Signal Finder: PHI @ WSH, DAL @ NYG, CIN @ BAL
Everybody's back for the Rams ... well, as many of 'everybody' as they're realistically going to get. Yay for attacking the opponent's weakness on defense. What took you so long? (Rams 37, Saints 29)
James Thrash? Really? I don't know what Gibbs is doing here. It's 3 o'clock and we're already getting the Vikings/Packers audience? Jeez. L.J. Smith lives! Baldinger's pretty much right about the two-point conversion chart. How about a stop? Something? No? Keenan McCardell lives! I'm concerned - the Skins' wide receivers have caught no touchdowns this year before today and now they're Jerry Rice. The Eagles see a big hole in the middle of the field with Taylor out. That's going to the well one too many times. REGGIE BROWN LIVES! Sick catch there. Again, how about a stop? Or not shooting yourself in the foot, at least? Why run the ball, Gibbs? I'm starting to wonder if maybe he doesn't have it anymore. That was a hell of a hold and reminiscent of both Redskins games last year where they weren't able to finish off drives. Oh, man, Westbrook's got this. GOGOGOGOGO. That's good blocking. Thrash is still on the sideline? Isn't this important? Get him into the locker room for attention! Pick it up! I'm sad that none of you got to see Westbrook's postgame ensemble. He looked like he just got back from ambushing Sonny at the toll booth. Which, in a way, he did. (Eagles 33, Redskins 25)
3-2? I was wondering why the Fox ticker was showing hockey scores for a second. It'd be fitting if that was the final, wasn't it? And it's kind of unfortunate that it's not. (Bills 13, Dolphins 10)
NO! NOT THE RED JERSEYS! And apparently those things have put the Cowboys on tilt, since they're playing dumb like last year's Giants did. This is Shockey's best game ever. Seriously, the Cowboys are killing themselves here. Taunting? At that point? Just stupid. That's a hold? How is that a hold? That's gonna cost the Giants in the end. See? How about covering T.O.? Oh, that's right, you only have one decent defensive back. You've let a nation down, Big Blue. (Cowboys 31, Giants 20)
The Bengals score zero touchdowns and still win by 14? Yeah, whatever, Billick. Troy Smith better hurry up and get ready. (Bengals 21, Ravens 7)
"Hello, 911? I'd like to report a kidnapping. Yes. The victim's name? Peyton Manning. P-E-Y..." Seriously, besides the fact that Harrison, Clark and Gonzalez are out, what's going on here? You forget how obscenely quick Darren Sproles is. Nice recall by Madden to bring up the Antonio Freeman game on Session's end-zone pickup. If the whistle's inadvertent, shouldn't the play keep going? I'm just asking. That's a break for the Chargers if anything. "Alacrity", Al? You're aware this is a football game, right? You don't think the Colts can pull this off? The Chargers' offense has done nothing all night. I didn't think Addai got it the first time. What the hell is this? What the hell was THAT?! "Hello, 911? I'd like to report a kidnapping. Yes, another one. Adam Vinatieri. V-I-N-A-T-I-E-R-I." (Chargers 23, Colts 21)
RIP Dick Nolan. Hell yeah, "The Price Is Right" is an American institution! Get out of the film room sometime, Jaws. Hasselbeck admitting postgame that he didn't believe it when Holmgren told him they were going to pass more was tremendous. (Seahawks 24, 49ers 0)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL:CI (7-3, L1): This was a disgrace. Scott and I were both 7-2 before my leading scorer was the Atlanta defense. I don't think 42.07 is an all-time low for me, but it's damn close.
Jacksux 4 (4-6, L1): One of these days I'll learn to trust my instincts. My instincts told me to start Ben over Carson this week. I actually had Ben in the slot but switched back late in the week, and if I'd kept him there, I would've won. Damn it. (After further calculations this is wrong. I'd have lost by .08. In a sense, it's actually better this way.)
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. New England (9-0) - Spent week off stewing in their own juices
2. Indianapolis (7-2) - Medic!
3. Dallas (8-1) - Pulling away in NFC East
BOTTOM 3:
