Yes, it's February and I'm just now getting around to this. But really, I'm not. The top five or so from this past year were the hardest to sort out I think I've had since I started doing this.
So in a year where the full-scale return of sexy was publicized (I didn't even realize it had gone missing), the rap-rock craze breathed its last gasping breaths, leaning and shaking became all the rage, and a supermodel-dumping crybaby-voiced nancy boy threatened to bring the whole thing down, this is what we're left with. The cream of one man's crop.
THANKS FOR PLAYING:
Mary J. Blige - "Enough Cryin'"
Chamillionaire - "Ridin'"
Jay-Z - "Show Me What You Got"
Audioslave - "Revalations"
Bubba Sparxx - "Ms. New Booty"
Field Mob feat. Ciara - "So What"
Gnarls Barkley - "Gone Daddy Gone"
THE LIST:
15. The Killers - "When You Were Young"
You'd think there'd be more bands coming out of Las Vegas. (Yeah, I think people thought they were British when they got big because of their sound and that's where they were when Hot Fuss blew up.) The city's ripe with material, like regrets, expectations and temptations, all of which get touched on by this quartet of native sons.
14. KT Tunstall - "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree"
It's so rare that I'm ahead of the curve on these things, but this song caught my attention months before Katharine McPhee covered it on Idol. Months, I say. Let me have this moment. I have so little; don't take this away from me.
13. Three Six Mafia - "Stay Fly"
When you win an Oscar, you can get away with making a whole bunch of songs about smoking pot and nobody will really bat an eyelash. Although I suspect that wouldn't have stopped this Tennessee outfit. What I like about this is that you've got five guys rapping over a beat that doesn't actually change, and none of them have the same style.
12. Beyonce (feat. Jay-Z) - "Deja Vu"
History may go on to remember this as Jay's best rapping of 2006, but it's Beyonce's groovy take on the theme of a woman who's got a guy that's got her all flustered that's the real star of this show.
11. Wolfmother - "Joker and the Thief"
"So I'll tell you all the story", and yet they don't. Not all of it, anyway. This Australian group isn't the next Jet only because they're so different. There's a very heavy and very obvious 70's rock influence in their stuff that I dig.
10. Nelly Furtado (feat. Timbaland) - "Promiscuous"
Wait, what? This was the end result of a semi-reinvention after a disappearing act, a development that had everybody scratching their heads when this dropped, so much so that I kept asking myself "Am I supposed to like this?" for about a month before I decided it didn't matter. Bonus point for the Steve Nash reference.
9. Ghostface Killa (feat. Ne-Yo) - "Back Like That"
Most MC's wouldn't touch a track about a guy feeling both angry and betrayed that his girl cheated on him with his worst enemy because it would sound like an incoherent, blubbering mess. But this is Ghostface, and he'll do what he damn well pleases. Also, this is one of about 43 songs Ne-Yo appeared on this year.
8. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Dani California"
The natural successor to "By The Way"? Possibly. What it definitely is is a well-crafted fusion of the Peppers' old, harder rock sound and their more recent, more melodic approach.
7. Avenged Sevenfold - "Bat Country"
The title comes from Hunter S. Thompson's nickname for the near-wasteland that is the drive from Barstow, Calif., to Las Vegas, a stretch of barren desert that plays tricks on the mind as well as any and all drugs HST was on at the time. This is probably what it feels like.
6. AFI - "Miss Murder"
You may also know them as "A Fire Inside", and they've spent 15 years grinding in the neo-punk scene. This isn't so simple or straightforward, but it does rock.
5. Gnarls Barkley - "Crazy"
Cee-Lo's version of N.E.R.D.? Sort of, but not quite. If anything, he and producer Danger Mouse crossed even more genres. And somehow I must live in the only part of the country that didn't play this on three different stations.
4. Blue October - "Into the Ocean"
I normally hate overly emo, depressing themes in songs. If you're going to get me to like something like this, you have to do it either very well or very differently.
3. Kanye West (feat. Lupe Fiasco) - "Touch The Sky"
It's no "Gold Digger." And Kanye's still an egotistical twit. But this tale of "Hey, I made it! Now what?" is actually kind of fun in its own right. The horns help, as do Kanye's weird enunciation. This is also effectively Lupe Fiasco's debut, and anyone who can drop a Lupin III reference into a rap and have it make sense in context is okay by me.
2. Coldplay - "Talk"
I'm also surprised this wasn't a bigger hit. I think this group has missed the Top 15 exactly once. They've earned some time off.
1. Gomez - "How We Operate"
This prolific British quintet wins the year with a song about love and compromise, about moving forward and making do. It's got a bit of pop and a lot of heart.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Monday, February 5, 2007
By The Pigskin of Our Teeth: Rain Dance
THIS JUST IN: Jeff Garcia and Carmella are, in fact, still together. They were in town on Saturday for some event.
5:57 - Ricky Proehl being inactive makes me :(. This is his game!
6:19 - Total number of team captains over/under: 12.
6:22 - They're gonna introduce them all?
6:23 - Only 7? I was way off.
6:24 - Wow. Who's keeping track of that? Seriously, how is there unemployment with obscure crap like which conference won the last 10 coin tosses?
6:27 - OOPS.
6:29 - Amazing that the Colts got what they wanted there (the kickoff outside the numbers) and still couldn't stop Hester.
6:33 - Again, OOPS. Peyton hasn't been anywhere near his receivers so far.
6:41 - Um, Sierra Mist isn't that refreshing.
6:43 - Yeah, I think we would have heard more about Peyton's thumb if it had been an issue.
