Thursday, October 11, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Paved With Good Intentions

No T.Y. Hilton. No Jack Doyle. No Marlon Mack. Edelman's suspension is over. There's a non-zero chance I'll have switched to either Braves-Dodgers or the Flyers by halftime. WE HAVE A CHAIN MALFUNCTION. Only in Foxboro(ugh). First play is a completion to Edelman. Patterson fights his way to the first down marker. Another catch for Edelman. White with a run. This drive is death by a thousand cuts. Touchdown Patterson with little resistance. Chung and Flowers obliterate Luck on a sack. Who is Chester Rogers? Two big catches already on this third colts drive. "How's UCLA doing?" Low blow, Joe. Viniatieri CLANGS and misses! Sick move by White. Michel gets another first down. Can't hit the quarterback in the head. That... should have been a touchdown for Michel (it's pronounced "Mich-elle", apparently) but Brady sneaks it himself on the next play. Eric Ebron actually makes a catch! Graphics glitch? Viniatieri hits this one as Buck and Aikman recount that he was hitting from 60 in warmups. Yeah, the down and distance has been gone for a while. The Patriots have been very methodical all night. Aw, man, Leonard's been arguably the Colts' best player this season.




Official review can't overturn this first down. Colts leave White uncovered, and he scores easily after catching a laser from Brady. Luck gets blitzed and throws an interception right to Chung. Gostkowski hits from 45 and it's 24-3 Pats at halftime. The Flyers game hasn't started yet.




Colts suddenly on the move. Hey, Ebron made another catch! This time for a touchdown! Interception Colts! That's on Hogan — it deflected out of his hands and he 100 percent should have caught that. That's a fumble? Which McCourty? (They're teammates now.) Ah, Devin, who also recovered it. Here's ANOTHER turnover! Gronk gets the ball knocked out of his hands and Najee Goode comes up with it. It's officially called a catch and fumble. After some misfires, Luck hits Ebron. Ryan Grant gets a first down. Touchdown Colts and it's a 7-point game! Patriots answering? There's Edelman again. Touchdown Josh Gordon!


That was not methodical. That was FAST. That's Brady's 500th career touchdown pass, and Gordon had to fight for every inch open he got. Gilmore jumps in front of Ebron and almost intercepts Luck. Colts convert a 4th and 5, but a fumble on the next play gives the ball back to the Pats. First play, Michel goes left side, pops some poor sap with a stiff arm, and scores untouched. Colts facing fourth and 6 into the end zone... no. We're done. After a punt, the Colts put together a drive that won't make much difference. This pass to Swoope a touchdown but it won't matter. As it's being reviewed, Buck remembers New York Times sports columnist Dave Anderson, who died today. The call is overturned and it's first and goal at the 1. Touchdown Ebron and this one will count. It won't matter, either. Brady greets Jacoby Brissett after the game. "You know you were never a threat to me, right?" (Patriots 38, Colts 24)

Signal Finder: JAX @ KC, BAL @ CLE (end), NYG @ CAR, MIN @ PHI, LAR @ SEA (end)

Raining in Kansas City. Jet sweep to Hill for 40 yards is negated by a hold on Watkins. Even the FULLBACK makes big plays in this offense. Mahomes runs for a touchdown.




Field goal is good. The problem the Jaguars are going to have is they can't score enough points to keep up with the Chiefs' offense if things go south defensively. Fournette didn't make the trip, and now Corey Grant's hurt, so the Jags are short on runners. Interception?




Mahomes connecting with Kelce much earlier than he did last week. Second and goal completely breaks down. Um, pass protection? Never mind, that was a coverage sack. Field goal is good. Bortles throws a screen DIRECTLY to Chris Jones, who's a defensive lineman for the Chiefs and proceeds to put a fake ON BORTLES as he returns it for a touchdown. There's a flag, but it's a face mask on the Jaguars. 20-0, and 10 points in seven seconds. Bortles hits D.J. Chark deep. It ends up not mattering. Halftime. The first real Jalen Ramsey-Tyreek Hill confrontation ends with safety help and an incompletion. Mahomes finds Kelce for a big gain. Field goal makes it 23-0. I feel like there's a set of circumstances where Dede Westbrook ends up becoming the Jaguars' best receiver. Touchdown Yeldon.




So Jones just got ejected for punching a guy on the ground during the extra point attempt. The official's RIGHT THERE. Hill wins that matchup with Ramsey for 36 yards,and Mahomes got roughed. Touchdown Tyreek Hill. Are we leaving? (Chiefs 30, Jaguars 14)

Are the Browns... winning? The Ravens are driving, I can tell you that. We've had a field goal blocked in this game, apparently. Ravens in field goal range with three minutes left. Ravens convert a 3rd and 12. Drive is killed by two drops, including one by Crabtree in the end zone. Tucker hits and it's 9-9 with 52 seconds left. Mayfield to Landry for 27 yards! But why didn't he go out of bounds? Browns get stuck and Greg Joseph is facing a 55-yard attempt. Not even close. OVER. TIME.





Browns haven't won on a SUNDAY since 2015. That's roughing the passer? Refs miss pass interference on Brandon Carr, whose continued employment continues to stun me.




Then the Browns get away with the same thing. Do the refs know there's still a game going on?




This game ending on a safety would be amazing. Mayfield completes a pass for 39 yards! 1:25 left! They're not booing, they're saying "Duke." Joseph back on for a 37-yarder. THAT WENT IN?? HOW?? Seriously, that looked like it was partially blocked. Browns win! (Browns 12, Ravens 9, OT)

Welcome back, Eric Reid. Julius Peppers STILL kicking around. Snap the ball, Panthers. Shepard wearing 81 this week for some reason. There's Beckham. Field goal is good. Rivera challenging this incompletion call on the Funchess play. Can't tell how this should go because Fox sucks at replays. OK, sure, why not. Double reverse to D.J. Moore for a tough first down. The Panthers have struggled badly with the play clock — they've been called for Delay of Game once already, and had to rush the next snap after that play. Curtis Samuel runs through some absolutely terrible tackling by the Giants and scores. Oh, I didn't know about his irregular heartbeat problem. And now Shepard's back to 87. Is there ANOTHER Shepard? I'm baffled. Giants already trying to line up to go for it on 4th and 3 but they won't get this play off. Pass is incomplete. Field your kicks, Giants. My God. Touchdown Panthers after some comedy in the end zone. Eli can't complete a pass right now. Is there something wrong with the communications in Charlotte? Both teams seem to be having problems getting plays in. 17-3 Panthers after that field goal. Beckham THROWS to a wide-open Barkley, who takes it in! That's the best pass the Giants have thrown all year. Cam fumbles on a third-down run, but they catch a break when the defender who recovered it was out of bounds. Charles Davis gives Kenny Albert deserved props for spotting that. Field goal is good. Apparently there are two Shepards. Eli almost gets picked but Beckham plays defense and knocks the ball down. Then Bradberry (the defender there) gets big-time payback when he knocks the ball out of Beckham's hands in the end zone. Clutch. Giants settle for three. Cam runs for a first down, doing what he does. Giants get hit with three straight penalties, including two on D.W. Webb, who gets dinged for holding and arguing with an official. Panthers ball at the Giants' 16. Interception! Four plays later, Mike Adams baits Eli into an interception. Sterling Shepard furious on the sideline. #81 is Russell Shepard, who's still in the league. That's a tough personal foul on the hit on Wright. McCaffrey gets the ball in a flash and is in the end zone before the Giants saw what happened. Another interception by Adams. Looks like miscommunication between Eli and Sterling. Now Jenkins picks off Cam. (That was four interceptions in a span of 27 offensive plays.) That's Beckham's first touchdown catch of the year. Giants go for two and get it. 27-24. Panthers facing 4th and 1. This should be a sneak as they go for it from the Giants' 44. Bootleg pass COMPLETE to Wright! I'm with Davis, I thought he'd throw to McCaffrey in the flat. Giants do well to get a stop. Field goal is good, but we haven't reached the 2-minute warning yet. Russell Shepard absolutely TORCHES this kid and... scores? It's reviewed, and Shepard was touched down at the 15. Barkley catches a pass in the flat and leaps into the end zone! Did he land funny? Extra point is GOOD and the Giants lead! Really, Panthers? Who called a run on 3rd and 1 with no timeouts left? Are they kicking a 63-yard field goal here? IT'S GOOD!!!






