Up until the end, this post was supposed to be titled "Unplugged" and it was supposed to be about how I spent at least 36 hours outside the Information Age. No TV, no cable, no Internet. It was supposed to be about how shockingly productive I was without being able to switch on and drop out. I might have even thrown in a life lesson or two, or said something pithy about how we need to disconnect every once in a while in order to reconnect with the world around us.
But that, as we say in my business, would be "burying the lede."
And the lede is this: I got my cable stolen.
Our story begins late Tuesday night, when I got home from work and turned the TV on, flipping channels while waiting for Poker After Dark to start. There's no picture. This, by itself, isn't particularly unusual - I just figured the cable had gone out for one reason or another, possibly weather-related. So I figured it wasn't anything more than that. But it went on (or didn't, as the case may be) for a little longer, and I just figured the cable was OUT out for whatever reason and went to bed.
I got up on Wednesday, still nothing. Or possibly nothing again; I'm not sure at the moment. My Internet wasn't working, either. And again, I didn't really think that much of it because I assumed it was being fixed. So I went out hunting for a new battery for my digital camera (which I'd found two days earlier after having it go missing for three months, but that story's not nearly as interesting) as well as my bi-weekly grocery shopping trip. No luck on the battery. There's a non-zero chance they don't make it any more.
I got home... still nothing. Now it's officially ridiculous. I called the cable company - it's about 8 by this point - and they told me they'd send somebody over the next day (today, now).
Now it's today. And we've all been there with the cable company. They tell you 10 to 12 and it's always closer to 12 than 10. In this case, it was after 12 when the guy finally called (I'd actually called them again just to make sure I didn't miss their call the first time) and he said he'd be over in 10 minutes or so.
When he showed up, he immediately told me to turn my TV on. I did. It came on.
What he said next was the last thing I expected I'd hear.
Apparently what happened was one of my neighbors had enterprisingly gotten into an outside cable connection and cut off a set of fittings, then illegally hooked up his own to that set. The set they cut off happened to be mine.
I was stunned. I actually said, "I didn't think this still happened in 2008."
By this point my modem had come back online too. I didn't think to ask how he knew what had happened, but he had obviously checked the box outside and cut off the illegal connection before he came in to see me. He did cut me some new connectors because my picture had gone fuzzy, so that was nice of him.
After he left, I plopped down in my chair and just started laughing. I got my cable stolen. In 2008. Think about that. It's absurd.
Semi-related tangent: The first story that came up on Yahoo after I started Firefox: the LifeLock guy getting nailed. Seriously, who didn't see that one coming.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Arch Rivals
We all have them.
For Superman, it's Lex Luthor. For Batman, the Joker. For Chris Webber, the game clock. For Roger Clemens, it may or may not be his penis.
It took me over 33 years, but I've finally discovered mine.
Tires.
I've had three tires go flat on me in the last two years on two different cars.
The latest was Saturday. I'm pulling out of my apartment complex to go to work, and I round a corner and bump something, but I don't think anything of it. A couple miles later, a dashboard light comes on and I feel the car starting to slow down. So I pull into the local repair shop - which, irony of ironies, happens to be closed and would have been open two hours earlier - and take a look.
The right front tire, which I thought I'd bumped, was fine. It was the right rear tire that I would later discover had a hole punched in the side. So I go to take the hubcap off so I can put the spare on, and I swear the lugnuts were fused to the wheels at the molecular level. I mean, I admit to not being the strongest guy out there, but this was ridiculous. So that took 30 minutes.
A couple days later, I go back to get it looked at and possibly replaced. I say "possibly" because they didn't have one in stock. I'm not sure how a tire place doesn't have the tire you need. It's a little like an Italian restaurant running out of mozzarella sticks. Which has also happened to me. So I had to drive around on the donut spare for an extra day.
Tires, man... tires. I need something to combat this evil in my life. Perhaps one of these:
For Superman, it's Lex Luthor. For Batman, the Joker. For Chris Webber, the game clock. For Roger Clemens, it may or may not be his penis.
It took me over 33 years, but I've finally discovered mine.
Tires.
I've had three tires go flat on me in the last two years on two different cars.
The latest was Saturday. I'm pulling out of my apartment complex to go to work, and I round a corner and bump something, but I don't think anything of it. A couple miles later, a dashboard light comes on and I feel the car starting to slow down. So I pull into the local repair shop - which, irony of ironies, happens to be closed and would have been open two hours earlier - and take a look.
The right front tire, which I thought I'd bumped, was fine. It was the right rear tire that I would later discover had a hole punched in the side. So I go to take the hubcap off so I can put the spare on, and I swear the lugnuts were fused to the wheels at the molecular level. I mean, I admit to not being the strongest guy out there, but this was ridiculous. So that took 30 minutes.