6:47 - Well, all right. Nice downfield coverage.
6:47 - WTF. Simms: "Snap is good." I hope that was sarcasm.
6:49 - "Auctioneer Wedding" looks to be the best of a bad lot so far.
6:50 - PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Who was that guy?
6:51 - Oh, it is raining? The last three balls have been straight-up dropped.
6:54 - Nice throw into traffic, Rex. Oh, Muhammad caught that? Wow. They're not booing, they're saying "Muuuuuu."
6:55 - Snickers just took a huge lead. "Quick! Do something manly!"
7:04 - Yeah, a force-out's probably the right call there.
7:04 - What the hell?
7:07 - I think the Colts are getting too greedy on offense. They should pull back a bit.
7:07 - Colts punter Hunter Smith, one of the more anonymous individuals in the NFL. Looks like the Colts are still gonna punt. Nice kick.
7:18 - I'd like to see the Colts put together a drive here.
7:21 - Abilene Christian? That's where JBL played, right?
7:26 - No Hester on the kickoff? That's strange.
7:27 - That's even stranger. They thought the Colts would squib kick? Why would they think that? They can see he's not back there.
7:38 - What are we calling that? "Bitch Slaps 'R' Us?"
7:41 - Gary Brackett, from? RUTGERS!
7:44 - Addai's been good at getting the crucial small gains tonight.
7:49 - Another turnover? Jeez. You're supposed to just go out of bounds.
7:50 - Didn't this just happen? Is this a record? Seriously.
7:52 - Peyton's dump to Addai - was that legal?
7:55 - You really think that guy's never had a Coke before?
7:56 - Seriously, WTF. Vinatieri only misses in Houston.
8:07 - I'm disappointed Prince didn't do the full "Let's Go Crazy" intro:
"Dearly beloved ... we are gathered here today to get through this thing called LIFE. Electric word, 'life', it means forever and that's a mighty long time, but I'm here to tell you ... there's something else ... the afterworld. A world of never ending happiness. You can always see the sun, day or night. So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills -- you know the one ... Dr. Everything'll Be Alright -- instead of asking him how much of your time is left, ask him how much of your mind, baby. 'Cause in this life, things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life, you're on your own."
8:11 - Is this the beginning of "All Along the Watchtower?"
8:13 - Prince is covering the Foo Fighters? Shouldn't that be the other way around?
8:16 - Let me tell you something: This rocked.
8:31 - More tough yards from Addai. And they're receiving yards on top of it. The Bears haven't done well trying to stop him.
8:36 - They're challenging that the Bears had 12 men on the field? That seems petty.
8:37 - It doesn't really look like it's raining, though, except for the occasional wet camera shot.
8:40 - The E-Trade "Bank Robbery" commercial has potential.
8:47 - And this is what I figured would happen: The Colts get the lead and start teeing off on Rex, making his head explode.
8:51 - This is what the Bears wanted to do to the Colts, right? Well, it's the other way around.
8:55 - Wow. Robert Goulet and Emerald Nuts just made it close.
9:00 - Solid block of commercials with K-Fed (which I thought was funny, but I hadn't seen it yet) and the Bud Light hitchhiker spot. "He's got Bud Light." "Yeah, and an axe!"
9:09 - Good decision to reverse the call. Harrison pretty clearly got both feet down.
9:17 - The human leg isn't supposed to bend like that, right?
9:19 - Nantz is belaboring the point, but it's valid: The Bears really haven't done much. And there's a big run getting wiped out. Giants fans are having flashbacks.
9:21 - Horrible throw by Rex. Nice work.
9:23 - I think he's inbounds at both points of contention. The replay also shows Hayden was sitting on the double move like he saw it coming.
9:25 - All right, NO MORE POINTS. I have 28-17 in the office pool.
9:27 - Was that Shula with Jay-Z in the holographic football game?
9:28 - And this is the worst-case scenario for the Bears: down big late and having to rely on Rex to bring them back.
9:30 - See?
9:36 - Now the Colts downshift into first gear. No reason to take any chances, especially in this weather.
9:37 - And isn't it kind of refreshing and different to have weather actually be a factor in a Super Bowl?
9:44 - The NFL Network contest-winning ad? Not as great in execution. And what was with the Favre tack-on at the end?
9:56 - Anybody see a bunch of monkeys go flying through the air just now?
9:58 - Ship the Super Bowl. And SHIP THE PRIZES.
10:01 - Hey, who's your MVP? I think they might pick two guys.
10:14 - Oh, it's Peyton. Yay.
10:17 - The parade needs to be led by an Indy car, am I right?
FINAL RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Indianapolis - Stop drinkin' that Haterade, playas!
2. San Diego - Still pulling bullets out of their feet
3. (tie) New Orleans - Pieces in place for longevity
(tie) Chicago - Could be dangerous if Rex stops sucking
(tie) New England - At something of a crossroads, perhaps?
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cleveland - Two words: Adrian. Peterson.
31. Detroit - Pitchers and catchers report when?
32. Oakland - Does anyone care anymore?
5:57 - Ricky Proehl being inactive makes me :(. This is his game!
6:19 - Total number of team captains over/under: 12.
6:22 - They're gonna introduce them all?
6:23 - Only 7? I was way off.
6:24 - Wow. Who's keeping track of that? Seriously, how is there unemployment with obscure crap like which conference won the last 10 coin tosses?
6:27 - OOPS.
6:29 - Amazing that the Colts got what they wanted there (the kickoff outside the numbers) and still couldn't stop Hester.
