Favorite CD: Ben Folds Live
Favorite movie: X-2. Don't get to the movies much.
Trend I'm most sick of: Reality TV/Paris Hilton (tie)
My favorite new toy: Madden 2004's franchise mode
I'm totally obsessed with: Honestly, nothing
Best sex I've had this year: *dies laughing*
My 2003 regret: Not doing enough. Just in general.
Word or phrase of the year: "That's it! THAT's the list!" - Tony Kornheiser after every Top 5 on PTI
Who most needs a Queer Eye makeover?: Mark from work. And it's not even close.
Is Kobe guilty?: Of adultery, yes.
Ambition for 2004: Clean up this mess
Best song I downloaded this year: Talib Kweli - "Get By"
The drunkest I was this year: Hmmm. Probably the Tom and Nancy go-away bash
Where I'll be on New Year's Eve: Damned if I know.
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17
In Which Grooves Are Busted, History Repeats Itself, And Things Fall Apart
31-0? Hey, wasn't that the score of...
Donovan's celebration... yeah. I don't know where that came from. I blame Rob and his JIB agents. I had Westbrook on my fantasy team and I didn't realize he'd scored that many touchdowns. That's gonna hurt. Spurrier has to realize by now that what he's doing isn't working. And PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who saw the Brian Dawkins German suplex.
My only guess is that the Eagles winning prompted Fox to change our game from Cowboys-Saints to Rams-Lions. This was... it was like the Rams thought it was "first to 20 wins" or something. I'd say they got up and left but Bulger just got sacked again. There's been an Otis Smith sighting! This happened to the Eagles LAST year, too, just with far less convoluted results (Jets, after learning the Pats beat Miami to give them life, lay smack down on Packers and win division; loss sends Packers from #1 seed to #3, where they get beaten by Vick). You can't drop your finale to the Lions' C-teamers. You just can't.
Me? I also got to watch the Bengals' dream die. Still, 8-8 is enough to get Marvin the key to the city at LEAST. Am I the only one surprised that Suggs didn't hurt himself on the touchdown run?
Neil O'Donnell! I don't care what your cap situation is, you've gotta find a way to keep three quarterbacks in today's NFL. Did we ever figure out what happened to the Bucs? Meanwhile, the Texans were putting it on the Colts until everybody remembered what was going on. Edge went nuts, and the Strickland interception basically decided the game. Forty-one in a row's nice, Vanderjagt. But if you get a shot next week and blow it like you did in 2000, you'll never hear the end of it.
The Cardinals have picked some people off at home this year, and the Vikings had been spitting up against bad teams, but this... I never would have expected this. I didn't see the official signal "push" the first time they showed the catch, so I didn't know why they were reviewing for possession at first. Chris said it perfectly - this should never have happened. The Packers invited Poole to the game. Free playoff game? Damn straight. And he's a Cardinal, so it's not like he's making any money ANYWAY.
I'd figured by this point that the Ravens would at least let Jamal get to 2,000 and then take it from there. Did anyone else find a lot of the playcalling completely nonsensical? Like the Ravens abandoning the run in the third quarter? Ray has twice as many interceptions this year as McAlister. Fake punt~~~~ Blood hatred~~~~ Dickerson's "I'm Not Nervous" sign~~~~ James initially thought Richey missed on purpose before being told it was from 52 or whatever.
TOP 3:
1. New England - They may not be stopped
2. Tennessee - McNair gets much-needed rest
3. Philadelphia - Third time the charm?
BOTTOM 3:
30. San Diego - The Chargers are ON THE CLOCK. My advice: Trade down and get off
31. Oakland - Players packing up Callahan's things for him
32. N.Y. Giants - No truth to the rumor team is changing logo to a tank
31-0? Hey, wasn't that the score of...
Donovan's celebration... yeah. I don't know where that came from. I blame Rob and his JIB agents. I had Westbrook on my fantasy team and I didn't realize he'd scored that many touchdowns. That's gonna hurt. Spurrier has to realize by now that what he's doing isn't working. And PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one who saw the Brian Dawkins German suplex.