Jesus. That would've been good from 70. (Panthers 33, Giants 31)

Cousins slings one and Thielen dives for a first down catch. Vikings actually doing a little bit of running with no Dalvin Cook. Bailey CLANGS off the upright and OUT. Eagles' pass protection still an issue. The Vikings should attack this Eagles secondary. Mills with a solid pass breakup on 3rd down. Vikings sniff out a pitch on 3rd and 1. Buck waves to us from the booth. Graham with a sack. Hey, a Shelton Gibson sighting! Ajayi takes a lick from Sendejo. Smallwood drops a third down pass and the Eagles settle for three. Diggs makes two moves and gets a first down, then takes a handoff for a decent gain. It should be noted that the Eagles are shorthanded up front. And then Corey Graham and Darby go off within three plays of each other. Bailey misses AGAIN. Is he washed? Did the Cowboys actually know something the rest of us didn't? Wentz has time and hits Agholor. Goedert with a catch. Wentz it hit and fumbles(?), and Linval Joseph rumbles 62 yards for a touchdown. False start prevents delay of game. Chris Long whiffs on a sack and Cousins completes to Thielen for a first down. Lot of short stuff working for the Vikings. Bennett's sack is canceled out by a roughing penalty that the crowd hates. (Periera wasn't sold on it, either.) Darby's hold can't stop Thielen from catching a touchdown.




17-3 Vikings at the half. Eagles get the second-half kickoff. Smallwood catches that third-down pass and gets 23. Running game starting to pay dividends. Then Ajayi fumbles and that's the end of that. THEN Cousins hits Thielen for 61 yards from his own end zone. Mills didn't even bite on the double move, Troy. Thielen just ran past him because he's slow. They mix it up again on third down and get in each other's faces afterward. It's getting HEATED. They get separated (and Cox gets in Mills' face) and Bailey hits a short field goal.




Ertz misses one pass, but catches the next one. Jeffrey somehow gets wide open in the middle of the field. Agholor with a big catch. Sack may have kept the Eagles out of the end zone. You can tell Pederson didn't want to kick this field goal but he kind of has to. 20-6. Eagles force a three and out. Ertz gets some room in front of him. Eagles go for it on 4th and 1 and Jeffery hauls it in. This is a touchdown, right? Under the new rules, it is and the call is confirmed. Pederson going for two for some reason. Smallwood barely gets it in. 20-14. Diggs runs down a rushed throw from Cousins and makes a good play on it. This is a bad challenge. FUMBLE? This'll get reviewed. That is a lateral and that should be Eagles ball. It is! Jeffery takes a hit and can't hang on to it. Does Pederson try a 58-yarder here? Not initially, but the Vikings call a "Wait, what?" time out. They're going for this, for SOME reason. "Hulk Hogan?" That's not going to work. They punt. Big hole opens up for Latavius Murray. Rudolph catches a flip on 3rd and 1 and goes for 17 before stepping on the sideline. Diggs pulls in another off-target throw by Cousins but Jenkins tackles him immediately.




Pederson calls his last time out.  Bailey tries from 52. GOOD. Eagles work the middle of the field with Ertz as Aikman introduces the two-score end-game strategy by asking when they're going to kick the field goal. Or they can just score the touchdown anyway. Potentially important extra point is good. Onside kick time! It's up... and the Vikings have it. Well, at least the rest of the NFC East doesn't appear to be that great. (Vikings 23, Eagles 21)

Now Kupp AND Cooks are out? Gonna be interesting to see who else the Rams have. The refs move the ball back so it 3rd and about one and a half yards now. Gurley comes up short. The Rams send out the punt team and the Seahawks call time out. Then McVay pulls the punt unit and sends the offense back out. Goff sneak GETS IT! That's that.




(Rams 33, Seahawks 31)

Remember, Jason Garrett is still the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. No Lamar Miller for the Texans. Nice catch downfield by Hopkins. Field goal is NO GOOD. Big catch by ex-Baylor hoopster Rico Gathers, who Al says the Cowboys have been trying to turn in to a football player.




Field goal is good. Hopkins with another big catch and he breaks some tackles afterwards. Watson gets smashed at the 1. Jet sweep to Keke Coutee and he scores! Prescott off target on his last two throws, one of which would have been a pick-six if Jonathan Joseph had held on to it. The Texans center, Nick Martin, is Zack's brother, which I did not know but makes sense. Coutee almost makes a great catch, but a penalty on the Cowboys keeps the drive alive. Watson avoids a 20-yard sack to set up a short field goal. Prescott's throw is high and picked off of the tip. Nice catch and run by Alfred Blue, subbing for Miller tonight. Hopkins makes a falling catch at the goal line. Touchdown? NO! His elbow hit the ground before the ball crossed the plane. 4th and goal now. Watson looks for a receiver, then scrambles for it, and does NOT make it. Um, why not kick the field goal instead of running... whatever that was?




Hopkins fumbles and the Cowboys get a decent return off of it. O'Brien challenges this Elliott run, I suppose because it would have been a first down otherwise. The Texans get one stop, but not two, and then Prescott finds Allen Hurns in the back of the end zone.




Prescott somehow finds Elliott with a flip to escape a sack. Then he throws another pass that gets deflected... and intercepted. Call stands. Dak is... perturbed. Big pass play to the tight end Ryan Griffin gets the Texans inside the 5, but they can't get any closer. Field goal ties it. Cowboys challenging this Tavon Austin sideline non-catch. Terry McAuley thinks it'll be an incompletion because he didn't make a football move (and the force-out rule was eliminated several years ago.) Call stands. That home vs. road winning percentage graphic is very telling. I'd forgotten how bad a coach Jim Haslett was. Prescott somehow got away from Clowney, and he's upset about it even though the Texans forced a punt. This Cowboys secondary can't handle Hopkins. Example: That's the first-ever PI on Byron Jones in his four-year career. Blue run doesn't work. Sneak doesn't work. Pass into the end zone... DOESN'T WORK. Christ.




They kick the field goal to go up three. Prescott gets flushed left, gets away from Watt and just throws it downfield where Austin comes back and catches it! Reminded me of when McNabb did something similar to the Cowboys. He wasn't completely across the line of scrimmage, so it's a legal pass. Field goal ties it. That's a big sack that Watt helped set up. Texans ball with 1:20 left.




Watson misses Coutee down the middle, then finds him down the seam and he gets out of bounds. Airmailed pass gets intercepted! Xavier Woods! (Not that one, thankfully.) Collinsworth said Woods shouldn't have run out of bounds, but with one time out left, he may have done the Cowboys a favor. They almost gave it right back! KNOCK IT DOWN! Overtime. Cowboys win the toss as Watson comes out of the medical tent. Cowboys burn half of overtime before... punting? On 4th and 1? Watson hits Hopkins, who spins out of at least three tackles (four!)







Blue gets nine yards closer. Fairbarn sets up. It's GOOD! (Texans 19, Cowboys 16, OT)

Brees needs 201 yards for the record. He could conceivably get it in the first half. Peterson limping badly after that tackle by Williams. Mark Ingram back from suspension for the Saints. You can't cover Michael Thomas with a linebacker. I don't remember him being this good at Ohio State. Ingram catches a pass and goes down the sideline for 27, then finishes the drive off with a run. Extra point is MISSED. Peterson's back, but it's Chris Thompson who just barely gets to the corner and picks up that first down. That's a great leaping catch by Paul Richardson. Ball at the Saints' 5. They hold on and it's 6-3. Ingram doesn't appear to have missed a beat. Blitz gets to Brees, but a late shove on Ingram gives the Saints 15 yards. Another nice catch by Thomas. Brees is forced to scramble on rd and 4 from the 5 but a penalty gives the Saints a first down. Brees cashes in, and Lutz barely makes the extra point. It's a little early to be plugging Rams-Chiefs in Mexico City, guys. Peterson just wrecked somebody with a stiff arm. Hopkins hits from 54 yards. Taysom Hill runs OVER linebacker Preston Smith on his way to picking up 3rd and 1. 52 yards to ex-Bear Cameron Meredith, who got behind the whole defense. Hill comes back in and runs a zone read to the 3. Ingram trips but still gets in. PAT happens without incident. Third down incompletion gets challenged. Brees's family heads down to the field as he's 35 yards away. TOUCHDOWN. First play of the drive, Rookie Tre'Quan Smith breaks a tackle and cruises 62 yards.




Brees being mobbed. Ref gives him the ball and a certificate.




By the way, they're going for two. They don't get it. This is a catch and fumble by Meredith, and it should be Washington's ball. Confirmed, and also confirmed is that Jeff Triplette's as bad at this as he was as a referee.




Alex Smith scores on a keeper from 4 yards out. They needed that. 26-13 Saints at halftime. There's TV-friendly stuff on the new Lil' Wayne record? Saints get the ball to start the second half and are in the end zone in five plays. That's touchdown pass No. 499, by the way. These are some long rollouts by Alex Smith. They go for it on 4th and 2 and... well, I'm not sure why he threw that pass, but it's intercepted and returned all the way to the 4. Hill scores on an option run.




Hey, a Jordan Reed sighting. I'm surprised he hasn't gotten hurt yet. (I wish I was kidding.) Smith has been under a lot of pressure this half, and he just fumbled. Field goal is good. Smith finds Crowder, them Maurice Harris, who gets caught from behind at the 3. Touchdown Thompson. Two-point try is stuffed. They keep replaying the audio from Brees breaking the record.