6:33 - Again, OOPS. Peyton hasn't been anywhere near his receivers so far.
6:41 - Um, Sierra Mist isn't that refreshing.
6:43 - Yeah, I think we would have heard more about Peyton's thumb if it had been an issue.
6:47 - Well, all right. Nice downfield coverage.
6:47 - WTF. Simms: "Snap is good." I hope that was sarcasm.
6:49 - "Auctioneer Wedding" looks to be the best of a bad lot so far.
6:50 - PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Who was that guy?
6:51 - Oh, it is raining? The last three balls have been straight-up dropped.
6:54 - Nice throw into traffic, Rex. Oh, Muhammad caught that? Wow. They're not booing, they're saying "Muuuuuu."
6:55 - Snickers just took a huge lead. "Quick! Do something manly!"
7:04 - Yeah, a force-out's probably the right call there.
7:04 - What the hell?
7:07 - I think the Colts are getting too greedy on offense. They should pull back a bit.
7:07 - Colts punter Hunter Smith, one of the more anonymous individuals in the NFL. Looks like the Colts are still gonna punt. Nice kick.
7:18 - I'd like to see the Colts put together a drive here.
7:21 - Abilene Christian? That's where JBL played, right?
7:26 - No Hester on the kickoff? That's strange.
7:27 - That's even stranger. They thought the Colts would squib kick? Why would they think that? They can see he's not back there.
7:38 - What are we calling that? "Bitch Slaps 'R' Us?"
7:41 - Gary Brackett, from? RUTGERS!
7:44 - Addai's been good at getting the crucial small gains tonight.
7:49 - Another turnover? Jeez. You're supposed to just go out of bounds.
7:50 - Didn't this just happen? Is this a record? Seriously.
7:52 - Peyton's dump to Addai - was that legal?
7:55 - You really think that guy's never had a Coke before?
7:56 - Seriously, WTF. Vinatieri only misses in Houston.
8:07 - I'm disappointed Prince didn't do the full "Let's Go Crazy" intro:
"Dearly beloved ... we are gathered here today to get through this thing called LIFE. Electric word, 'life', it means forever and that's a mighty long time, but I'm here to tell you ... there's something else ... the afterworld. A world of never ending happiness. You can always see the sun, day or night. So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills -- you know the one ... Dr. Everything'll Be Alright -- instead of asking him how much of your time is left, ask him how much of your mind, baby. 'Cause in this life, things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life, you're on your own."
8:11 - Is this the beginning of "All Along the Watchtower?"
8:13 - Prince is covering the Foo Fighters? Shouldn't that be the other way around?
8:16 - Let me tell you something: This rocked.
8:31 - More tough yards from Addai. And they're receiving yards on top of it. The Bears haven't done well trying to stop him.
8:36 - They're challenging that the Bears had 12 men on the field? That seems petty.
8:37 - It doesn't really look like it's raining, though, except for the occasional wet camera shot.
8:40 - The E-Trade "Bank Robbery" commercial has potential.
8:47 - And this is what I figured would happen: The Colts get the lead and start teeing off on Rex, making his head explode.
8:51 - This is what the Bears wanted to do to the Colts, right? Well, it's the other way around.
8:55 - Wow. Robert Goulet and Emerald Nuts just made it close.
9:00 - Solid block of commercials with K-Fed (which I thought was funny, but I hadn't seen it yet) and the Bud Light hitchhiker spot. "He's got Bud Light." "Yeah, and an axe!"
9:09 - Good decision to reverse the call. Harrison pretty clearly got both feet down.
9:17 - The human leg isn't supposed to bend like that, right?
9:19 - Nantz is belaboring the point, but it's valid: The Bears really haven't done much. And there's a big run getting wiped out. Giants fans are having flashbacks.
9:21 - Horrible throw by Rex. Nice work.
9:23 - I think he's inbounds at both points of contention. The replay also shows Hayden was sitting on the double move like he saw it coming.
9:25 - All right, NO MORE POINTS. I have 28-17 in the office pool.
9:27 - Was that Shula with Jay-Z in the holographic football game?
9:28 - And this is the worst-case scenario for the Bears: down big late and having to rely on Rex to bring them back.
9:30 - See?
9:36 - Now the Colts downshift into first gear. No reason to take any chances, especially in this weather.
9:37 - And isn't it kind of refreshing and different to have weather actually be a factor in a Super Bowl?
9:44 - The NFL Network contest-winning ad? Not as great in execution. And what was with the Favre tack-on at the end?
9:56 - Anybody see a bunch of monkeys go flying through the air just now?
9:58 - Ship the Super Bowl. And SHIP THE PRIZES.
10:01 - Hey, who's your MVP? I think they might pick two guys.
10:14 - Oh, it's Peyton. Yay.
10:17 - The parade needs to be led by an Indy car, am I right?
FINAL RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Indianapolis - Stop drinkin' that Haterade, playas!
2. San Diego - Still pulling bullets out of their feet
3. (tie) New Orleans - Pieces in place for longevity
(tie) Chicago - Could be dangerous if Rex stops sucking
(tie) New England - At something of a crossroads, perhaps?
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cleveland - Two words: Adrian. Peterson.