A couple days later, I go back to get it looked at and possibly replaced. I say "possibly" because they didn't have one in stock. I'm not sure how a tire place doesn't have the tire you need. It's a little like an Italian restaurant running out of mozzarella sticks. Which has also happened to me. So I had to drive around on the donut spare for an extra day.
Tires, man... tires. I need something to combat this evil in my life. Perhaps one of these:
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Sign (or Tag) of the Times
We'll ignore the fact that I'm on a relative shoe shopping spree (Two pairs in two weeks for the first time in two years! I'm out of CONTROL!) to point out something both odd and disconcerting I saw tagged to my new pair of dress shoes:
"AIRPORT FRIENDLY
No steel shank"
And on the back:
"This shoe affords all the comfort and support of a normal steel shank, without the anticipated travel delays. So pick up a pair. And proceed directly to your gate at the airport."
Hmmm.
"AIRPORT FRIENDLY
No steel shank"
And on the back:
"This shoe affords all the comfort and support of a normal steel shank, without the anticipated travel delays. So pick up a pair. And proceed directly to your gate at the airport."
Hmmm.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Gas Face
(click the title for the story)
This rest stop is actually the entry point for a popular shortcut that gets me to work five days a week. And yes, in the past couple of days, that gas station has been packed. It didn't occur to me what was happening until I remembered the rules the state has with gas stations at service plazas. I also admit I wasn't really paying attention to the price of gas and hadn't noticed that it had gone up so dramatically. (Hooray high fuel efficiency.)
What's particularly unusual about this is that gas at service areas like this is always more expensive than it is on roads because you're at the mercy of limited access. So having all of those people driving to the Parkway just to get off, get gas, and then possibly not get back onto the Parkway just to go back to their own homes some 10-15 miles away really fucks up your paradigms. It's the height of degeneracy.
Of course, when it does go up on Friday, it'll be $3.47.
So did I actually get gas from there when I came home from work Tuesday night? Of course I did. What a ridiculous question. :)
----------------
Now playing: The White Stripes - You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do What You're Told)
via FoxyTunes
This rest stop is actually the entry point for a popular shortcut that gets me to work five days a week. And yes, in the past couple of days, that gas station has been packed. It didn't occur to me what was happening until I remembered the rules the state has with gas stations at service plazas. I also admit I wasn't really paying attention to the price of gas and hadn't noticed that it had gone up so dramatically. (Hooray high fuel efficiency.)
What's particularly unusual about this is that gas at service areas like this is always more expensive than it is on roads because you're at the mercy of limited access. So having all of those people driving to the Parkway just to get off, get gas, and then possibly not get back onto the Parkway just to go back to their own homes some 10-15 miles away really fucks up your paradigms. It's the height of degeneracy.
Of course, when it does go up on Friday, it'll be $3.47.
So did I actually get gas from there when I came home from work Tuesday night? Of course I did. What a ridiculous question. :)
----------------
Now playing: The White Stripes - You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do What You're Told)
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, April 10, 2008
I Have GOT To Get Out Of This Business, Part IX
Yes, I'm still alive. Which is more than I can say for my former employers:
Journal Register Company Considering Bankruptcy Filing
Journal Register weighs restructuring
"Earlier this week, the New York Stock Exchange notified the company that its share price was too low and that it might be delisted."
By "too low" they mean "under $1 a share", and by that they mean "28 cents at the close of today's market."
I remember it being big news when the company went public in... I want to say 1999, but it may have been 1998. If the worst-case scenario comes to pass here, it'd be even bigger news.
----------------
Now playing: Pearl Jam - Glorified G
via FoxyTunes
Journal Register Company Considering Bankruptcy Filing
Journal Register weighs restructuring
"Earlier this week, the New York Stock Exchange notified the company that its share price was too low and that it might be delisted."
By "too low" they mean "under $1 a share", and by that they mean "28 cents at the close of today's market."
I remember it being big news when the company went public in... I want to say 1999, but it may have been 1998. If the worst-case scenario comes to pass here, it'd be even bigger news.
----------------
Now playing: Pearl Jam - Glorified G
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
I Have GOT To Get Out Of This Business, Part VIII
This is another public service announcement.
If you're a disgruntled employee, and if you're thinking of, let's say, creative ways to express your displeasure, and one of the things that crosses your mind is, oh, how do I put this delicately... soiling the bathrooms at your place of employment...
...don't bother.
It's been done.
(We have independent confirmation from well-placed sources that this is legitimate. Besides, I'm not good enough to make this one up.)