Bridgewater in to take a few knees. Wait, Brees hasn't won the MVP award? (Saints 43, Redskins 19)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (5-0) — That's a tough win
2. Kansas City (5-0) — This was easier than it should have been
3. New Orleans (4-1) — The offense is now complete
4. Chicago (3-1) — Because I don't trust the Bengals, and neither should you

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (1-4) — Valiant efforts, but for naught
30. Arizona (1-4) — That seems about right
31. San Francisco (1-4) — Oof
32. Oakland (1-4) — You really want this team, Vegas?

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Friday, October 5, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Journey to the Center of the Standings

WELCOME TO THE MOTHERSHIP, THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL.


Dalvin Cook's back for the Vikings, which will help. Also, Marcus Peters is playing for the Rams. (Aqib Talib is on IR.)


The Vikings have been waiting on Laquon Treadwell for a while. Thielen's eating on this drive. Cousins finds Aldrick Robinson all alone in the back of the end zone with a perfect throw. Holding on Suh and the touchdown stands. Everson Griffen is not starting tonight, for good reason. Cooks coverts 3rd and 9 as the announcers wonder why he's bounced around so much. (The Patriots could absolutely use him, by the way.) Woods draws a flag on the outside. The Rams use tight ends? Dear God. Gurley catches a touchdown pass right past Anthony Barr, and he celebrates with a champagne toast. Vikings' offense churning again. Rudolph makes a tough catch for a first down to end the first quarter, then Thielen makes another catch to start the second. Was he touched? I'm not sure he was touched. Cousins sneaks on 4th and 1 from the Vikings' 28 (!) and gets it. Pass to the fullback comes up short. Dan Bailey time! He banks it off the upright... and IN. Touchdown Cooper Kupp! The Vikings can't let Barr get caught in coverage against any of these guys. Him against Kupp isn't fair.


The Vikings come right back with a 33-yard pas play to Diggs helped by good blocking in front of him. Not a lot of defense being played so far. Aldrick Robinson again? He just got here! (Seriously. The Vikings signed him on Tuesday.) 17-14 Vikings. A rare miss from Goff and we get to see some punting finally. Thielen back to return, as the Vikings don't have their regular punt returner tonight. The Vikings are on their backup long snapper, Erin reports. Might be worth watching. And the Rams almost get to that punt. Santa Monica Pier? Oh, that's interesting... the Vikings' punter was closer to the line of scrimmage than usual because of the new snapper, which is why the punt almost got blocked. Big plays to Kupp and Woods. Goff throws on the run to Kupp in the end zone, who somehow slows up enough to keep his feet inbounds! 21-17 Rams. We've got some great receivers in this game. SoCal boy Aikman rattling off some names from the mid-70's "Fearsome Foursome" Rams era. The Rams almost got to that punt, too. Touchdown Cooks and this is starting to feel Greatest Show-ish.


Great pass breakup by Shields, preventing a Diggs touchdown. Buck wondering if this isn't four-down territory for the Vikings, who have all of their time outs.


Diggs loses his helmet and may not have the first down. It's close. Spot is reviewed and it's short. Cousins sneak works. Vikings run out of time and Bailey hits from 30 with six seconds left. That kick had some swerve on it. 28-20 Rams at halftime. Rams get stopped. FAKE PUNT PASS... is incomplete. "Video football game", Troy? Screen to Gurley gets 57 yards. Flag is picked up. Vikings keep the Rams out of the end zone this time as Ficken hits a field goal. Diggs makes a strong catch in traffic. Thielen gets open down the middle, then drags Shields into the end zone. Touchdown Vikings. They go for two and Latavius Murray comes out of mothballs to get it. The Rams receivers have been open all night, it seems. Touchdown Woods, and Barr got trapped on a wide receiver AGAIN.


FOX doesn't even have time to go to commercials, these teams are scoring so quickly. Hey, a sack. Sup, Aaron Donald. Goff finds Cooks open on the sideline, and he stops on a dime to stay inbounds. Nice work. He does it again, but skids out of bounds after making the catch. Cooks AGAIN, this time over the middle. These Rams can drive on you with one guy or six. It's scary. Cooks fumbles, but the Rams recover. Field goal is wide right. Rams cornerback wearing No. 41 giving me Todd Lyght flashbacks. Suh sacks Cousins, taking them out of field goal range. I'm not sure punting was the right move there inside four minutes.




Woods stretches for a first down but comes up short. They should go for this because the Vikings haven't stopped them all night. They're PUNTING? I don't like it. Donald sacks Cousins on first down. Two completions to Treadwell equal a first down. Fumble? Fumble! For now, anyway. Yeah, that's a fumble. Rams ball. I've learned not to trust Cousins in these situations. (Rams 38, Vikings 31)

Signal Finder: PHI @ TEN, MIA @ NE, CIN @ ATL (end), HOU @ IND (end), NO @ NYG, SF @ LAC (end)


The Eagles have never won in Tennessee. Mariota starts for the Titans despite a bum elbow. A deep pass goes off Corey Davis's fingers, as Sidney Jones got fooled on a play fake. Another deep shot to Davis works. Is Long lined up in the neutral zone? Third down pass is dropped.  Field goal is good. Wentz drops a bomb on first down that Agholor can't catch. Big catch by Ertz and big run by Ajayi ends up wasted. Bennett gets his first Eagles sack. It's 81 degrees in Nashville and only the Titans' sideline has shade. Two sacks and an Agholor drop later, the Eagles punt. Massive punt by Johnston. 68 yards, and the Titans will get pinned even deeper because of an illegal block that even I saw. Eagles not tackling well on this drive. First quarter is over. Alshon Jeffrey back. Pass protection hasn't been the best on either side. Ertz. Ertz again.


Eagles' defense immediately gets a stop, but a face mask on Jones wrecks their field position.


Stuck in a 3rd and 24, Smallwood gets a good chunk of it back, giving the Eagles a chance to pin the Titans deep with 49 seconds left. Interception! That's the rookie Avonte Maddox, who's playing more because McLeod'll be out for a while with a knee injury.


Why run on 3rd down? Field goal is good. 10-3 Eagles at the half. Ertz is FEASTING. Wentz throws a screen into complete traffic that Ajayi somehow catches. Jeffrey posts up Butler for a first down. Eagles appear to catch a break when Kevin Byard recovers an Agholor fumble — but he's out of bounds. Two straight holding calls back the Eagles way up. Can't hit a sliding quarterback. Wait, how is that not a penalty? Seriously? Jeffrey with another post-up, this time for the touchdown! Davis with a big catch for the Titans, who just got the ball for the first time this half. Derrick Henry loses 12 yards after fumbling a pitch. Mills gets caught interfering, giving the Titans the ball at the 8. Mariota rolls left and takes it in himself. Bad series for the Eagles ends with a sack-fumble by Harold Landry. Eagles stuff Dion Lewis (?) on 3rd and 1, but Cox goes off hurt. Which is probably why the Titans are going for it here. Mariota makes a last-second flip to Lewis to convert. Eagles still hold and the field goal is good.


ANOTHER drop by Agholor. Davis beats Mills on the same play he dropped in the first quarter. Sharpe puts a move on Jones and ends up open in the end zone for a touchdown. Titans lead. Smallwood with a catch and run for a first down. Drive stalls, and the Eagles punt with all three time outs left. Not sure what that play call was. Eagles force a punt. Deandre Carter with a BIG punt return to the Titans 40! He's in because Sproles AND Clements are hurt. Big first down pickup by Jeffrey. Titans play Eagles-level red zone defense.


Elliott field goal ties it at 20 with 16 seconds left. OVERTIME. Eagles win the toss. Three straight runs put the Eagles in Titans territory. And another one gets them into the red zone. Dangerous pass by Wentz on 3rd and 12 falls incomplete.  Elliott hits from 37. Deep pass down the middle is DROPPED. Mariota overthrows Davis on third down. 4th and 10. False start makes it 4th and 15. Taylor CONVERTS. Now 4th and 4. Incomplete, but pass interference on Jones (who hasn't had a good day either) keeps the Titans alive. Of note, there's less than three minutes left. Now it's the two-minute warning, Mariota SCRAMBLES for about 15 of those 19 yards. Succop in to try a 50-yarder. NO HE'S NOT. Titans going for it on 4th and 2. Swing pass to Lewis and he MAKES IT TO THE 15. What the hell, guys. Jenkins had been playing well in overtime until that holding call. Davis with a drop. Touchdown Davis. The Eagles STILL have never won in Nashville. (Titans 26, Eagles 23, OT)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-4. The Buccaneers' secondary; 5-14. The officials in Browns-Raiders






FitzMagic is dead. FitzMagic ALWAYS DIES. (Bears 42, Buccaneers 7)

If this game was in Miami I'd like the Dolphins' chances a lot better. Josh Gordon is ACTIVE. The Dolphins red-zone defense has been excellent this season. But this ain't the red zone. Touchdown Patterson. Brady's first start was 17 years ago today, against a Colts team he would go on to torment for almost actual decades (and may do again This Thursday Night On FOX. What a missed opportunity for a plug.) Bad snap leads to a turnover. patriots' ball at the Dolphins 22. The backup center was in for that ONE PLAY and that happened. Wow. And James White cashes in IMMEDIATELY, bouncing outside and scoring untouched. 17-0 Patriots.