31. Detroit - Pitchers and catchers report when?
32. Oakland - Does anyone care anymore?
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: The Biggest of Ups (and Downs)
Nice weather, which befits/is causing the slow start by both teams. Pick up the ball, Lewis. You're better than that. And why can't Colston seem to hold on to anything so far? This is starting to look like a 15-6 game, I'll tell you what. Well, this is interesting: after Benson had been getting all the carries so far as he's more of a straight-ahead runner in these field conditions, they've brought Jones in on this drive and the Saints can't reel him in. When was the last time Rex completed a pass? Man, the Bears just ran down the field on them. You ever notice how two-minute drills never get stopped at, say, midfield? Teams either get stuffed on the first set of downs or they go right down the field.
Let's see what the Saints have left. How about that! REG-GIE. REG-GIE. Yeah, nobody's catching him; stop trying to sell it. Seriously, when was the last time Rex completed a pass? At the same time, Brees has been unusually streaky. Is that snow? Advantage Bears, you have to think. Oh, there's one. Intentional grounding in the end zone? That's Aaron Brooks-esque. There's no reason for that. Did the tide just turn? Oh, wait, now it did. Great catch by Berrian. Fred Thomas is getting used and abused. I'd ask "Don't they have anyone better" but I've been saying all year that the Saints are going to get wrecked by the deep ball, and I'm kind of surprised the Bears haven't taken more shots, since Rex has a good deep ball. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Now they're just piling on.
Here we go again. And the Patriots' luckbox is activated and in full effect tonight, as the Colts had that fumble only to lose it again and Mankins fell on it in the end zone. Now that both teams have marched down the field on each other, let's see who breaks first. And the answer to that question is Asante Samuel jumping the route and going to the proverbial house. Now that the game's over, let's talk about how much money he just made. Nice job by Simms to point out on the replay that Samuel knew he could gamble on the route because he had safety help. I mean, it's not so much that the Colts can't come back, but the odds of the Patriots letting them come back are infinitesimal. That's the big thing. And you can see it right here; the Colts are completely fried. Although, that's a clutch hold by the defense complete with the sack by Brock. Uh, how about a flag or something on that corner end zone pass to Wayne? Something? Anything? I think Dungy decided to kick the field goal there just to talk Peyton off the ledge.
The game hinges on this drive. Right here. Rhodes has gotten some key runs on this drive. Harrison never drops that pass. Ever. Aaron Moorehead? Touchdown! We've got something resembling a game again. You know who's been huge is Clark - he's the one making all the big plays downfield. Is this the Patriots' defense this is happening to? And Hobbs doesn't help matters by basically playing Secret Service agent and blocking that pass with his back. Dan Klecko! That's right out of the Patriots' book using an ex-Patriot! Of course, the last thing you want to do after a comeback like that is to give up a big kickoff return. This team is snakebitten. I'm convinced. I'm not sure what the Colts are challenging there but I don't think it'll matter. Dallas Clark AGAIN! Are you kidding me? The Colts get one back under the same set of circumstances that the Pats scored their first touchdown? Now you're seriously got to wonder if this is it. If this is the game that it happens.
Stop giving them field position, please. Somebody get out there on Caldwell. Somebody. Anybody. I'm not sure who's in the bigger frenzy: the Pats' sideline, the Colts' sideline, or the announcers. Oh my God, he dropped it. Let's remember: the Chargers didn't want Caldwell anymore. Also, the Pats have too many Spurrier-coached Florida wideouts, who've had just as much success in the NFL as Spurrier-coached Florida quarterbacks. Also, why have they stopped running the ball? And now is the time where we trade field goals for no apparent reason. What's that about Peyton's thumb? Jim Sorgi? "Stay ready?" I don't like the sound of that. Ooooooohhhh! "My First Name Isn't Really Bob" Sanders almost had that one.
OK, the only people who can't be rooting for Peyton at this point are Patriots fans and people WITHOUT SOULS. Why am I nervous? Seriously, this is the most nervous I've been watching a football game that the Eagles weren't in that I can remember. Bryan Fletcher? Really? How much time left? Roughing the passer? Where? Oh, a shot to the head. All right. I'm not sure about suddenly deciding to run the ball down here. And that's why I'm not a head coach. TOUCHDOWN!!!!! And I have to believe they were going for it on fourth down or they would have passed on third. Brady's still got time, though Vinatieri can't help him now even if he was still there. MARLIN JACKSON FOR THE WIN!!!! Now FALL DOWN. From another board: "Blue-on-Blue crime." (They're both Michigan guys.) Butch: "IT'S MORNING AGAIN IN AMERICA!"
Everything has changed. Also, BLACK POWER.
Let's see what the Saints have left. How about that! REG-GIE. REG-GIE. Yeah, nobody's catching him; stop trying to sell it. Seriously, when was the last time Rex completed a pass? At the same time, Brees has been unusually streaky. Is that snow? Advantage Bears, you have to think. Oh, there's one. Intentional grounding in the end zone? That's Aaron Brooks-esque. There's no reason for that. Did the tide just turn? Oh, wait, now it did. Great catch by Berrian. Fred Thomas is getting used and abused. I'd ask "Don't they have anyone better" but I've been saying all year that the Saints are going to get wrecked by the deep ball, and I'm kind of surprised the Bears haven't taken more shots, since Rex has a good deep ball. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Now they're just piling on.
Here we go again. And the Patriots' luckbox is activated and in full effect tonight, as the Colts had that fumble only to lose it again and Mankins fell on it in the end zone. Now that both teams have marched down the field on each other, let's see who breaks first. And the answer to that question is Asante Samuel jumping the route and going to the proverbial house. Now that the game's over, let's talk about how much money he just made. Nice job by Simms to point out on the replay that Samuel knew he could gamble on the route because he had safety help. I mean, it's not so much that the Colts can't come back, but the odds of the Patriots letting them come back are infinitesimal. That's the big thing. And you can see it right here; the Colts are completely fried. Although, that's a clutch hold by the defense complete with the sack by Brock. Uh, how about a flag or something on that corner end zone pass to Wayne? Something? Anything? I think Dungy decided to kick the field goal there just to talk Peyton off the ledge.