30. N.Y. Jets (1-8) - It's gotten really bad
31. St. Louis (1-8) - Finally!
32. Miami (0-9) - Will Dolphins Stadium burn like the Orange Bowl did?
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: A Single Bound
Signal Finder: SD @ MIN, WSH @ NYJ, NE @ IND, SEA @ CLE (WTF @ radio)
What's happened to the Broncos? Better yet, what's happened to the Lions? Watching the updates, this thing started off like nothing and it snowballed and all of a sudden it's 23-0. Patrick Ramsey lives! I still maintain he got screwed in Washington but whatever. I hope Shaun Rogers survives that. (Lions 44, Broncos 7)
You had a feeling they couldn't be held down forever. (Saints 41, Jaguars 24)
Here's the Adrian Peterson we didn't really see last week. You know whose name I haven't heard yet is Antonio Gates. Why are they kicking this field goal? Uh-oh. You're kidding me, right? I don't understand how you can't stop the guy in the space of 109 yards. I've seen more guys jumping over guys in this one game than I can ever remember. Peterson's just making people look like fools. Like I said last week, Bollinger's the best quarterback the Vikings have right now. I didn't realize he had that many yards. That's like a record or something. (Vikings 35, Chargers 17)
I guess the Packers really are that good. (Packers 33, Chiefs 22)
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Falcons 20, 49ers 16
Nice of Belichick to dress up for the festivities. Forcing the Patriots to go three-and-out to start is a massive psychological boost. Wait, Vinatieri missed? That seriously never happens. OK, that's better and an even bigger lift for the Colts. But when did they turn into the Eagles inside the red zone? Simms says it's because of no Harrison, and I'm kind of surprised he's not playing, actually. I'm impressed with how easily the Colts are getting pressure on Brady. I know Freeney and Mathis are good (Mathis pulled out the best spin move you'll see all year) but I didn't think they'd be up in Brady's face so often. Wow, Addai just ran through the Patriots like a knife through soft butter. You don't see that. You also don't see the Pats with only 10 points after three quarters. Great concentration by Brackett on the pick. Where's this Randy Moss been for the last five years? Uh-oh, the tables are starting to turn. You can't just let Welker catch that corner like that. And now the Colts are having protection problems. Are we surprised? Really? Of course, the other side of this is we now have a dynamic where the Colts know they can come back, and ... oh, never mind. This turned out to be a very enlightening game for reasons I'll get to later. (Patriots 24, Colts 20)
Everything that follows will be a letdown. That's only supposed to happen against the Rams. Seriously, why even bother with Jones? I don't get it. Wow, Brown scores there if Baskett doesn't get blocked into him. Who the hell is Tony Curtis? Madden's point about how McNabb throws so few interceptions because he misses so badly when he's off may be the most backhanded compliment he's ever given out. This is starting to get out of hand. You know whose name I haven't heard tonight is Kevin Curtis. Yeah, that's just what they needed. You know, knocking a guy's helmet off is much more impressive when you actually stop him afterwards. I think Al Michaels is jealous of Carrie Underwood. "(Romo) loves to have fun." Um, who doesn't? This was just a better team coming in and whipping ass. Nothing more. T.O.: "There's a lot of love in those boos." No, there weren't. What's it like to go through life so self-deluded? (Cowboys 38, Eagles 17)
Apparently every Steeler ever is not only here tonight, but is somehow on the active roster. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Are these the Ravens this is happening to? I mean, the zero's not a shock, but 35? In the first half? Jaws basically calling for McNair to be benched was kind of shocking.
And here's my point. I'm looking at the rest of the Patriots' schedule. They've already gone to Miami, so there's no risk of Brady struggling down there (plus, the Fins may be down to Jim Kiick at running back by them). The Jets and Bills have absolutely nothing for them. The Ravens can't score enough points. The Eagles may be running on fumes three weeks from now. The Colts showed us the blueprint: Relentless pressure on Brady and an offense that can score enough points to stay with them. There's only one team left that can do both. (Steelers 38, Ravens 7)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL:CI (7-2, W2): Had to sweat this one out. The Revolution got a Monday night touchdown from McGahee, but we held on to win by two.
JackSux 4 (4-5, W1): Had a nail-biter here too, but it looks like I beat Rob's brother. We're still in it.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. New England (9-0) - Anything's officially possible
2. Indianapolis (7-1) - But was anyone paying attention?
3. Dallas (7-1) - Still tops in the junior league
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cincinnati (2-6) - The bad old days are back