Touchdown Dorsett? Jeez. 24-0 Pats at the half and no reason to think it'll get any better for the Dolphins. We outta here. (Patriots 38, Dolphins 7)

We join Bengals-Falcons at 28-27 visitors, and the Falcons are now also without Vic Beasley, at least for the moment. Bengals take over and Beasley's back for the Falcons. Falcons get flagged for a clear helmet-to-helmet hit. Dalton is IMMEDIATELY intercepted. Ryan finds Ridley wide-open for the touchdown. This two-point conversion has been an adventure, and it ends with OPI on the Falcons. 33-28. Julio Jones somehow doesn't have a single touchdown this season. Penalty on the Bengals wipes out a Green touchdown. Dalton gets sacked and fumbles! They review it and overturn it, saying Dalton was down. Field goal is good. Sanu! Against his old team, even. Falcons put up three more. 4:15 left. Dalton throws a pass that by all right should have been picked off. Tyler Boyd converts 4th and 8. Boyd converts 4th and 6 with 12 seconds left! How do the Bengals still have that time out? They finally call it. TOUCHDOWN GREEN! How do you let him get behind you in the end zone? (Bengals 37, Falcons 36)


Texans take over after holding the Colts to a field goal in overtime. Watson goes deep for Hopkins in the corner of the end zone... and he can't hold on. Someone named Coutee picks up 3rd and 9.


Yes, as it turns out. He's got 10-108 in his first-ever game. 1:58 left. Texans can't get it in and a field goal ties it again. Can't get sacked, Luck. 4th and 4, 27 seconds left, and the Colts are... going for it? Whoa. Incomplete. Still time for the Texans! Announcers are stunned the Colts went for it. They suggest trying to draw the Texans offside, which only works against the Bengals. Hopkins with a catch and run to the Colts' 20. Field goal is GOOD. (Texans 37, Colts 34, OT)

Saints are struggling in the red zone on this drive. Uncharacteristic. They settle for three and it's 7-6. This a catch and fumble? It's being looked at after Lattimore's runback. Romo with the cliffhanger. Call stands, and Romo says he thought it would. Saints still can't cash in a touchdown as the Giants' defense holds. Field goal gives them the lead. Another turnover? Kamara can't keep possession in the end zone and that's on him. The Giants' defense has been very good when it's mattered today.
Saints get another field goal. 12-7 at halftime because the Giants have no time to do anything.


Hey, the Saints are in the red zone again. Well, they're just outside of it. Touchdown Kamara! Barkley finds an opening outside and picks up 25. Field goal is good. Thomas uses his blockers to pick up 3rd and 7. Saints say touchdown. Refs say no. Romo agrees with the Saints. Nantz doesn't. That is CLOSE. Payton challenges. Overturned! Touchdown Saints and that's probably that. Eli throws a bomb to Shepard at the 1. Touchdown! Saints lose Shepard, who makes the two-point conversion. (Saints 33, Giants 18)

Did my man just make a Seinfeld reference? Yeah, dudes who wear No. 98 don't get a lot of interceptions. (Chargers 29, 49ers 27)


Dear Lord. Who let this happen? Hey, Gruden wins! (Raiders 45, Browns 42, OT)

Ravens are working that far sideline. Touchdown John Brown down that same sideline. Roethlisberger's pass to McDonald, who fumbles and Tony Jefferson returns it for a touchdown! Let's see if the return stands, as it's definitely a catch and fumble. The touchdown will come off the board after review. Lamar Jackson back in and runs a QB draw. 3rd and 1 and Flacco finds Alex Collins on a swing pass for a touchdown. 14-0 Ravens quickly. Steelers' next drive stalls. Bad throw by Flacco costs Crabtree a touchdown. Steelers finally hit a big play, this one to Schuster. Field goal is good. Collins fumbles and the Steelers recover. Ben misses deep down the sideline but hits Road Dogg after a play fake gets him the release. Hot mic, ref!


The Steelers caught the Ravens shorthanded and only got 9 yards? There's Antonio. How'd they catch that block in the back but not that late hit on Brown after he went out of bounds? Steelers pick it up anyway. Juju takes a questionably late hit and Collinsworth says this game is about to turn into "one of those." Aren't they all like that, though? Steelers settle for another field goal. Crabtree drops a kind of easy one. Oooh, Skycam. Vance McDonald was awful with the 49ers but has found a home in Pittsburgh. HOW DID BROWN CATCH THAT? He was blanketed. That's nuts. Steelers going for two already, which we've seen Tomlin do many times before. Swing pass to Conner, who gets upended into the end zone. Tied at 14. Replay shows Brown's double move on Marlon Humphrey didn't even work. Flacco overthrows Brown in the end zone. Hew ants a flag but won't get it. Jackson gets a first down on a keeper. Tomlin considering a challenge and finally does. This is why you don't challenge spots. There's nothing there. First down Ravens. You know who's still good is Joe Haden. Flacco misses Crabtree and barely avoids being intercepted. Tucker from 47 and you know how that ends.


Steelers forced to punt. Collins gets hit out of bounds and things may be starting to bubble up again. Tight end Nick Boyle crashes through defenders. Willie Snead gets open for a good gain. Tucker hits again and it's 20-14. Steelers have stalled. How many tight ends do the Ravens actually HAVE? Another Le'Veon Bell discussion, with the reference of what happened to Earl Thomas today. Ravens milking clock. Then they throw incomplete on 3rd and 6, which stops the clock. Tucker is good again. 3:37 left. Roethlisberger gets picked! That's that. (Ravens 26, Steelers 14)

The Chiefs may be the one team that shouldn't defer when they win the coin toss. Can't miss tackles, even between the tackles. Try to be consistent, Case. This seems like a long field goal but we are in Denver. Here comes Mahomes. Gotta account for Kareem Hunt. Both quarterbacks facing early pressure. Field goal is good.


Did Hunt stay inbounds? Looks like he did. That's nuts. 46 yards and the Chiefs get their first big play. Clutch completion on third down. Nobody's open, so Mahomes RUNS for the end zone and gets there! The Broncos are running at will on this Chiefs defense. Keenum then hits rookie Courtland Sutton downfield. Very patient running by Royce Freeman on that touchdown (and pathetically played by the Chiefs defense, especially the poor sap who he dragged along with him).


Snap the ball, Chiefs! That's offside. Devin Booker's still on the Broncos? Huh. Fans wanted a face mask call. This Sutton catch is close. Refs say it's short. Now what? Broncos going for it. They go play action bootleg (!!) and Thomas stretches out and gets the first down! This is a good drive. The Broncos get the field goal unit on with the clock running and hit it. 13-10 Broncos at the half. Why the hell is Good Charlotte still making albums? Who asked for this? This guy's the Chiefs' second tight end. No wonder he got wide open. Mahomes and Kelce cannot connect tonight. Sammy Watkins is hurt? Shocking. DON'T DO THAT. I mean, it worked here, but DON'T DO IT. Hunt runs right into Von Miller. What? Pac-Man's on the Broncos? Butker field goal ties it. WOW. The tight end had that ball CAUGHT — and it would have been a great catch in its own right — and the safety (Eric Murray) just took it from him. Big run by Hunt. That penalty on Eric Fisher (who's somehow managed to escape being a not-great No. 1 overall pick) just took the Chiefs out of field goal range. The Chiefs' run defense has been horrific tonight. Touchdown Broncos! We are now in the first bad Mahomes game. Freeman runs wild again. Or still, really. Field goal is good. 23-13. That's Mahomes' second completion to Kelce tonight, so that's something. Chiefs going for it on 4th and 1. This seems like one of those moments. Swing pass to Hunt gets it. Kelce gets 19 on first and 20. Mahomes hasn't had clean pockets but is still making throws. That's big. Hunt has not run away from contact tonight. Flip to Kelce and that's a touchdown.


Miller was bearing down on Mahomes and he still got it to Hill for a first down WITH HIS OFF HAND.


The next play is intentional grounding. Holding penalties are killing the Chiefs tonight. Again Harris is wide open and Mahomes hits him for 35 yards.