My only guess is that the Eagles winning prompted Fox to change our game from Cowboys-Saints to Rams-Lions. This was... it was like the Rams thought it was "first to 20 wins" or something. I'd say they got up and left but Bulger just got sacked again. There's been an Otis Smith sighting! This happened to the Eagles LAST year, too, just with far less convoluted results (Jets, after learning the Pats beat Miami to give them life, lay smack down on Packers and win division; loss sends Packers from #1 seed to #3, where they get beaten by Vick). You can't drop your finale to the Lions' C-teamers. You just can't.
Me? I also got to watch the Bengals' dream die. Still, 8-8 is enough to get Marvin the key to the city at LEAST. Am I the only one surprised that Suggs didn't hurt himself on the touchdown run?
Neil O'Donnell! I don't care what your cap situation is, you've gotta find a way to keep three quarterbacks in today's NFL. Did we ever figure out what happened to the Bucs? Meanwhile, the Texans were putting it on the Colts until everybody remembered what was going on. Edge went nuts, and the Strickland interception basically decided the game. Forty-one in a row's nice, Vanderjagt. But if you get a shot next week and blow it like you did in 2000, you'll never hear the end of it.
The Cardinals have picked some people off at home this year, and the Vikings had been spitting up against bad teams, but this... I never would have expected this. I didn't see the official signal "push" the first time they showed the catch, so I didn't know why they were reviewing for possession at first. Chris said it perfectly - this should never have happened. The Packers invited Poole to the game. Free playoff game? Damn straight. And he's a Cardinal, so it's not like he's making any money ANYWAY.
I'd figured by this point that the Ravens would at least let Jamal get to 2,000 and then take it from there. Did anyone else find a lot of the playcalling completely nonsensical? Like the Ravens abandoning the run in the third quarter? Ray has twice as many interceptions this year as McAlister. Fake punt~~~~ Blood hatred~~~~ Dickerson's "I'm Not Nervous" sign~~~~ James initially thought Richey missed on purpose before being told it was from 52 or whatever.
TOP 3:
1. New England - They may not be stopped
2. Tennessee - McNair gets much-needed rest
3. Philadelphia - Third time the charm?
BOTTOM 3:
30. San Diego - The Chargers are ON THE CLOCK. My advice: Trade down and get off
31. Oakland - Players packing up Callahan's things for him
32. N.Y. Giants - No truth to the rumor team is changing logo to a tank
Sunday, December 28, 2003
The Gathering
The Food:
Leg of lamb
roasted potatoes
collards
The Loot:
Ric Flair DVD
Soul Calibur II
Dave Barry 365-day calendar
three shirts, one a "RUST HTHR" color whatever the hell that is
Boogers Are My Beat by Dave Barry
two (!) Christmas ornaments
entertainment center
Leg of lamb
roasted potatoes
collards
The Loot:
Ric Flair DVD
Soul Calibur II
Dave Barry 365-day calendar
three shirts, one a "RUST HTHR" color whatever the hell that is
Boogers Are My Beat by Dave Barry
two (!) Christmas ornaments
entertainment center
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Illinois-Chicago Diary (Week 10)
Polls: WE HAVE A NEW NUMBER ONE. It’s 15-0 Alabama, who beat LSU and Mississippi State last week. Florida lost to both Georgia and South Carolina to drop to third. Oklahoma, the only other unbeaten team left at 16-0, jumped from No. 8 to No. 4. Maryland and Syracuse tumbled from fifth and fourth to 18th and 20th, respectively.
Recruiting: Meet the newest Flame:
PF Jared Street (6’8”, 188, Chicago; Sheridan, Wyo., JC)
We’re not quite sure where he fits in on our front line yet, but he’ll need to add weight for sure. Assistant coach Alonzo Bloom called coach Mills on Sunday and said there was someone a lot of schools had overlooked who could help solve our looming problem at small forward, and we gave the young man our final scholarship offer:
SF Sean Keyes (6’7”, 206, LaPorte, IN)
Awards:
Horizon League Player of the Week: PF #31 Martin Sanchez, 6’10” senior, Detroit (21.5 ppg, 10.5 rpg)
Horizon League Freshman of the Week: SF #24 Andy Hayes, 6’4” freshman, Wright State (17 ppg) And all was right with the world. Cooper was second in the voting.