The game hinges on this drive. Right here. Rhodes has gotten some key runs on this drive. Harrison never drops that pass. Ever. Aaron Moorehead? Touchdown! We've got something resembling a game again. You know who's been huge is Clark - he's the one making all the big plays downfield. Is this the Patriots' defense this is happening to? And Hobbs doesn't help matters by basically playing Secret Service agent and blocking that pass with his back. Dan Klecko! That's right out of the Patriots' book using an ex-Patriot! Of course, the last thing you want to do after a comeback like that is to give up a big kickoff return. This team is snakebitten. I'm convinced. I'm not sure what the Colts are challenging there but I don't think it'll matter. Dallas Clark AGAIN! Are you kidding me? The Colts get one back under the same set of circumstances that the Pats scored their first touchdown? Now you're seriously got to wonder if this is it. If this is the game that it happens.
Stop giving them field position, please. Somebody get out there on Caldwell. Somebody. Anybody. I'm not sure who's in the bigger frenzy: the Pats' sideline, the Colts' sideline, or the announcers. Oh my God, he dropped it. Let's remember: the Chargers didn't want Caldwell anymore. Also, the Pats have too many Spurrier-coached Florida wideouts, who've had just as much success in the NFL as Spurrier-coached Florida quarterbacks. Also, why have they stopped running the ball? And now is the time where we trade field goals for no apparent reason. What's that about Peyton's thumb? Jim Sorgi? "Stay ready?" I don't like the sound of that. Ooooooohhhh! "My First Name Isn't Really Bob" Sanders almost had that one.
OK, the only people who can't be rooting for Peyton at this point are Patriots fans and people WITHOUT SOULS. Why am I nervous? Seriously, this is the most nervous I've been watching a football game that the Eagles weren't in that I can remember. Bryan Fletcher? Really? How much time left? Roughing the passer? Where? Oh, a shot to the head. All right. I'm not sure about suddenly deciding to run the ball down here. And that's why I'm not a head coach. TOUCHDOWN!!!!! And I have to believe they were going for it on fourth down or they would have passed on third. Brady's still got time, though Vinatieri can't help him now even if he was still there. MARLIN JACKSON FOR THE WIN!!!! Now FALL DOWN. From another board: "Blue-on-Blue crime." (They're both Michigan guys.) Butch: "IT'S MORNING AGAIN IN AMERICA!"
Everything has changed. Also, BLACK POWER.
Monday, January 15, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: I'M IN UR INTERNETZ, ANALYZIN UR PLAYOFFS
This is gonna be another one of those games, isn't it? I can see it now. I'm pretty sure the Ravens can't afford to drop interceptions like that. That's how you do it. Something's wrong with Peyton. WTF McNair. Way to throw it into coverage, but why is Billick calling a pass on 3rd and goal from the 4 when the Ravens just ran down the field on the Colts? Especially in a game that's starting to look like whoever can actually get a touchdown will win it? Vinaitieri's getting a good workout, I'll say that much. Wow, again Ray inadvertently deflects what would have been a sure interception. Do the Ravens not want to win this game? Is that what it is? I'm wondering a couple things. One, how did Clark not drop that; and two, how did that not get picked off? Peyton's played C-plus football at best in these playoffs and yet the Colts are in the championship game. It can't just be having Bob Sanders back.
GORE! GORE! GORE! And you know it's a vicious hit when even the slow motion replay looks like it hurts. He is dizzy at best. Do they chant "Deuuuuuuuce" in New Orleans? I don't remember. If they don't, they should. Is this the early game again? Who says Garcia can't throw the deep ball? And remember that I told you the first time these teams played that that would be the Saints' biggest weakness on defense. As for the Eagles' biggest weakness on defense, well, you're looking at it. Can we have that looked at, please? He didn't make it? Oh, fine. Here. That's a good job by the punter to pull that down and jet because Barber was about to literally plant him right in the turf. TOUCHDOWN WESTBROOK. It's about time points started being scored. The Saints are like the Colts in that they seem to just pull guys out of the crowd and they make big catches. I've never heard of half of these people. What happened to Andrews? The second McAllister touchdown gave me bad flashbacks to the DeShaun Foster touchdown in '04 where he dragged about five guys with him into the end zone. Why are the Eagles passing to the fullback in the flat on 3rd and goal from the 4? Eh, plenty of time yet. Will someone please make a stop? FUMBLE! But the Eagles don't help themselves by running in place afterwards. There we go. What? Oh, dear Lord. What? Why is the punt team out on the field? OK, that was bad. Sub-optimal at best. But the worst decision ever? It probably depends on what you think the difference between 4th and 10 and 4th and 15 is in that spot, but as far as the "worst decision ever" talk, I say no - Mike Martz hitting the brakes in the '04 playoffs against Carolina cost the Rams a game they were going to win.