Ball at the Broncos' 11, 1:54 left. That flag's on the Broncos for once. Touchdown Hunt! Sanders picks up 4th and 11 on a high throw from Keenum. Then Heuerman runs free in the middle of the field and gets about 45 yards. Keenum misses Thomas down the sideline, who would have scored easily. What was THAT? Tessitore thinks the Broncos were trying a hook-and-ladder, but the ball's on the ground and the Chiefs have it! This review doesn't matter — it was fourth down, so it's Chiefs ball regardless. This is just bookkeeping. They called it incomplete? Would they have had time to spike the ball and run another play? Booker MIGHT have gotten out of bounds.





It took four weeks, but we finally got a "Tess Effect" game. (Chiefs 27, Broncos 23)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (4-0) — CAN defer after winning the coin toss
2. Kansas City (4-0) — Mahomes passes big test
3. Chicago (3-1) — I don't love it, but I don't love anyone else, either
4. Baltimore (3-1) — See above

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Jets (1-3) — Feels like things have gotten worse
30. San Francisco (1-3) — Might as well tank this season, too
31. Arizona (0-4) — Well, so much for my Rosen prediction
32. Oakland (1-3) — Got a win they didn't deserve


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Thursday, September 27, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Here's To You

Is tonight the night? Is it? IS IT? Stop jacking my act, Buck.




No more Josh Gordon, who was traded to the Patriots on Monday. Three and out for the Browns. Bilal Powell eats a spinebuster. Taylor finds a hole and scrambles for about 22. Flea-flicker attempt is blown up by Jamal Adams. That could have been pass interference on the Jets. Punt pins the Jets at their own 1.




Someone tell ESPN Fox just stole their college football song. These are not good offensive lines. Darron Lee just walked into Taylor. Punt is BLOCKED. Again, Nick Chubb caught out of pocket on special teams as Aikman points that very thing out (that Chubb likely has only three games of experience on special teams, and it's the three games he's played as a Cleveland Brown). Jets' ball at the Browns' 29. Darnold to Enunwa for 16. He's 230 pounds? Whoa.




First quarter ends scoreless, and the second quarter begins with ex-Brown Isaiah Crowell strolling into the end zone. Footage of the first-ever Monday Night Football game, which involved these two teams. (Browns won 31-21.) Oh WOW. That pass floated on Taylor and Calloway had to come back for it, and Trumaine Johnson tipped it away at the last moment. The Browns can't protect Taylor — they'd be foolish to put Baker Mayfield out there with that in front of him. Buck and Aikman talking up Browns linebacker Joe Schobert. Darnold to Enunwa for 16 again, and he gets tackled by falling over two of his blockers. Crowell with two more carries, the second into the end zone. He seems... bitter.




Fans are getting impatient with Taylor. Someone on the Jets did something stupid, giving the Browns a free first down. Taylor hits Jarvis Landry underneath, and he stretches out to make the catch, then stretches again to get the first down. Hyde bursts across midfield for a first down. Good Morning Football plug. (Love me some Kay Adams.) Aikman wonders what happened to the Schrager-bombs. Browns fans love Duke Johnson. Clear miscommunication between Taylor and Landry somehow leads to intentional grounding. Then a sack knocks the Browns out of field goal range. "Baker" chant getting louder.




Buck: "Let's talk about Cleveland sports championship teams." Me: "This shouldn't take long." Back from commercial and Mayfield's on the phone with somebody. And a minute or so later, Kristina Pink reports that Taylor's in the medical tent. Jets run it on 3rd and 14 from their own 1. Taylor walking to the locker room as the Jets punt. Here's Mayfield to cheers. Hits Landry on his first throw for 14 yards. Is that a catch, too? It is! Then he fumbles, but a lineman picks it up and advances it (that last part's illegal, but the Browns will keep it.) Browns' new kicker Greg Joseph slices it back through the left upright.




The ensuing kickoff then goes out of bounds. Still the Browns, everyone! 14-3 Jets at halftime. Taylor's concussed and won't return... maybe ever. Mayfield already 4-for-5. He finds tight end David Njoku for a first down. Drive stalls. Darnold completes a pass to Anderson, but Denzel Ward forces a fumble! Browns ball!




One of the many problems the Browns have had over the years is a defense that can't get turnovers. They've recovered six fumbles already. This return puts the ball at the Jets' 8. NO TOUCHDOWN. Joseph's field goal again just clears the left upright. GREAT catch by Landry at the 1. Touchdown Hyde. Browns go for two but it falls apart, and actually ends with the Jets getting the ball. Offsetting penalties give them another shot. Direct snap to Hyde, flip to Landry, who passes to Mayfield! Aikman: "Is that Cleveland Cleveland?"




The Browns are in a tie game. That's not an omen at all. Jets responding. Darnold come sup short on 3rd and 12. Field goal is good. Buck and Aikman talking about Gordon, with Aikman saying that he just ran out of chances. Duke Johnson picks up a first down but fumbles at the end of the play — fortunately the Browns recover. Callaway!




Hyde touchdown is called back by holding. This Avery Williamson dude is all over the place tonight. He's a former Tennessee Titan, which is why you've never heard of him before this game. Toss to Landry fails. Touchdown Hyde! 2:04 left!




Like Troy, I'm also surprised the Jets aren't punting here with three time outs and 1:48 left. Caught by Jermaine Kearse! INTERCEPTED!! Browns punt after the Jets burn their timeouts. 56 seconds. Terrelle Pryor's on the Jets now? Darnold throws into triple coverage and GET THE MASTER KEYS, BABY.







Are those PEOPLE in the streets? (Browns 21, Jets 17)

Signal Finder: IND @ PHI, LAC @ LAR, NO @ ATL (end), DAL @ SEA, CHI @ AZ (end)

There's a Union home game (well, down 95 in Chester) going on at the same time, which seems rare. Weather's pretty crappy. The center ending up with the ball on 3rd and 7 usually doesn't end well, and it didn't here. Clement back on punt returns, and he probably should have fair caught that. Wentz makes his final warmup tosses and jogs onto the field to cheers. First pass is off target, but his second is complete to Ertz. First down run by Smallwood (no Ajayi or Sproles, and Clement's banged up also). Eagles are driving and have 1st and 10 at the Colts' 14. Clement with the carry. Goedert WIDE open for the touchdown.




Eagles force a punt, which Clement drops, but recovers. Eagles not wasting any time putting the ball in Wentz's hands. They're also using their tight ends a ton early on. That should have been on the defense, not Peters. The pocket breaks down, but Wentz scrambles around and finds time, then Ertz, then he gets roughed. Elliott is wide left from 55. Colts take advantage of good field position and are already in the red zone. Three Eagles had a shot at that pass but none come up with it.




Ryan Grant with a nice catch in the corner of the end zone for a touchdown. Luck turns the corner on 3rd and 9 and gets the first down after getting a block on a pursuer. That was the Colts' longest play this season at 33 yards. Corey Graham knocks down a third-down pass. More than a few cross-scheduled interconference games this week. Josh Adams getting some run in the second quarter. That's the first catch by an Eagles wideout. Welcome back, Jordan Matthews. Smallwood gets open down the field and catches it inside the 10. (He scores if Wentz hits him in stride.) No one open, and Elliott hits from 33. Luck gets sacked and the Colts have to punt. Wentz dives out of bounds for the first down... and gets it! He looks fine to me. Can we really use the term "vintage" to describe a third-year guy? Time runs out on the first half. 10-7 Eagles. Union goal! McLeod closes on Hilton and breaks up a pass. Colts going for it on 4th and 2 from the Eagles' 28, and they GET it. Viniatieri tucks it in on the right upright and we're tied. Bad read by Wentz leads to an interception. Viniatieri cashes in in the same spot and it's 13-10. The Eagles have had success running the ball, which has helped Wentz. Elliott hits from 24 and it's tied at 13. Running Into The Kicker on D.J. Alexander (and he knew it) leads to a 4th and VERY short. From their own 35 in a tie game, Reich's lining up to go for it — but they do that thing where they try to get the defense to jump. The Eagles don't bite and the Colts punt again. Clement's struggled fielding punts today. Wentz fumbles and the Colts have it. They turn it into another field goal. They must have announced the wrong player on that holding call. How does a running back with the ball commit a hold? Lot of penalties in this game. That one gave the Eagles a first down after 2nd and 26. 6:30 left and the Eagles go for it on 4th and 5, but it's incomplete. But defensive holding gives them a first down. The Colts have been getting to Wentz a lot more in the second half, but this time Wentz find Agholor and he dives for a first down. More penalties. Touchdown Smallwood! Wentz 8-for-8 passing on that drive. PI on Mills.