National Player of the Week: PF Eugene Ellis, 6’7” senior, Bethune-Cookman (29 ppg, 14.5 rpg)
National Freshman of the Week: SF David Newby, 6’3” freshman, Charlotte (29 ppg, 20 rpg, 4 spg) 41 and 22 in an overtime win over Marquette.
Injuries: A little bit of good news — Miller’s recovering ahead of schedule and could be back in four weeks. However, it looks like Scott’s season is definitely over.
Game 17 Report
Illinois-Chicago (9-7, 2-2) at Wisconsin-Milwaukee (4-12, 0-4)
Saturday, January 18, 2003
The Horizon League has nine teams, which means there’s gonna be one week in conference play where a team only has one game. This is our week.
This also kicks off a strange four-week stretch during which we play the same three teams twice: this game, vs. Cleveland State and at Detroit next week, then at Cleveland State and home against these guys the following week, then Detroit comes in the week after that. So it’s the bottom-feeders mixed in with the preseason conference favorites. It’s probably our hardest stretch of the season.
For those of you who’ve forgotten, this is the team with the player from the Indiana School for the Blind on it. Freshman Greg Morrill has appeared in four games, played seven minutes total, took two shots and missed them both, and turned the ball over once. And yes, he is only legally blind. Maybe not even, but close. About 86% is what I heard.
Our initial problem as the Panthers took an early lead was stopping junior center Cory Felix. He got behind the defense for a dunk to start the game, hit a 16-footer a little later, and got his third basket on a layup in traffic. So a defensive switch was made, and we put White on him, leaving the shorter Williams free to defend off the post. Our second problem was a familiar one — our inability to take care of the ball. The Panthers got five steals in the first seven minutes of the game. To only be down 14-10 seemed almost miraculous. Our third problem was Correa picking up three fouls before the half was half over.
Fortunately, Fields was playing well off the bench, tying the score at 16 with the half nearly half finished on a jumper. The Panthers re-took the lead from the line before yet another “trademark” three-pointer by Muhammad tied it up again at 20 two minutes later. Jones actually played point guard for about a minute and a half to give Cooper a breather. Wagner gave us our first lead with a jumper, then Williams extended it with another jumper (What’s with all our big guys taking jump shots? Ah, well. At least they’re making them) and Jones drained a three that forced the Panthers to call time out. Is 13-6 really a “run”? I dunno, but we’ll take the 29-24 lead that went along with it. Three straight baskets by Damian Jackson put an end to the euphoria, however. Wagner got us the lead back with a putback, but the Panthers would score the last four points of the half and lead 35-31.
The second half didn’t start well for us, as we couldn’t stop the Panthers at all. They scored on their first six possessions to extend their lead to 49-40 at one point, and point guard Ian Okotie was becoming a fourth problem, as he’d come on in the later stages of the first half and stayed hot into the second. Poor free throw shooting on our part would likely be the fifth problem. The Panthers went back inside, to Felix and Jason Burch, and ran the lead to 62-50 before time was called. That was with 9:16 left. Two and a half minutes later, it was 69-55.
Nothing we tried defensively was working. Cooper got frustrated and committed a flagrant foul on Okotie, which left Mills steaming. We started chipping away at their lead, but we were losing time, and it soon became “give some fouls and make some threes” time. Two minutes left, down 76-68. Okotie missed the front end of a one-and-one, and Jones came down and hit a three. But Cooper fouled out on the next possession, and we got three shots at their end and missed all three, sealing our embarrassing fate.
An 11-point loss (82-71) to the worst team in the conference. Ick. Okotie had a double-double with 20 points and 10 assists to lead all five Panther starters in double figures. Williams led us with 17 while Jones added 15. Cooper had eight assists but only two points, and White only got one rebound the entire second half. We also turned the ball over 15 times to their seven.
Happy holidays to my five readers. See you this weekend.
Recruiting: Meet the newest Flame:
PF Jared Street (6’8”, 188, Chicago; Sheridan, Wyo., JC)
We’re not quite sure where he fits in on our front line yet, but he’ll need to add weight for sure. Assistant coach Alonzo Bloom called coach Mills on Sunday and said there was someone a lot of schools had overlooked who could help solve our looming problem at small forward, and we gave the young man our final scholarship offer:
SF Sean Keyes (6’7”, 206, LaPorte, IN)
Awards:
Horizon League Player of the Week: PF #31 Martin Sanchez, 6’10” senior, Detroit (21.5 ppg, 10.5 rpg)
Horizon League Freshman of the Week: SF #24 Andy Hayes, 6’4” freshman, Wright State (17 ppg) And all was right with the world. Cooper was second in the voting.
