They're Getting Ballsy

I guess the fact that there's someone new on the Interwebs every single day keeps these scams going.  But it takes a special kind of degenerate to put this particular twist on it:

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 12:46 PM ( 1 week 3 days ago )
From "Mrs. Suha Arafat" [Add]
To undisclosed-recipients: ;
Subject Investment Programme

Dear Friend, 

This mail may not be surprising to you if you have been following current events in the international media with reference to the Middle East and Palestine in particular. I'm Mrs. SUHA ARAFAT, the wife of YASSER ARAFAT, the Palestinian leader who died some years ago in Paris. I'm contacting you for investment purposes in real estate in your country. You must have heard over the media reports or the Internet on the discovery of some fund in my husband secret bank account/ companies and the allegations of some huge sum of money deposited by my husband in my name of which I have refused to disclose or give up to the Palestine Government. In fact the total sum allegedly discovered by the Government so far is in the tune of about $6.5 Billion Dollars, they are not relenting on their effort to make me poor for life hence my desire for an assistance. You can visit the BBC news broadcast below for better understanding of what I am talking about; http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/3995769.stm http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/3479937.stm 

I personally deposited the sum of US$20 million dollars with a security firm in Europe whose name is withheld for now until we open communication. I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your bank account for safe keeping and Investment into real estates or any viable investment. This arrangement is known to you and my personal Attorney. He might be dealing with you directly for security reasons as the case may be. In view of the above, if you are willing to assist for our mutual benefits, we will have to negotiate on your Percentage share of the $20,000,000 that will be kept in your possession for a while and invested in your name for my trust pending when my Daughter, Zahwa, will come off age and take full responsibility of her Family Estate/inheritance. 

I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith. Please include your tel, numbers to expedite action. Kindly reply through (arafatsuha26@yahoo.com.co) 

Yours sincerely, 

Mrs. Suha Arafat

Note that the first paragraph - particularly the part about the money transfers - is true.  Hoo boy.

Grand Theft Cable

Up until the end, this post was supposed to be titled "Unplugged" and it was supposed to be about how I spent at least 36 hours outside the Information Age. No TV, no cable, no Internet. It was supposed to be about how shockingly productive I was without being able to switch on and drop out. I might have even thrown in a life lesson or two, or said something pithy about how we need to disconnect every once in a while in order to reconnect with the world around us.

But that, as we say in my business, would be "burying the lede."

And the lede is this: I got my cable stolen.

Our story begins late Tuesday night, when I got home from work and turned the TV on, flipping channels while waiting for Poker After Dark to start. There's no picture. This, by itself, isn't particularly unusual - I just figured the cable had gone out for one reason or another, possibly weather-related. So I figured it wasn't anything more than that. But it went on (or didn't, as the case may be) for a little longer, and I just figured the cable was OUT out for whatever reason and went to bed.

I got up on Wednesday, still nothing. Or possibly nothing again; I'm not sure at the moment. My Internet wasn't working, either. And again, I didn't really think that much of it because I assumed it was being fixed. So I went out hunting for a new battery for my digital camera (which I'd found two days earlier after having it go missing for three months, but that story's not nearly as interesting) as well as my bi-weekly grocery shopping trip. No luck on the battery. There's a non-zero chance they don't make it any more.

I got home... still nothing. Now it's officially ridiculous. I called the cable company - it's about 8 by this point - and they told me they'd send somebody over the next day (today, now).

Now it's today. And we've all been there with the cable company. They tell you 10 to 12 and it's always closer to 12 than 10. In this case, it was after 12 when the guy finally called (I'd actually called them again just to make sure I didn't miss their call the first time) and he said he'd be over in 10 minutes or so.

When he showed up, he immediately told me to turn my TV on. I did. It came on.

What he said next was the last thing I expected I'd hear.

Apparently what happened was one of my neighbors had enterprisingly gotten into an outside cable connection and cut off a set of fittings, then illegally hooked up his own to that set. The set they cut off happened to be mine.

I was stunned. I actually said, "I didn't think this still happened in 2008."

By this point my modem had come back online too. I didn't think to ask how he knew what had happened, but he had obviously checked the box outside and cut off the illegal connection before he came in to see me. He did cut me some new connectors because my picture had gone fuzzy, so that was nice of him.

After he left, I plopped down in my chair and just started laughing. I got my cable stolen. In 2008. Think about that. It's absurd.

Semi-related tangent: The first story that came up on Yahoo after I started Firefox: the LifeLock guy getting nailed. Seriously, who didn't see that one coming.

I Have GOT To Get Out Of This Business, Part VIII

This is another public service announcement.

If you're a disgruntled employee, and if you're thinking of, let's say, creative ways to express your displeasure, and one of the things that crosses your mind is, oh, how do I put this delicately... soiling the bathrooms at your place of employment...

...don't bother.

It's been done.

(We have independent confirmation from well-placed sources that this is legitimate. Besides, I'm not good enough to make this one up.)