This will all depend on which Rex shows up. If it's Good Rex, the Bears can and should attack the Seahawks' secondary all day. Kinda like that. And especially like that. When did Hester forget how to catch a punt? Uh-oh, shades of Bad Rex. Fourth and one? Yeah, go for it, why not. Nice push by the line. I see Lovie's been taking notes. Jones walking in untouched was sick. LOL at Rex calling Pete Hunter "the loan officer". (He's actually from down here, and was also prepping for a test to become a border agent or something when the Seahawks called him.) Jennings is getting used and abused. This is a little like the Westbrook punt return touchdown that wasn't last week. What's with the weird spots and all the measurements happening during the commercial breaks? Do you go for it here? I say no. Holmgren disagrees. Alexander gets stuffed. I'd like to know why the Bears, with all three time outs, aren't running the ball here to eat clock. That took all of 16 seconds to go nowhere. How does Hasselbeck take a sack there? Oh. Big ups to Fox for going right to the over-the-shoulder wide shot to show that everybody was covered. Hello, overtime. What an awful punt. Game over!
The Chargers so far have been really good at giving the Patriots truly horrendous field position. The clock operator is struggling. That's about the third or fourth time already. Why is Marty going for it on 4th and 11? Wow, that got reversed? Oh, I see ... Gates never really had control of it in the first place. Touchdown LDT. That's what he does. Simms was saying at the start of the game how the Patriots had to keep LDT on the inside, and it sure didn't happen there. Jabar Gaffney? Really? This game is way too close right now. Just FALL ON IT. Don't get fancy, don't try to pick it up and salvage some yards, just fall on the ball. That's what happens. What? You're gonna get up in a tight end's face and try to headbutt him? (I say "try" because it's never clear if he actually made contact or not.) What are you, an idiot? Wait, don't answer that. (I don't know how that's considered "unnecessary roughness", though. Personal foul I can see, but no need to get that specific.) That may have been the worst 62-second stretch in Chargers history. And yet the Patriots can't seem to close the gap. Hey, it's that Tomlinson guy again. Untouched, no less. Brady's looked flat-out ordinary up to this point ... let's see if he's still got it. And there's another intercept- oh. You can't fault the guy for catching it, since that's your first instinct when the ball comes your way unexpectedly. But ... wait for it ... PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Seriously, Jabar Gaffney? (As Nantz told the story, he was living in my hometown after the Eagles cut him in camp, possibly in Irving Fryar's garage.) DIRECT SNAP TO FAULK. Can the Chargers catch a pass? Where is Keenan McCardell? The same cave as Rod Smith? And even after all of that, this isn't impossible for the Chargers. You've got eight seconds left! Run a play! Get closer! GAH. If Mike Matusow ran twice as bad as he thinks he does, he still wouldn't even be close to running nearly as bad as Marty has in the playoffs for 20 years. I'm pretty sure his players just got him fired.
GORE! GORE! GORE! And you know it's a vicious hit when even the slow motion replay looks like it hurts. He is dizzy at best. Do they chant "Deuuuuuuuce" in New Orleans? I don't remember. If they don't, they should. Is this the early game again? Who says Garcia can't throw the deep ball? And remember that I told you the first time these teams played that that would be the Saints' biggest weakness on defense. As for the Eagles' biggest weakness on defense, well, you're looking at it. Can we have that looked at, please? He didn't make it? Oh, fine. Here. That's a good job by the punter to pull that down and jet because Barber was about to literally plant him right in the turf. TOUCHDOWN WESTBROOK. It's about time points started being scored. The Saints are like the Colts in that they seem to just pull guys out of the crowd and they make big catches. I've never heard of half of these people. What happened to Andrews? The second McAllister touchdown gave me bad flashbacks to the DeShaun Foster touchdown in '04 where he dragged about five guys with him into the end zone. Why are the Eagles passing to the fullback in the flat on 3rd and goal from the 4? Eh, plenty of time yet. Will someone please make a stop? FUMBLE! But the Eagles don't help themselves by running in place afterwards. There we go. What? Oh, dear Lord. What? Why is the punt team out on the field? OK, that was bad. Sub-optimal at best. But the worst decision ever? It probably depends on what you think the difference between 4th and 10 and 4th and 15 is in that spot, but as far as the "worst decision ever" talk, I say no - Mike Martz hitting the brakes in the '04 playoffs against Carolina cost the Rams a game they were going to win.
This will all depend on which Rex shows up. If it's Good Rex, the Bears can and should attack the Seahawks' secondary all day. Kinda like that. And especially like that. When did Hester forget how to catch a punt? Uh-oh, shades of Bad Rex. Fourth and one? Yeah, go for it, why not. Nice push by the line. I see Lovie's been taking notes. Jones walking in untouched was sick. LOL at Rex calling Pete Hunter "the loan officer". (He's actually from down here, and was also prepping for a test to become a border agent or something when the Seahawks called him.) Jennings is getting used and abused. This is a little like the Westbrook punt return touchdown that wasn't last week. What's with the weird spots and all the measurements happening during the commercial breaks? Do you go for it here? I say no. Holmgren disagrees. Alexander gets stuffed. I'd like to know why the Bears, with all three time outs, aren't running the ball here to eat clock. That took all of 16 seconds to go nowhere. How does Hasselbeck take a sack there? Oh. Big ups to Fox for going right to the over-the-shoulder wide shot to show that everybody was covered. Hello, overtime. What an awful punt. Game over!