National Player of the Week: PF Eugene Ellis, 6’7” senior, Bethune-Cookman (29 ppg, 14.5 rpg)
National Freshman of the Week: SF David Newby, 6’3” freshman, Charlotte (29 ppg, 20 rpg, 4 spg) 41 and 22 in an overtime win over Marquette.
Injuries: A little bit of good news — Miller’s recovering ahead of schedule and could be back in four weeks. However, it looks like Scott’s season is definitely over.
Game 17 Report
Illinois-Chicago (9-7, 2-2) at Wisconsin-Milwaukee (4-12, 0-4)
Saturday, January 18, 2003
The Horizon League has nine teams, which means there’s gonna be one week in conference play where a team only has one game. This is our week.
This also kicks off a strange four-week stretch during which we play the same three teams twice: this game, vs. Cleveland State and at Detroit next week, then at Cleveland State and home against these guys the following week, then Detroit comes in the week after that. So it’s the bottom-feeders mixed in with the preseason conference favorites. It’s probably our hardest stretch of the season.
For those of you who’ve forgotten, this is the team with the player from the Indiana School for the Blind on it. Freshman Greg Morrill has appeared in four games, played seven minutes total, took two shots and missed them both, and turned the ball over once. And yes, he is only legally blind. Maybe not even, but close. About 86% is what I heard.
Our initial problem as the Panthers took an early lead was stopping junior center Cory Felix. He got behind the defense for a dunk to start the game, hit a 16-footer a little later, and got his third basket on a layup in traffic. So a defensive switch was made, and we put White on him, leaving the shorter Williams free to defend off the post. Our second problem was a familiar one — our inability to take care of the ball. The Panthers got five steals in the first seven minutes of the game. To only be down 14-10 seemed almost miraculous. Our third problem was Correa picking up three fouls before the half was half over.
Fortunately, Fields was playing well off the bench, tying the score at 16 with the half nearly half finished on a jumper. The Panthers re-took the lead from the line before yet another “trademark” three-pointer by Muhammad tied it up again at 20 two minutes later. Jones actually played point guard for about a minute and a half to give Cooper a breather. Wagner gave us our first lead with a jumper, then Williams extended it with another jumper (What’s with all our big guys taking jump shots? Ah, well. At least they’re making them) and Jones drained a three that forced the Panthers to call time out. Is 13-6 really a “run”? I dunno, but we’ll take the 29-24 lead that went along with it. Three straight baskets by Damian Jackson put an end to the euphoria, however. Wagner got us the lead back with a putback, but the Panthers would score the last four points of the half and lead 35-31.
The second half didn’t start well for us, as we couldn’t stop the Panthers at all. They scored on their first six possessions to extend their lead to 49-40 at one point, and point guard Ian Okotie was becoming a fourth problem, as he’d come on in the later stages of the first half and stayed hot into the second. Poor free throw shooting on our part would likely be the fifth problem. The Panthers went back inside, to Felix and Jason Burch, and ran the lead to 62-50 before time was called. That was with 9:16 left. Two and a half minutes later, it was 69-55.
Nothing we tried defensively was working. Cooper got frustrated and committed a flagrant foul on Okotie, which left Mills steaming. We started chipping away at their lead, but we were losing time, and it soon became “give some fouls and make some threes” time. Two minutes left, down 76-68. Okotie missed the front end of a one-and-one, and Jones came down and hit a three. But Cooper fouled out on the next possession, and we got three shots at their end and missed all three, sealing our embarrassing fate.
An 11-point loss (82-71) to the worst team in the conference. Ick. Okotie had a double-double with 20 points and 10 assists to lead all five Panther starters in double figures. Williams led us with 17 while Jones added 15. Cooper had eight assists but only two points, and White only got one rebound the entire second half. We also turned the ball over 15 times to their seven.
Happy holidays to my five readers. See you this weekend.