Luck overthrows Hilton in the end zone on 3rd and 3 from the Eagles' 7. We've sure been HERE before. SACK! Barnett got him. Two flags on the Colts on that punt and they're buried now. Colts running a lot of quick outs. Brissett in at quarterback with five seconds left. Hail Mary time. Incomplete. (Eagles 20, Colts 16)







This is officially ridiculous. And then this happened:




(Redskins 31, Packers 17; Dolphins 28, Raiders 20)




All those touchdowns and Brees RUNNING for one might extend this game? Come on, man. You can't let Drew Brees juke you like that. He set the all-time completions record earlier. Overtime it is. Saints win the toss and receive. Taysom Hill's still on the Saints, and he's returning this kickoff.
Brees with the sneak! Touchdown! (Saints 43, Falcons 37, OT)




Seriously, did we just witness the ultimate trap game? (Bills 27, Vikings 6)

Keenan Allen can't drop that pass. Big run by Gurley, who finishes off the drive in the end zone. Nice run by Melvin Gordon. Mike Williams lays out and holds on for the touchdown! Extra point is MISSED. That's ex-Eagle Caleb Sturgis, and this wasn't supposed to be an issue anymore.
Touchdown Woods. It doesn't feel like they move as fast as they do on offense. Chargers rookie Derwin James with an interception in the end zone. BLOCKED. PUNT. TOUCHDOWN. RAMS. Hey, good to see Sam Shields playing again after missing a couple of years with concussions. Meanwhile, Marcus Peters, who went down for a moment on the Williams touchdown, is being carted off with what they fear is an Achilles tendon injury. New Rams kicker Sam Ficken misses from 46 to end the half. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And the Rams cash in almost immediately as Goff finds Kupp for 53 yards. Chargers keep pace as Rivers hits Williams for a 20-yard score. Another big run by Gurley. Cooks takes a hit but holds on. Touchdown Woods! Now Talib's out for the Rams. That's both cornerbacks. ANTONIO GATES LIVES. Who gave the Giants a late game? I might have gone for it if I'm the Chargers. They can't stop this offense. 35-23 after the field goal. Round 1 goes to the landlords. (Rams 35, Chargers 23)

Tyrone Crawford gets hit with the new Rodgers Rule. That's closer to what they're after than anything Clay Matthews has done, for the record. Nice run by Chris Carson.



This a fumble or an interception? That ball never ht the ground. Nice work, Earl. Why didn't they give him the return yardage? I missed it. Unless they said his other knee was down when he caught it.
That's somehow not running into the kicker. Neither offense doing much of anything. Seahawks finally starting to heat up a bit. Carson with some nice runs, than that big one inside the red zone. Wilson with a bullet to ex-Cardinal Jaron Brown for the touchdown. Prescott finds a strangely wide-open Beasley for a first down. The Seahawks' young defensive backs are every bit as chippy as the veterans they've replaced. Somehow Elliott gets free down the sideline and... scores? Nope, he was out of bounds before he caught it. 50-yard field goal is good. Tyler Lockett just toasted somebody for a 52-yard touchdown.




Screen to Elliott takes too long and doesn't yield much. Recap of Earl Thomas telling Jason Garrett to come get him. Seahawks hurrying up. Janikowski from 47. Good. 17-3 at halftime. Cowboys finally get to Wilson. Maher on for 35 for the Cowboys. Good. Rashard Penny fumbles, but recovers it. Oh, Brandon Marshall's a Seahawk now. Touchdown Carson. Elliott fumbles! Nice work. Is Terrence Williams still even on the Cowboys? Dak flips to Tavon Austin for the touchdown. Buck's not a fan of that roughing call. Prescott throws into coverage and, after some juggling, Thomas comes up with the interception. No idea what Prescott was seeing. (Seahawks 24, Cowboys 13)




But why? Than Mack jumps offsides to keep the Cardinals in it. Rosen scrambles for 12 and a first down, somehow getting out of bounds also. Sack ends it. (Bears 16, Cardinals 14)

So there's a report that the Lions were talking about trading for Gronkowski and he thought about retiring as a result? WHAT? Patriots take the opening kickoff, which just seems like a dumb move. This is the one thing Patterson can do. Three and out! That's a win for this defense. No Golden Tate to start? What? Also, we've got a McCourty reunion I was unaware of. Stafford operating with time. Field goal is good.




No Josh Gordon tonight because he just got here. Kerryon Johnson with some shifty moves the likes of which this building hasn't seen in decades. (Actually, I don't think Barry ever played in this building.) Lions making moves. They're challenging this Golladay play and saying it's a touchdown. Patricia gunned that challenge flag — it landed at about the 5. That's a touchdown, yo. ANOTHER three-and-out for the Pats.




The Lions are jacked tonight. Flea-flicker! It fails, but the Lions draw pass interference. Stafford escapes a sack and finds Riddick for a nice gain. He throws too high for Jones and it's kicker time.




13-0. Brady urging on his compatriots. "One drive!" he's saying. Hey, some progress. The Lions stuff Sony Michel, forcing a field goal. It's good and it's 13-3. Stafford opens the second half with an interception. Not good. Patriots driving. There's Gronk. James White with the touchdown catch on a tough throw by Brady. Jones beats Gilmore for a touchdown! Patriots get stopped again. This Patriots defense looks like the one Matt Patricia left after the Super Bowl. Field goal is good. 23-10 Lions. Brady gets flagged for grounding on a 50-yard heave downfield to nobody. Great coverage by the Lions here, including doubling Gronk, who I think only has one catch tonight.




Blount time. Brady throws deep, but it ends up in double coverage and is intercepted! Stop the presses! THE LIONS HAVE A 100-YARD RUSHER! Big ups to Kerryon Johnson. Cris shouts out the Lions' offensive line. Pats forced to go for 4th and 12. They don't make it. Field goal should cap this off. Holy hell.




Now, I will remind you, Josh McDaniels beat down Bill Belichick the first time they squared off, too. We know how that ended for him. (Lions 26, Patriots 10)

You put this game in Week 3 before things go pear-shaped for the Buccaneers. And yet they're 2-0. Nobody knows anything. Steelers get the ball first and go three-and-out. Joe Haden gets physical and breaks up a third-down attempt to Chris Godwin. Roethlisberger runs around for a bit but gets intercepted. Fitzpatrick just cut the Steelers up. Touchdown Cameron Brate. Wait, the Bucs have two Harvard Men? Steelers back at it. Vance McDonald is uncovered, throws Chris Conte to the ground, and rumbles (yes, that's a rumble) 75 yards for a touchdown.




Extra point MISSES. Dungy going into the Bucs' Ring of Honor tonight. Is Gruden in it? Serious question. O.J. Howard breaks a tackle for a first down on 3rd and 9. Nice one-handed catch by Brate.




Booger talks the Steelers' linebackers struggles and reminds us that Ryan Shazier's not playing anymore. Roethlisberger takes a hit while launching a rocket to Juju at midfield. This pass is WAY too far, and a Bucs defender runs straight into the back wall past the end zone. I'm legitimately surprised that doesn't happen more often. Boswell's field goal gives the Steelers the lead. Artie Burns forces a fumble with his helmet and the Steelers recover. Brown makes one guy miss and that's that. 16-7 Steelers. Fitzpatrick gets rushed and throws it to a tightly covered Godwin, who still catches it. Nice. Pass tipped and intercepted by Mike Hilton, who also recovered the fumble earlier. Letter of the law, you can't hit the quarterback in the head. This leads to a discussion on the new hitting the quarterback rules. What they're asking these guys to do is physically not possible. Booger just said it. They fixed the catch rule. They can fix this. Now Lisa Salters is talking with Tony Dungy, who really does deserve more credit for bringing Black coaches into the league. Another roughing the passer, this time on the Steelers. Fitzpatrick airmails a pick to rookie Tremaine Edmunds. Witten notices that Mike Evans pulled up on his route. Fitzmagic is always finite. Bucs defense holds, but they get pinned inside their own 5. PICK-SIX FOR BUD DUPREE. How the hell did Evans catch this? Especially while being held for the entire second half of that route? 51 yards!




Godwin drops a touchdown in the end zone. Buccaneers settle for three. Wait, hold up. Arena League legend Eddie Brown is Antonio's father? That man was a BEAST. Suddenly it's first and goal for the Steelers. Schuster may have actually done well to drop that pass, as he wasn't getting into the end zone. DPI in the end zone. Roethlisberger hits Ryan Switzer in the corner of the end zone. 30-10 Steelers at the half. Wait, hold up: Steph Curry's been in the NBA for 10 years? What? The hell just happened? Godwin made the catch and the Steelers stopped COLD. He walked into the end zone. Was he touched? They review it and say he was. He comes back with another big catch-and-run, though. Fitzpatrick gets victimized by a coverage sack, then gets lucky that he wasn't picked again on third down. Field goal is good but seems like settling. Boswell misses AGAIN. So. Many. Penalties. Touchdown Godwin! He worked the back of the end zone and got open enough for Fitz. 30-20 with 12 minutes left. Steelers punt to DeSean, who takes it to about the Steelers 3... but an illegal block cancels it all out. How about showing that?




