy fix - of course, they're trained professionals - and he was on his way before 10 and I set up my new phone, alerted everyone, and went back to bed.

(Though, to be honest, the telemarketers? The static? Didn't miss any of that.)

Anyway, I'm back, and it's almost football season to boot, so TJD business will definitely be picking up. (Among other things, the JackSux 6 draft is Saturday unless it isn't anymore.)

P.S. - This has been my ringtone for the last week.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Out and Back: Star Trek

I almost didn't bother.

That'll sound strange coming from not only the son of a Trekkie (Mom has the entire original series on VHS. VHS!) but from someone who has more friends that are into the franchise than any human being should be allowed to have.

I don't have to tell any of you out there that there's an inherent danger when you've given the keys to a franchise property. And if there's any group that's more fanatical about accuracy than comic book fans, it's Star Trek fans (Though both pale in comparison to Star Wars fans. Seriously.), and they've seen their franchise fall upon hard times (see: the last two feature films, the entire run of "Enterprise".) J.J. Abrams and company had to get this right. So when I saw the trailers, I wasn't turned off, but I was... concerned. It almost looked too - and I'm about to make up a word here because I'm not sure how else to say this - "actiony" for a Star Trek movie. But practically everyone I trust said this was worth seeing.

They were pretty much right.

In 1966, they couldn't make an original Enterprise that looks the way it does in this movie. It's a "modernized" look, but it doesn't necessarily outshine those that came after it. A move like this needs to look good, and this one does - sleek and shiny in all the right places; and dark, gritty and foreboding in all of those right places.

I don't envy Chris Pine at all. This movie with Lindsay Lohan in 2006 was his highest billing before getting the role of Kirk, and I'm not sure that ever saw the inside of a theater. So going from that to this... not exactly baby steps. But he's up to the task and plays well with everyone else in the cast, which is so important for these characters. Zachary Quinto plays the most conflicted Spock ever (they've done some playing around with Spock battling his half-human side in the movies, but that envelope's never been pushed like this), and everyone else falls into line. Also, and this is as spoilerish and I plan to get, I like when guest stars serve a purpose and don't just show up for the sake of showing up.

One thing I will say, understanding that you don't want the movie to be too long, is that now I kind of want to see a "Kirk at Starfleet Academy" series. Abrams and company did their homework and stayed true to the characters while freshening them up at the same time, so if that's on the horizon, I'll be there.

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Now playing: Our Lady Peace - Not Enough
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Back in the Building...

...Blogger we back on the map...

Sorry.

Other than being swamped at work (March is now our worst month, with the state wrestling tournament, the A-10 basketball tournament, state basketball playoffs and spring training), we've been too busy with nothing worth talking about here at TJD. Well, except for the brain overload that is Facebook, but that's another post.

And now that I've recovered from the sudden obliteration of my NCAA tournament brackets - Friday and Saturday were a bloodbath - here's what's left of my coherent thoughts on the tournament to this point:

Xavier begat Gonzaga, which begat Butler... who's next, I wonder?

Might be Dayton, actually. I had them beating West Virginia just because I thought WV was shaky and Dayton was better than their seeding. Their won-loss records also enlightened me to a new tip for next year.

Turns out that the California team that got screwed wasn't St. Mary's - it was San Diego State.

I don't remember the last time a team got knocked out of the field, then played its way back in like Maryland did. I had them dead in the water after Cleveland State upset Butler to win the Horizon, and then they make a run in the ACC tournament to get off the bubble. Kudos. (Although Grievis Vasquez will be the next Sasha Vujacic, and may actually get punched in the face.)

Pro Tip: If your best player and All-America candidate gets all of seven shots in an NCAA tournament game, you need to lose.

Villanova's not that big of a shock if you look at the big picture. They were an overlooked team - and probably rightfully so - in the Big East with Louisville, UConn and Pitt all being No. 1 at one point during the season and Syracuse's run through the Big East tourney. But they were ranked all year and they're a veteran group, with a coach that knows how to adapt to his personnel and use his team's strengths.