By The Pigskin of Our Teeth, Week 5: Raising Hell

View Finder: ATL @ HOU, TB @ NYJ, CHI @ CLE (last 1:00), NE @ ATL, ATL @ HOU (still), PHI @ DAL, ATL @ HOU (yes, STILL)

No Vick? Well, the Falcons are losing, then. This is going predictably as expected, isn't it? Oh, wait, wait a minute, what's this? They're rallying! Who's that guy? The punter? Is that the first time a punter's been iced? (That NEVER WORKS, you know.) Someone made the point that Vick wouldn't have been able to make some of the runs Schaub made because the Patriots would have been expecting it. Holy crap, the kid's gone and tied the game. How do YOU think this is gonna end?

The 3 is a bigger surprise than the 52. Discuss.

Two ejections? Is that a record? The Ravens were getting roasted in the papers after this farce, and rightly so.

This settles it... Vinny's clearly undead. It's a problem for the Bucs that they've already become so dependent on Cadillac that they're struggling so much without him. I'm shocked Ronde didn't get tossed for that -- even though he probably didn't mean to hit the ref, he still took a swing at somebody, and the league frowns upon that. Is Clayton injured or something? The idea at the end of the game is to throw toward either the sidelines or the end zone. That was neither.

In light of recent events, my "You mean Mike Martz doesn't normally not see what his team is doing and half-ass a game plan every week?" joke really isn't all that funny.

Hey, Fox, thanks for switching us to the Browns game *after* they made their comeback. That interception Dilfer threw early -- worst-thrown ball of the year?

The Original Alex Smith is starting against the Colts? This may be a mistake. I know he's gotta play, but to start him against these guys? If I'm a Colts fan, I might be a little worried that they're not really being tested so far.

Am I the only one who thinks Brunell could have run it in himself at the end?

Just copy the first half of last week's Eagles-Chiefs entry and paste it here, except for the "Hey, look, T.O.'s open" parts. The Cowboys threw the ball on three of their first four plays. To my recollection, that's the first time Parcells has ever done that. The difference between this game and last week is the Cowboys are actually playing defense for 60 minutes. I'm physically ill right now. The only thing that would have cheered me up was if Bledsoe had popped Keyshawn in the mouth. I'll say it: this was the Eagles' worst loss under Reid. Technically, someone has to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, right?

Chad resuscitating the ball~~~

Start the Bus! This really isn't gonna work if the Chargers keep settling for field goals. Forget I said that. And just like that it all goes for naught. You know, you can't keep a great back down. Ouch! Uh-oh... good thing the Steelers were already in field goal range because Maddox was already hurt. That didn't look good at all. This NEVER WORKS. See?

McAllister's done for the year? Is it too early to cross off the Saints?

FANTASY REPORT:
aPA SmackDown! (2-3, L1): This one really shouldn't have been as close as it was -- I was starting Chris Cooley as my second RB, for fuck's sake. Yet I only trailed Dave by seven going into Monday night, and had McCardell found the end zone, I would've won. Alas, I lost 66-60. The Ravens' D is getting dumped; I just don't know for who yet.
JackSux (5-0, W5): Newly signed fill-in Mark Brunell's shockingly good performance vaulted me over Rob, who didn't get a lot of help for an underperforming Peyton.

RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Indianapolis (5-0) - The last men standing
2. Pittsburgh (3-1) - Though Ben's staus could change things quickly
3. Denver (4-1) - I, for one, am surprised

BOTTOM 3:
30. Baltimore (1-3) - Another trendy pick eating dust
31. San Francisco (1-4) - At least they won't draft first again next year
32. Houston (0-4) - Some questions just don't have answers