The Chargers so far have been really good at giving the Patriots truly horrendous field position. The clock operator is struggling. That's about the third or fourth time already. Why is Marty going for it on 4th and 11? Wow, that got reversed? Oh, I see ... Gates never really had control of it in the first place. Touchdown LDT. That's what he does. Simms was saying at the start of the game how the Patriots had to keep LDT on the inside, and it sure didn't happen there. Jabar Gaffney? Really? This game is way too close right now. Just FALL ON IT. Don't get fancy, don't try to pick it up and salvage some yards, just fall on the ball. That's what happens. What? You're gonna get up in a tight end's face and try to headbutt him? (I say "try" because it's never clear if he actually made contact or not.) What are you, an idiot? Wait, don't answer that. (I don't know how that's considered "unnecessary roughness", though. Personal foul I can see, but no need to get that specific.) That may have been the worst 62-second stretch in Chargers history. And yet the Patriots can't seem to close the gap. Hey, it's that Tomlinson guy again. Untouched, no less. Brady's looked flat-out ordinary up to this point ... let's see if he's still got it. And there's another intercept- oh. You can't fault the guy for catching it, since that's your first instinct when the ball comes your way unexpectedly. But ... wait for it ... PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Seriously, Jabar Gaffney? (As Nantz told the story, he was living in my hometown after the Eagles cut him in camp, possibly in Irving Fryar's garage.) DIRECT SNAP TO FAULK. Can the Chargers catch a pass? Where is Keenan McCardell? The same cave as Rod Smith? And even after all of that, this isn't impossible for the Chargers. You've got eight seconds left! Run a play! Get closer! GAH. If Mike Matusow ran twice as bad as he thinks he does, he still wouldn't even be close to running nearly as bad as Marty has in the playoffs for 20 years. I'm pretty sure his players just got him fired.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Monday, January 8, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Joker's Wild (Cards)
It's the battle of two movable objects. Last time these two teams hooked up in the playoffs, nobody punted and the last score was a rushing touchdown, of all things. What's with all the field goals? How does LJ not already have 150 yards? Ty Law:Peyton Manning::Ronde Barber:Donovan McNabb. Nice balance, Trent. And way to utterly squander first and goal at the 9. Wow, Peyton's having issues. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. So are the Chiefs what with the no first downs whatsoever and we're in the second half. It's a good thing Addai's shown up. Ah, that's what we came to see. Looks like the Chiefs have finally gotten their act together. First down! What's the Indy version of the Bronx cheer? Who are these guys? Seriously. Hey, a Reggie Wayne sighting! This game's moving at a good clip. I think everyone forgot that the Chiefs still can't stop people on a regular basis. Credit to the Colts, though; Johnson did absolutely nothing. Though if Peyton throws three picks against the Ravens, 9-0 might be the final.
The Cowboys haven't won a playoff game since '96? That can't be right, can it? Anyway, these two have produced some borderline great games in recent years, like the Bucs and Rams about 10 years ago, but I'm not sure I see one happening in their current states. This is how the first game started, isn't it? PLONK. Nice two-minute drill by Romo at the end of the half. That's discouraging. That's also the only real drive either team has had. How have Glenn and T.O. not lit up the Seahawks' secondary, which is full of guys brought in literally off the street at this point? It's gotten so bad on kick returns that you have to wait for one of the announcers to actually say "no flags" before you can celebrate taking one to the proverbial house. I don't know; I think I might have kicked the field goal in that spot. Uh-oh, Jones is going off in the fourth quarter and everyone's having flashbacks to two years ago. How did they not get that? Clutch grab by Engram, followed by Newman lowering himself to the level of his secondary mates. I'm not sure I wouldn't have kicked the field goal here, either. You have to get something. And I certainly wouldn't have called a play for whoever that was Hasselbeck ended up throwing to. I also wouldn't have come back with this if I'm the Cowboys. Holy crap! Parcells has to find something to challenge here besides his own playcalling. That's about the best outcome they could've gotten considering the circumstances. Oh, look, a Cowboys safety getting burned in deep coverage. That's never happened before. The big run by Jones just gave Holmgren another heart attack. That's a very generous spot - he didn't get that first down. Aaaand the officials get it right. What the...? Don't let him score. Don't let him score! Ho. Ly. Shit. What happened? Would Vanderjagt have thrown a backside block? (I doubt it.) Wow, that's worse than the Bengals' game in Denver ... Romo just dropped it. Would they bring Bledsoe in if they end up far enough away that they need his deep arm? Never mind. Best Unprintable Line Of The Weekend: "The only person that choked worse than Tony Romo this week was Saddam Hussein."
(And how about "PLAYOFFS!?!" getting a second life thanks to Coors Light? It even works in the context!)
"Jerricho Cotchery" is the strangest name ever, right? Top 10 at least? Hey, the Jets are in the lead! And the Pats have dropped some bombs at home, so one never knows. Brady doesn't make his money with his feet, I'll tell you that much. Kevin Faulk's still alive? It's been him and Maroney on this drive. The Jets spent halftime counting their blessings that they're tied. All this shifting the Jets are doing can't possibly be legal, right? They've got four or five guys moving on every play. LINEMEN RUNNING WITH THE FOOTBALL. And notice on the replays how it's an obvious backward pass and how Wilfork immediately headed for the ball. Look closely and you can see the Patriots coaches yelling on the sideline. And even then, the Jets hold them to a field goal. This isn't over, people. Is this a career game for Reche Caldwell? Now it's over. The score's really not indicative of how this game went, especially considering the Jets were never expected to even be in this spot.