Touchdown Evans! Are the Steelers gonna blow this? Good Lord.




Conner with a 27-yard run. Lot of big plays tonight. What is Heyward-Bey angry about? He just cots this team a first down with that foolishness. Punt goes into the end zone. Switzer should have let that punt go — it might have reached the end zone on the bounce. Can't get sacked, Ben. And he doesn't! He sidearms one to Juju for 19 yards. Conner runs for another first down. I think I'm on Le'Veon Bell's side in his contract issues with the Steelers (being pro-management in this situation has become weird to me), but the Steelers may not actually need him. We're at the 2-minute warning. No more time outs for the Bucs. It's over. (Steelers 30, Buccaneers 27)
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Friday, September 21, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Down To The Ground

Wait, the main FOX crew's doing the NFL Network games too? Jeez. Talk about slumming it. Man, the Ravens completely overhauled their wide receivers. All three guys are new. Green can't handle that one. Both teams exchange punts, with the Ravens fumbling their return but getting it back. Flacco IMMEDIATELY gets intercepted. Pass into the end zone gets deflected and... intercepted? Incomplete. Referees discuss it and change it to an interception by Weddle. Now they can review it and this is getting overturned — Weddle's left foot was out of bounds. It's overturned. The Ravens' C.J. Mosley being carted off. Ravens get called for DPI in the end zone. Dalton rolls out and finds Green for the touchdown. Lamar Jackson in at receiver, and Flacco goes to Crabtree for a first down. Is this intentional grounding? Refs say Flacco's forward progress was stopped before his throw, so it's a sack. Buck seems skeptical of that reasoning.







Dalton finds Green in traffic,and Green gets out of traffic and scores after breaking a tackle. 14-0 Bengals. Bengals driving AGAIN. Penalty on 3rd and 13 keeps the drive going. Green AGAIN!! And it's not like the Ravens aren't covering him. He's just been that good.





The Bengals have scored 45 straight points going back to Sunday. Jackson back in, this time at quarterback, but Sam Hubbard just blew up whatever the Ravens may have been planning there. John Brown makes a big catch in traffic (he's not as large as Green) for a 45-yard gain. Pass interference in the end zone gives the Ravens the ball at the 1. Buck Allen scores. Apparently Collinsworth trolled Aikman by telling him he'd be relaxing at home watching this game tonight. Dalton finds Tyler Boyd down the sideline for 21. Boyd again on third down. And this time it's Boyd for the touchdown. Ravens in four-down territory at the 2-minute warning. THE FIRST ONE. Ravens hold and the Bengals have to punt. Flacco airmails it for Brown, but Dre Kirkpatrick bumps him slightly (Incidental contact; no reason to throw a flag) and drops an interception. Then he gets flagged for pass interference and it's Ravens ball at the 1. Alex Collins gets stuffed on first down. This time Crabtree pushes off Kirkpatrick, but the Bengals called time out, so the play doesn't count. FINALLY Flacco finds rookie TE Mark Andrews for a touchdown.




Justin Tucker from 55 and the touchdown run is snapped. 28-17 Bengals. Another interception from Flacco. Things have slowed down considerably. Ravens pick up 3rd and 1 on a Flacco sneak. Touchdown John Brown! Bengals want a penalty but won't get it. Two-point conversion fails but it's still a five-point game with 9:35 left. Actually, Collinsworth is here, as the Bengals honored the 1988 Super Bowl team. Mixon back for the Bengals. First down after a penalty after an incompletion on 3rd and 2. Bengals can't make 3rd and 15, but they're at the Ravens' 11 for what should be an easy field goal. It's good, and it's 31-23. Flacco rolls out... that is a fumble. Bengals take over. Field goal makes it 34-23. 48 seconds left — the Ravens should spike it and kick the field goal right now. They spike it, but they keep running plays. Harbaugh has botched this and they won't get the ball back.  Hey, this score looks familiar. (Bengals 34, Ravens 23)

Signal Finder: KC @ PIT, PHI @ TB, MIN @ GB (end), NE @ JAX, OAK @ DEN (end)

The Chiefs force a three-and-out, so the Steelers punt it short of Tyreek Hill. But DeAnthony Thomas IS there, and he returns it for 31 yards, and then 12 more after he bobbled the ball. Travis Kelce dinged for OPI. Mahomes with a bullet to Chris Conley for the touchdown. Hey, it's Sammy Watkins. Hey, there he is again. Touchdown Kelce! Steelers driving finally. Third down pass is too high and Boswell MISSES from 49. Now an end around to Watkins, who's given them some big plays already. Mahomes to Hill for a touchdown!




21-0 and they're booing softly in Pittsburgh. Sack/fumble/Chiefs touchdown is negated by defensive holding on Orlando Scandrick, who, remarkably, is still in the league. Ben finds Juju. Steelers clicking again. Ben throws up a lob and Road Dogg catches it for a touchdown. Steelers driving again. Screen to Juju to the outside gives them first and goal. Too high for James. Juju in the corner for the touchdown. Missed extra point.




The Chiefs' offense has ground to a halt. That's kind of a ridiculous over-the-shoulder catch by James. Conner tries his best OBJ impression but lands out of bounds, but there was pass interference. Touchdown Steelers! Two-point conversion succeeds and we're tied. 21-21 at halftime. Second half starts similarly to the first — with a big play. This time it's Mahomes to Hill for 36. Mahomes to Kelce for the touchdown. Juju's just gonna run away from linebackers, guys. Is that an honest-to-goodness fullback? This is close. It's called a touchdown and I think it'll stand. Yep. Put it on the board for Conner. We're tied again. That hair is terrible. The Steelers cannot tackle Travis Kelce.




Touchdown Chiefs. Incomplete, they now say. Nah, that's a catch. Throw the flag, Andy. Call reversed. Touchdown. Mahomes just missed Watkins. The doctor gets flagged for illegal use of hands. Concerning. Hill! SIX. TOUCHDOWN. PASSES.




A safety breaks up the monotony. Chiefs fumble! Steelers have it! Big gain by James. Great pass breakup by new Chief Kendall Fuller, keeping Brown out of the end zone. Roethlisberger takes off and... SCORES? Yes! Extra point is good. Chiefs running clock successfully. Steelers force a punt on 4th and 6... and run into the punter. (Chiefs 42, Steelers 37)

It is HOT. SON OF A GOD DAMN BITCH.




I fucking hate him. I always have. Eagles follow up with a three-and-out on offense. That's a good punt. Ryan Fitzpatrick protects the football? What?? 43-yard punt return by Clement nullified by a penalty. Ajayi out with a back injury. Two straight first downs for the Eagles. Then two straight penalties, and three on the last four plays. 2nd and 40! That ended how you imagine it did. Now the Bucs face a 3rd and 21, and that also ended how you imagine it did. Foles scrambles for a first down. Foles loses the ball, and it's ruled a fumble and the Bucs recover. That's close, but I think it stands. Confirmed. Well then. The Eagles get it back two plays later off of a deflection! JPP with the sack. Punt lands right on the goal line. Mike Evans with a straight-up drop. The Bucs haven't done much offensively since that first play. Ertz with a first down catch. Pass interference on Chris Conte, who is bad. Josh Perkins gets a catch? Feels like the Eagles are throwing too much on this drive. Agholor gets spun around and comes up short on 3rd and 7, it looks like. Length of the football. Pederson's going for it. Foles sneak gets it. Ertz was open on that first-down breakdown. Touchdown Clement! O.J. Howard for a 75-yard touchdown!




He caught six passes in his entire career at Alabama, only in bowl games, and they were ALL like this. (I'm exaggerating. Sort of.) He got help from a great block by Chris Godwin on Jenkins. Extra point is MISSED. Bucs actually driving this time. Eagles forget to cover Godwin and he's wide open for a touchdown. 20-7. Foles finds Ertz down the sideline. Elliott CLANGS from 42. Nothing going right. Ajayi back out to start the second half. Ertz has to come back to his and he's short. Pederson going for it on 4th and 4 from the Tampa 49. Doesn't work. DeSean with a catch inside the 10. Cox walks off. Fitzpatrick finds Evans in the back of the end zone. I know FitzMagic has never been sustainable but is there a chance Jameis Winston doesn't get his job back in two weeks? This is his sixth start against the Eagles,and for his sixth team. He started the Eagles-Bengals tie? Wild.
Big pass play to Agholor. Conte's replacement stops Agholor on a reverse. Fourth and 1 from the Bucs' 5. Foles sneak again works. Touchdown Ajayi. Jenkins strips the ball from Evans and the Eagles have it. Clement takes a shot while laying out for that 4th down pass and he's slow to get up.