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16
In Which Fears Are Realized, The Unthinkable Happens - Twice, And Respect Must Be Offered
Dan Reeves was likely sitting at home cursing the gods. Who gave the Falcons' secondary recognition and coverage ability? Vick colliding with Duckett and STILL getting the first down was just... wrong. Bye-bye, Bucs!
Randy, about the hair. Never again. NEVER. You looked like Diana Ross. Fortunately for the Vikes, the Chiefs' defense PLAYED like Diana Ross. What was this? This was being horribly exposed, that's what. I said at the beginning of the season that their secondary was still weak. What had been saving them was their ability to force turnovers, and they haven't been able to do that recently.
They have to lose at some point, right? Right?
Funny yet sad was watching Nantz call the end of Titans-Texans on the post-game show. Is there anything he doesn't do for that network? And in a related note, is there anything McNair can't do for his team? Anything?
Quincy having to ask Richie Anderson to help him dump the bucket on Parcells was the funniest thing I'd heard all day.
Hang on, I'm being handed a bulletin... the Cleveland Browns have just been purchased by a J. Lewis, 24 years old, born in Atlanta. There's a statement here... he says: "I don't plan on making ANY changes."
I decided that the first lateral was straight across the field and it was all gravy from there. Then... oh man. I heard someone say the hold was botched and that that had been a problem recently? But Carney had only missed five extra points in his whole CAREER. Think about that. Forget walking back to New Orleans; he and Mitch Berger (punter/holder) oughta head south to Cuba. In separate rafts.
Why isn't Tony Parrish in the Pro Bowl? This is going to sound weird, but I'm kinda glad they lost. Because the pressure of keeping up the streak is gone (do YOU think anybody's gonna win 15 in a row?) Emmons really was one of the unsung guys on this team - he'd cover tight ends, blitz, really did everything from that spot. T.O. had already cost himself even more money with those drops, and that may be the most underpublicized broken collarbone in history. I can't really criticize Erickson because he did what Parcells didn't do two weks ago and stuck with the run. Though this team should be better than their record. Then Akers goes and misses two field goals. What's going on here? Why isn't Tony Parrish in the Pro Bowl? Even more importantly, we may have just gotten a Rams-Pats rematch.
First Bad Jake showed up and gave the Colts the early advantage. Then Good Jake showed up and kicked his ass. "We're the Denver Broncos, and we make backs great." It's a strange time when the Broncos making the playoffs is a blip on the radar.
Brett Favre r00lz. That is all.
Fantasy Report: Well, I benched Bruce and hoped against hope Portis could go. He didn't. Plummer outplayed Manning, but Moss and Barlow were the difference as Nate beat me in the USFLaPa finals, 107-91 (rounding up.) He'll face Sven in the Bacardi Bowl. The scores from MNF haven't gone up yet, but I'm fairly certain that had I gone with my gut and started Javon Walker, I would've won. Oh well. To even make the finals after the horrific start my original core players had was an accomplishment in itself.
TOP 3:
1. New England - History's least imposing-looking juggernaut
2. St. Louis - Bulger still perfect in dome home
3. Tennessee - This one was way too close
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cleveland - This wasn't supposed to happen, was it?
31. San Diego - Sputtering to the finish
32. Arizona - Going nowhere slow
Dan Reeves was likely sitting at home cursing the gods. Who gave the Falcons' secondary recognition and coverage ability? Vick colliding with Duckett and STILL getting the first down was just... wrong. Bye-bye, Bucs!
Randy, about the hair. Never again. NEVER. You looked like Diana Ross. Fortunately for the Vikes, the Chiefs' defense PLAYED like Diana Ross. What was this? This was being horribly exposed, that's what. I said at the beginning of the season that their secondary was still weak. What had been saving them was their ability to force turnovers, and they haven't been able to do that recently.
They have to lose at some point, right? Right?
Funny yet sad was watching Nantz call the end of Titans-Texans on the post-game show. Is there anything he doesn't do for that network? And in a related note, is there anything McNair can't do for his team? Anything?
Quincy having to ask Richie Anderson to help him dump the bucket on Parcells was the funniest thing I'd heard all day.
Hang on, I'm being handed a bulletin... the Cleveland Browns have just been purchased by a J. Lewis, 24 years old, born in Atlanta. There's a statement here... he says: "I don't plan on making ANY changes."