A Jared Lorenzen sighting? W.T.F.? That's almost like Seneca catching a pass for the Seahawks last night. Well, that's an inauspicious start, yet it's also exactly what Eli needed. I'd like to point out that Reno Mahe's only still on the team because Jeremy Bloom got hurt in camp - that's his spot otherwise. You know what I'd like is some better starting field position. Thumbs up for Westbrook's pinball impression and the downfield blocking by the receivers. Also, nobody can tackle anymore but you knew that. And that's exactly what Eli didn't need. Somebody tackle Tiki, please! I'm so glad he's retiring. But this is where the Eagles have actually been at their best recently: making their opponents settle for field goals. How does Runyan not get flagged twice there? If it's a regular season game, he probably gets tossed, but officials don't like to throw players out of playoff games, plus Cofield retaliated. The "Westbrook as occasional punt returner" angle hasn't gotten nearly enough play. He must have seen the flag because he just sort of pulled up after he got to the end zone. That's a clutch hold by Koy on the high snap. (How wrong is it that I have to draw attention to that? Especially since he was brought back last week for that sole purpose.) I know Tiki's got a lot of yards, but it doesn't seem like the Giants are running the ball enough. Three flags in a row? Do the Giants want to win this game? Plaxico again! The Eagles cannot cover him. He's actually showing up in a playoff game for once, which is a miracle in itself. Not only is Westbrook the new Tiki, but he's become to the Giants what Tiki was to the Eagles. There's too much time lef... oh, OK. Never mind. This hold is going to be crucial. It's GOOD. Godspeed, Tiki. Coughlin's still getting fired, right?
The Cowboys haven't won a playoff game since '96? That can't be right, can it? Anyway, these two have produced some borderline great games in recent years, like the Bucs and Rams about 10 years ago, but I'm not sure I see one happening in their current states. This is how the first game started, isn't it? PLONK. Nice two-minute drill by Romo at the end of the half. That's discouraging. That's also the only real drive either team has had. How have Glenn and T.O. not lit up the Seahawks' secondary, which is full of guys brought in literally off the street at this point? It's gotten so bad on kick returns that you have to wait for one of the announcers to actually say "no flags" before you can celebrate taking one to the proverbial house. I don't know; I think I might have kicked the field goal in that spot. Uh-oh, Jones is going off in the fourth quarter and everyone's having flashbacks to two years ago. How did they not get that? Clutch grab by Engram, followed by Newman lowering himself to the level of his secondary mates. I'm not sure I wouldn't have kicked the field goal here, either. You have to get something. And I certainly wouldn't have called a play for whoever that was Hasselbeck ended up throwing to. I also wouldn't have come back with this if I'm the Cowboys. Holy crap! Parcells has to find something to challenge here besides his own playcalling. That's about the best outcome they could've gotten considering the circumstances. Oh, look, a Cowboys safety getting burned in deep coverage. That's never happened before. The big run by Jones just gave Holmgren another heart attack. That's a very generous spot - he didn't get that first down. Aaaand the officials get it right. What the...? Don't let him score. Don't let him score! Ho. Ly. Shit. What happened? Would Vanderjagt have thrown a backside block? (I doubt it.) Wow, that's worse than the Bengals' game in Denver ... Romo just dropped it. Would they bring Bledsoe in if they end up far enough away that they need his deep arm? Never mind. Best Unprintable Line Of The Weekend: "The only person that choked worse than Tony Romo this week was Saddam Hussein."
(And how about "PLAYOFFS!?!" getting a second life thanks to Coors Light? It even works in the context!)
"Jerricho Cotchery" is the strangest name ever, right? Top 10 at least? Hey, the Jets are in the lead! And the Pats have dropped some bombs at home, so one never knows. Brady doesn't make his money with his feet, I'll tell you that much. Kevin Faulk's still alive? It's been him and Maroney on this drive. The Jets spent halftime counting their blessings that they're tied. All this shifting the Jets are doing can't possibly be legal, right? They've got four or five guys moving on every play. LINEMEN RUNNING WITH THE FOOTBALL. And notice on the replays how it's an obvious backward pass and how Wilfork immediately headed for the ball. Look closely and you can see the Patriots coaches yelling on the sideline. And even then, the Jets hold them to a field goal. This isn't over, people. Is this a career game for Reche Caldwell? Now it's over. The score's really not indicative of how this game went, especially considering the Jets were never expected to even be in this spot.
A Jared Lorenzen sighting? W.T.F.? That's almost like Seneca catching a pass for the Seahawks last night. Well, that's an inauspicious start, yet it's also exactly what Eli needed. I'd like to point out that Reno Mahe's only still on the team because Jeremy Bloom got hurt in camp - that's his spot otherwise. You know what I'd like is some better starting field position. Thumbs up for Westbrook's pinball impression and the downfield blocking by the receivers. Also, nobody can tackle anymore but you knew that. And that's exactly what Eli didn't need. Somebody tackle Tiki, please! I'm so glad he's retiring. But this is where the Eagles have actually been at their best recently: making their opponents settle for field goals. How does Runyan not get flagged twice there? If it's a regular season game, he probably gets tossed, but officials don't like to throw players out of playoff games, plus Cofield retaliated. The "Westbrook as occasional punt returner" angle hasn't gotten nearly enough play. He must have seen the flag because he just sort of pulled up after he got to the end zone. That's a clutch hold by Koy on the high snap. (How wrong is it that I have to draw attention to that? Especially since he was brought back last week for that sole purpose.) I know Tiki's got a lot of yards, but it doesn't seem like the Giants are running the ball enough. Three flags in a row? Do the Giants want to win this game? Plaxico again! The Eagles cannot cover him. He's actually showing up in a playoff game for once, which is a miracle in itself. Not only is Westbrook the new Tiki, but he's become to the Giants what Tiki was to the Eagles. There's too much time lef... oh, OK. Never mind. This hold is going to be crucial. It's GOOD. Godspeed, Tiki. Coughlin's still getting fired, right?
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