Agholor's gotta call for a fair catch there. Was that a catch? Eh, no matter, DPI gives the Eagles a first down. Eagles are going for it on 4th because they ran Ajayi on third. Crazy catch by Agholor in the back corner of the end zone for the touchdown, and then he hurdles a cameraman afterwards. Do you onside kick here? They do not. Hmmm. DeSean beats Mills again, and that might be it. Pitchy pitchy woo woo fails as always. Just a bad loss all around. (Buccaneers 27, Eagles 21)

Someone hit Cam and actually got flagged for it? It's a new age. (Falcons 31, Panthers 24)




WOW! Taylor put just enough on that ball and put it in just the right place for Callaway. That looked like a sure overthrow.


So. Browns. And we're in the Superdome, so you can guess how it went from here. (Saints 21, Browns 18)




Oh, no, bad Mason Crosby. Packers going to overtime because of some BS. Cook with a big run. Replay of the hit in question. Yeah, I get the rule, but that wasn't what happened there. New Vikings rookie kicker Daniel Carlson from 49. Not even CLOSE. Packers forced to punt. Thielen! Vikings grinding clock. Carlson on again. ARE YOU SERIOUS.








That's a terrible loss for the Packers. Also a Scorigami but you probably figured that. (Vikings 29, Packers 29, OT)

Wait, Donte Moncrief's on the Jaguars now? He just caught a touchdown pass. KEENAN COLE THOUGH. That's the OBJ catch but over the opposite shoulder. Corey Grant making people miss. Touchdown Cole! Eric Rowe beaten both times. 14-0. Keep putting the pressure on. Everyone on the Patriots' sideline is angry. Slow going for the Pats' offense. Hey, there's rookie Sony Michel. That's helmet-to-helmet, yeah. Field goal is good. Bortles again. Touchdown Jags! 21-3 at halftime.




Bortles to Cole for 14. Nantz points out that this is happening despite no Fournette and losing their left tackle early in the game. Cole remains uncovered. BORTLES SCRAMBLE. That elusiveness. First and goal! Somehow Bortles is third-all time in yards per rush by a quarterback, behind Vick and Bobby Douglass. There'll be no touchdown on this drive.




Gronk's been silenced. 2 catches, 8 yards? Brady overthrows Philip Dorsett, who's bad. Rookie D.J. Chark gets the ball knocked out and the Pats recover. Uh-oh.




Michel bulls through the line. Brady to Hogan for the touchdown. Jaguars can't answer. James White with a big run. Cordarrelle Patterson's on the Patriots? He just fell down after catching a pass on 3rd and 4. Field goal is good.




Bortles throws an interception off Austin Seferian-Jenkins, who's had more than his share of bad luck against the Patriots. Pats ball at the Jacksonville 25. FUMBLE. Jaguars ball! Dante Fowler does his best Brandon Graham impression. Bortles collides with Stephon Gilmore and is stopped short on 3rd and 5. Go for it, Jaguars. FALSE START. Christ. Now they gotta punt. Jags challenging the spot. This seems close... could this actually work? Overturned and short. Fourth down and the Patriots punt.




Jags jumped offsides but nobody saw it. Dede Westbrook? DEDE WESTBROOK! TOUCHDOWN! Hey, Philip Dorsett actually caught a pass. Patterson again. Touchdown to Hogan. Patriots kick it off short. Niles Paul? Really? I don't know if the Pats' defense is still that bad but Bortles has been legitimately great. The Patriots aren't gonna get the ball back, are they? NOPE. Lessons learned. Feels like the Patriots have had an early-season flop the lat few years. This lessens the pain. (Jaguars 31, Patriots 20)

In his last three games, Matt Patricia-coached defenses have given up 119 points to Nick Foles, Sam Darnold, and Jimmy Garoppolo. (49ers 30, Lions 27)

Get out of bounds, kid! That was dicey. McManus in. Kickers haven't had the best day today. It's GOOD! (Broncos 20, Raiders 19)

TAVON AUSTIN. Glad somebody finally got something out of him after five years.




I mean, yeah. That's why you make that mistake. Big run by Elliott. Austin again.




Now Dak with a run and the Cowboys have found some meat on that left side. Drive stalls, but the field goal is good this week. My answer to last week question of "Do the Giants even have four good linebackers" is probably "no" on first glance. TACO. That was an... interesting way to field that punt. What are the Giants doing? At least they went for it that time. Dak finds Terrence Williams. That didn't last long. The Giants still can't protect Eli. Another punt. Cowboys have controlled this game but they haven't done much since the first two drives. Meanwhile, the Giants can't do anything at all.




And the Giants start the second half by letting Eli get sacked and fumble. Poor tackling by the Giants leads to a first down. No idea what Dak was trying to do there. That ball's never landing inbounds. Cowboys settle for three. Eli throws over a double-covered Beckham and it still almost gets picked. He then finds Cody Latimer (?) for a big gain into Cowboys territory.




Someone's down for the Giants. Is that a leg brace or an air cast? Whatever it is, it looks bad. Cart's out. Eli overthrows Sterling Shepard. Eli tries to run and gets wrecked by Jaylon Smith. Kicker is out. Field goal is good. Beckham out to return this punt. Eli sacked again. That's, what, six? Prescott picks up a first down on a fourth-down sneak. Elliott gets to the second level. Cowboys in the red zone. Elliott appears to get stuffed on 3rd and 2, then cuts left to get the first down, then scores. We're done here. Can we get a Sean Lee update? Oh, their top draft pick is in. Eli finds an uncovered Engram for a touchdown that likely won't amount to much. Giants recover the onside kick? OK then. Beckham was going to get creamed either way on that ball into the end zone. Giants should have kicked the field goal by now. They're botching this the same way the Ravens did on Thursday night.




They do with 14 seconds left, and now Sean Lee's back out with the hands team for some reason. This was a fast game. It's not even 11:30. Kudos to all involved for that, at least. (Cowboys 20, Giants 13)

Russ almost fumbles that away but is ruled down. The Seahawks haven't scored on their opening drive in almost two seasons (31 games).




Trubisky SCRAMBLING. Breaking tackles, even. Trubisky sidearms a laser just past new Seahawk Mychal Kendricks to Jordan Howard, who takes off for 17 yards. Shovel pass to Burton for the touchdown.




Wilson not making optimal decisions, such as throwing to a double-covered tight end. TARIK COHEN PUNT RETURN. Not to the house, but he does get to the 40. That looks like a first down, but I'm not sure. They measure and it's about a yard short. The Bears go for it and Howard picks it up. Trubisky makes a bad read on an option and the Seahawks snuff it. Wilson was lucky he wasn't sacked in the end zone there. Trubisky underthrows Robinson and it's picked by Shaquill Griffin (the older of the Griffin twins and has also been in the league longer). Seahawks still can't get the ball moving. Tipped and picked AGAIN By Shaquill! Looks like Kendricks tipped it. DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: RIGHT side. Um, block Khalil Mack, Seahawks. Um, BLOCK KHALIL MACK, SEAHAWKS. It's like 4th and 56 now. (26. Apples and oranges.)




Bad snap, bad punt. This game may end 7-0. Trubisky finds Cohen downfield after the play breaks down. Robinson stretches and converts 3rd and 5. Urlacher in the house! He's getting his Hall of Fame ring tonight. Direct snap to Burton? Are these the Chicago Bears? Field goal is good. Trevathan with a sack and that's five this half. Wilson saves this drive with a scramble. Are they bringing on Seabass here? Yep. They look like basketball shorts on him. Janikowski from 56. Easy as pie. 10-3 Bears at the half. Kendricks with a sack for the Seahawks.




DOWN AND DISTANCE TRACKER: LEFT side. Carroll calls time out to figure out this third down call. Pressure breaks down the Seattle offensive line (again) (shocker) and a swing pass to Mike Davis comes up short. Is Eddie Lacy still in the league? Seahawks punt. Bears aren't doing a great job of getting Taylor Gabriel in space — his speed is nullified when he's in traffic like that. Like that. That's better. They're doing a lot of this on this drive. Trubisky rolls left and hits Anthony Miller for the touchdown. Wilson somehow finds Tyler Lockett on 3rd and 14. Was he down? Yeah, his knee's down. No fumble. The Seahawks' offensive line also cannot block anyone. Amukamara gets hit with illegal contact. Did Lockett CATCH that? Touchdown! A dropkick kickoff? Really? I mean, it worked. WOW. Amukamara just picked the Seahawks' pocket. 24-10 Bears and that might be the ball game. Seahawks pick up a first down and now need to speed up. Fumble! Bears ball! THAT'S game.




I don't think Wilson ever saw Trevathan. So what's the issue on this punt? Bears touched it first so it's just a touchback, right? Nope, Seahawks ball at the 1. ESPN replaced Gerry Austin with JEFF TRIPLETTE? That's actually a downgrade. Seahawks running out of time. Touchdown with 14 seconds left. Dropkick ONSIDE kick. Yeah, that ain't happening. (Bears 24, Seahawks 17)


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