If you're a disgruntled employee, and if you're thinking of, let's say, creative ways to express your displeasure, and one of the things that crosses your mind is, oh, how do I put this delicately... soiling the bathrooms at your place of employment...
...don't bother.
It's been done.
(We have independent confirmation from well-placed sources that this is legitimate. Besides, I'm not good enough to make this one up.)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The Top 15 Of 2007
Guess what's back?
You know the rules by now: the list goes back from December through the previous December. In a change from recent years, the bottom of this list is the one that got the most shuffling, as the top three or four slotted in nicely when all the polls reported.
MAYBE NEXT YEAR. WAIT, NO:
Jay-Z - "Lost One"
Fall Out Boy - "The Takeover, The Break's Over"
R. Kelly & Usher - "Same Girl" (Am I the only one who's stunned that R. Kelly still has a career?)
Beck - "Timebomb"
Paramore - "Misery Business"
Wilco - "What Light"
Nine Inch Nails - "Capital G"
WORST SONG OF NOT ONLY THIS YEAR, BUT RECENT MEMORY:
MIMS - "This Is Why I'm Hot" If music is your savior, you're a fucking heretic.
HIT IT:
15. Feist - "1 2 3 4"
This year's iPod Song of the Year.
14. Reverend and the Makers - "Heavyweight Champion of the World"
Jon McClure says what's on his mind and he's not afraid to tell you that, which has got a section of the English music press going "WTF mate" at his apparent ego and/or sanity. He's also brutally honest, as you can hear in this song that's about something only the absolute best of us have never experienced.
13. DJ Khaled (feat. A-Kon, T.I., Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Birdman & Lil' Wayne) - "We Takin' Over"
This seems like too many guys in the same spot for it to work, but the frenzy in the background actually ties everything together. My question is, what are they actually talking about? Are they backing rebel forces in Central America? I feel like the whole video should be convoys of 18-wheelers pulling into port cities.
12. The Hold Steady - "Stuck Between Stations"
This could have been a modest hit for Elvis Costello in another time.
11. Kanye West (feat. T-Pain) - "The Good Life"
Another variation on a theme by Mr. West. I think Butch's T-Pain/Nate Dogg comparison might be accurate, as he kills his hook here, but I've got no use for his solo stuff (Seriously. The coat check girl. You heard it here first.)
10. The White Stripes - "Icky Thump"
I'll let Rolling Stone take this one: "Wondering why there were so few great guitar riffs this year? Turns out Jack White used 'em all up in this song."
9. Spoon - "The Underdog"
And this is this year's "song that would have been much higher had it gotten any airplay whatsoever." Though I'm told it shows up in Cloverfield, so I guess that's something. Bonus points for the mariachis in the video.
8. Finger Eleven - "Paralyzer"
I fear history will remember this as their sellout song, and that's a shame because it's actually pretty funny and an unusual step for a group that doesn't usually do stuff like this.
7. Incubus - "Anna Molly"
See, I like it when the boys get tricky. But unlike "Nice To Know You" where the band takes some complex signatures and makes them sound easy while letting you know that it doesn't quite sound ... right, here it's Brandon Boyd wrapping his voice around the title and giving you something you're not expecting.
6. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Hump de Bump"
As close to a return to their early funk-heavy days as we're going to get.
5. Fall Out Boy - "This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race"
I'm hard-pressed to find a band that makes something sound like nothing and yet manages to keep its sense of humor about the whole thing like these guys. There's better lyrics and better musicianship out there (both even in their own catalog), but no song was as much fun to listen to as this one.
4. Amy Winehouse - "Rehab"
Forget for a moment the incredibly ironic title. Or that you could arguably trace the "How is that voice coming out of that girl?" question back to Fiona Apple's debut ("Criminal" still holds up, by the way.) Listen to the band. The band absolutely nails this. You could sneak this song onto any record during Motown's peak and it'd fit right in.
3. Kanye West - "Stronger"
Daft Punk! Seriously, who figured Kanye would turn to French house masters to try to do something "fresh and new"? That says a lot about a lot of things. The verses don't really go with the chorus, so it's almost like this is two separate songs, but I'm being nitty.
2. The Game (feat. Kanye West) - "Wouldn't Get Far"
You wouldn't think that the same nine girls that appear in every rap video would become a target worthy of the assault Game unleashes here. But then you come to find out that it's partially because they're the same nine girls that appear in every rap video. I don't know if it's true or not, and I don't really care.
1. Nas - "Hip-Hop Is Dead"
Well, I don't know about dead, but there's no disputing that it's seen much better days. In retrospect, "The Takeover" may have been the best thing that ever happened to Nas - his response to that ("Ether") showed he still had it, and this indictment of what hip-hop has become is some of his best stuff in a long time.