I decided that the first lateral was straight across the field and it was all gravy from there. Then... oh man. I heard someone say the hold was botched and that that had been a problem recently? But Carney had only missed five extra points in his whole CAREER. Think about that. Forget walking back to New Orleans; he and Mitch Berger (punter/holder) oughta head south to Cuba. In separate rafts.
Why isn't Tony Parrish in the Pro Bowl? This is going to sound weird, but I'm kinda glad they lost. Because the pressure of keeping up the streak is gone (do YOU think anybody's gonna win 15 in a row?) Emmons really was one of the unsung guys on this team - he'd cover tight ends, blitz, really did everything from that spot. T.O. had already cost himself even more money with those drops, and that may be the most underpublicized broken collarbone in history. I can't really criticize Erickson because he did what Parcells didn't do two weks ago and stuck with the run. Though this team should be better than their record. Then Akers goes and misses two field goals. What's going on here? Why isn't Tony Parrish in the Pro Bowl? Even more importantly, we may have just gotten a Rams-Pats rematch.
First Bad Jake showed up and gave the Colts the early advantage. Then Good Jake showed up and kicked his ass. "We're the Denver Broncos, and we make backs great." It's a strange time when the Broncos making the playoffs is a blip on the radar.
Brett Favre r00lz. That is all.
Fantasy Report: Well, I benched Bruce and hoped against hope Portis could go. He didn't. Plummer outplayed Manning, but Moss and Barlow were the difference as Nate beat me in the USFLaPa finals, 107-91 (rounding up.) He'll face Sven in the Bacardi Bowl. The scores from MNF haven't gone up yet, but I'm fairly certain that had I gone with my gut and started Javon Walker, I would've won. Oh well. To even make the finals after the horrific start my original core players had was an accomplishment in itself.
TOP 3:
1. New England - History's least imposing-looking juggernaut
2. St. Louis - Bulger still perfect in dome home
3. Tennessee - This one was way too close
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cleveland - This wasn't supposed to happen, was it?
31. San Diego - Sputtering to the finish
32. Arizona - Going nowhere slow
Sunday, December 21, 2003
ZING
Grand Theft Rob: you work for a newspaper, right?
IdeaMan405: Yeah
Grand Theft Rob: which means you could fake the articles I need of Chris Gates beating up Packer fans. :-D
Grand Theft Rob: right, right!
IdeaMan405: I could.
Grand Theft Rob: okay, okay. I'll bribe you. *slips Matt a penny*
IdeaMan405: Whether I will is another matter entirely. :-D
Grand Theft Rob: and there's plenty more where that came from!
IdeaMan405: Oh you're gonna have to do better than THAT.
Grand Theft Rob: you're a tough sell. *slips Matt a dime*
Grand Theft Rob: and this is for your trouble. *slips Matt a nickel AND a dime*
IdeaMan405: What the hell.
IdeaMan405: I can't even buy A STAMP with that.
Grand Theft Rob: *slips Matt a roll of stamps* I got postage, too, baby.
Grand Theft Rob: *holds out trenchcoat to reveal Priority Mail stamps*
IdeaMan405: Apparently the saying "Everything's bigger in Texas" doesn't apply to your wallet
IdeaMan405: Yeah
Grand Theft Rob: which means you could fake the articles I need of Chris Gates beating up Packer fans. :-D
Grand Theft Rob: right, right!
IdeaMan405: I could.
Grand Theft Rob: okay, okay. I'll bribe you. *slips Matt a penny*
IdeaMan405: Whether I will is another matter entirely. :-D
Grand Theft Rob: and there's plenty more where that came from!
IdeaMan405: Oh you're gonna have to do better than THAT.
Grand Theft Rob: you're a tough sell. *slips Matt a dime*
Grand Theft Rob: and this is for your trouble. *slips Matt a nickel AND a dime*
IdeaMan405: What the hell.
IdeaMan405: I can't even buy A STAMP with that.
Grand Theft Rob: *slips Matt a roll of stamps* I got postage, too, baby.
Grand Theft Rob: *holds out trenchcoat to reveal Priority Mail stamps*
IdeaMan405: Apparently the saying "Everything's bigger in Texas" doesn't apply to your wallet
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
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