----------------
Now playing: Donny Hathaway - The Ghetto
via FoxyTunes
You know the rules by now: the list goes back from December through the previous December. In a change from recent years, the bottom of this list is the one that got the most shuffling, as the top three or four slotted in nicely when all the polls reported.
MAYBE NEXT YEAR. WAIT, NO:
Jay-Z - "Lost One"
Fall Out Boy - "The Takeover, The Break's Over"
R. Kelly & Usher - "Same Girl" (Am I the only one who's stunned that R. Kelly still has a career?)
Beck - "Timebomb"
Paramore - "Misery Business"
Wilco - "What Light"
Nine Inch Nails - "Capital G"
WORST SONG OF NOT ONLY THIS YEAR, BUT RECENT MEMORY:
MIMS - "This Is Why I'm Hot" If music is your savior, you're a fucking heretic.
HIT IT:
15. Feist - "1 2 3 4"
This year's iPod Song of the Year.
14. Reverend and the Makers - "Heavyweight Champion of the World"
Jon McClure says what's on his mind and he's not afraid to tell you that, which has got a section of the English music press going "WTF mate" at his apparent ego and/or sanity. He's also brutally honest, as you can hear in this song that's about something only the absolute best of us have never experienced.
13. DJ Khaled (feat. A-Kon, T.I., Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Birdman & Lil' Wayne) - "We Takin' Over"
This seems like too many guys in the same spot for it to work, but the frenzy in the background actually ties everything together. My question is, what are they actually talking about? Are they backing rebel forces in Central America? I feel like the whole video should be convoys of 18-wheelers pulling into port cities.
12. The Hold Steady - "Stuck Between Stations"
This could have been a modest hit for Elvis Costello in another time.
11. Kanye West (feat. T-Pain) - "The Good Life"
Another variation on a theme by Mr. West. I think Butch's T-Pain/Nate Dogg comparison might be accurate, as he kills his hook here, but I've got no use for his solo stuff (Seriously. The coat check girl. You heard it here first.)
10. The White Stripes - "Icky Thump"
I'll let Rolling Stone take this one: "Wondering why there were so few great guitar riffs this year? Turns out Jack White used 'em all up in this song."
9. Spoon - "The Underdog"
And this is this year's "song that would have been much higher had it gotten any airplay whatsoever." Though I'm told it shows up in Cloverfield, so I guess that's something. Bonus points for the mariachis in the video.
8. Finger Eleven - "Paralyzer"
I fear history will remember this as their sellout song, and that's a shame because it's actually pretty funny and an unusual step for a group that doesn't usually do stuff like this.
7. Incubus - "Anna Molly"
See, I like it when the boys get tricky. But unlike "Nice To Know You" where the band takes some complex signatures and makes them sound easy while letting you know that it doesn't quite sound ... right, here it's Brandon Boyd wrapping his voice around the title and giving you something you're not expecting.
6. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Hump de Bump"
As close to a return to their early funk-heavy days as we're going to get.
5. Fall Out Boy - "This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race"
I'm hard-pressed to find a band that makes something sound like nothing and yet manages to keep its sense of humor about the whole thing like these guys. There's better lyrics and better musicianship out there (both even in their own catalog), but no song was as much fun to listen to as this one.
4. Amy Winehouse - "Rehab"
Forget for a moment the incredibly ironic title. Or that you could arguably trace the "How is that voice coming out of that girl?" question back to Fiona Apple's debut ("Criminal" still holds up, by the way.) Listen to the band. The band absolutely nails this. You could sneak this song onto any record during Motown's peak and it'd fit right in.
3. Kanye West - "Stronger"
Daft Punk! Seriously, who figured Kanye would turn to French house masters to try to do something "fresh and new"? That says a lot about a lot of things. The verses don't really go with the chorus, so it's almost like this is two separate songs, but I'm being nitty.
2. The Game (feat. Kanye West) - "Wouldn't Get Far"
You wouldn't think that the same nine girls that appear in every rap video would become a target worthy of the assault Game unleashes here. But then you come to find out that it's partially because they're the same nine girls that appear in every rap video. I don't know if it's true or not, and I don't really care.
1. Nas - "Hip-Hop Is Dead"
Well, I don't know about dead, but there's no disputing that it's seen much better days. In retrospect, "The Takeover" may have been the best thing that ever happened to Nas - his response to that ("Ether") showed he still had it, and this indictment of what hip-hop has become is some of his best stuff in a long time.
----------------
Now playing: Donny Hathaway - The Ghetto
via FoxyTunes
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