31. St. Louis (0-8) - It's a shame they don't play the Dolphins this year...
32. Miami (0-8) - ...or is it?
----------------
Now playing: Staind - It's Been Awhile
via FoxyTunes
What's happened to the Broncos? Better yet, what's happened to the Lions? Watching the updates, this thing started off like nothing and it snowballed and all of a sudden it's 23-0. Patrick Ramsey lives! I still maintain he got screwed in Washington but whatever. I hope Shaun Rogers survives that. (Lions 44, Broncos 7)
You had a feeling they couldn't be held down forever. (Saints 41, Jaguars 24)
Here's the Adrian Peterson we didn't really see last week. You know whose name I haven't heard yet is Antonio Gates. Why are they kicking this field goal? Uh-oh. You're kidding me, right? I don't understand how you can't stop the guy in the space of 109 yards. I've seen more guys jumping over guys in this one game than I can ever remember. Peterson's just making people look like fools. Like I said last week, Bollinger's the best quarterback the Vikings have right now. I didn't realize he had that many yards. That's like a record or something. (Vikings 35, Chargers 17)
I guess the Packers really are that good. (Packers 33, Chiefs 22)
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Falcons 20, 49ers 16
Nice of Belichick to dress up for the festivities. Forcing the Patriots to go three-and-out to start is a massive psychological boost. Wait, Vinatieri missed? That seriously never happens. OK, that's better and an even bigger lift for the Colts. But when did they turn into the Eagles inside the red zone? Simms says it's because of no Harrison, and I'm kind of surprised he's not playing, actually. I'm impressed with how easily the Colts are getting pressure on Brady. I know Freeney and Mathis are good (Mathis pulled out the best spin move you'll see all year) but I didn't think they'd be up in Brady's face so often. Wow, Addai just ran through the Patriots like a knife through soft butter. You don't see that. You also don't see the Pats with only 10 points after three quarters. Great concentration by Brackett on the pick. Where's this Randy Moss been for the last five years? Uh-oh, the tables are starting to turn. You can't just let Welker catch that corner like that. And now the Colts are having protection problems. Are we surprised? Really? Of course, the other side of this is we now have a dynamic where the Colts know they can come back, and ... oh, never mind. This turned out to be a very enlightening game for reasons I'll get to later. (Patriots 24, Colts 20)
Everything that follows will be a letdown. That's only supposed to happen against the Rams. Seriously, why even bother with Jones? I don't get it. Wow, Brown scores there if Baskett doesn't get blocked into him. Who the hell is Tony Curtis? Madden's point about how McNabb throws so few interceptions because he misses so badly when he's off may be the most backhanded compliment he's ever given out. This is starting to get out of hand. You know whose name I haven't heard tonight is Kevin Curtis. Yeah, that's just what they needed. You know, knocking a guy's helmet off is much more impressive when you actually stop him afterwards. I think Al Michaels is jealous of Carrie Underwood. "(Romo) loves to have fun." Um, who doesn't? This was just a better team coming in and whipping ass. Nothing more. T.O.: "There's a lot of love in those boos." No, there weren't. What's it like to go through life so self-deluded? (Cowboys 38, Eagles 17)
Apparently every Steeler ever is not only here tonight, but is somehow on the active roster. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Are these the Ravens this is happening to? I mean, the zero's not a shock, but 35? In the first half? Jaws basically calling for McNair to be benched was kind of shocking.
And here's my point. I'm looking at the rest of the Patriots' schedule. They've already gone to Miami, so there's no risk of Brady struggling down there (plus, the Fins may be down to Jim Kiick at running back by them). The Jets and Bills have absolutely nothing for them. The Ravens can't score enough points. The Eagles may be running on fumes three weeks from now. The Colts showed us the blueprint: Relentless pressure on Brady and an offense that can score enough points to stay with them. There's only one team left that can do both. (Steelers 38, Ravens 7)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL:CI (7-2, W2): Had to sweat this one out. The Revolution got a Monday night touchdown from McGahee, but we held on to win by two.
JackSux 4 (4-5, W1): Had a nail-biter here too, but it looks like I beat Rob's brother. We're still in it.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. New England (9-0) - Anything's officially possible
2. Indianapolis (7-1) - But was anyone paying attention?
3. Dallas (7-1) - Still tops in the junior league
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cincinnati (2-6) - The bad old days are back
31. St. Louis (0-8) - It's a shame they don't play the Dolphins this year...
32. Miami (0-8) - ...or is it?
----------------
Now playing: Staind - It's Been Awhile
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Grindin'
Signal Finder: PHI @ MIN, WSH @ NE
Ah, English weather. Eli runs like Peyton. I think the streak at halftime was the longest play from scrimmage for the game. Hey, a SPEED 2: Cruise Control sighting! I'm not sure what we should be apologizing to the British more for: the Dolphins, or Tony Siragusa. (Giants 13, Dolphins 10)
Are these... are these touchdowns? You know who's good is Trent Cole. The hell was that? Get away from there! Good Lord. Also, way to waste a challenge, Childress. You didn't learn that from Reid, that's for sure. Did he just hurdle that pile? I was about to say that we hadn't really seen anything that made you go "OMG Adrian Peterson" and then that happens. If you missed Candice's fall on Raw last week, just watch what happens to Holcomb here and you'll know how it ended. That may have been the shortest flea-flicker ever. Nice concentration by Curtis. Oh, we're back to the field goals, I see. Bollinger might actually be better than Holcomb at this point, to be quite honest. Um, wasn't Curtis knocked out of bounds there? The Eagles really bottled Peterson up for the most part. Good for them. (Eagles 23, Vikings 16)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. J.P. Losman (I debated dropping him, but the fact is, he lost his starting job to a guy who won zero games in college last year and only got it back because he got hurt); 2. Champ Bailey/Dre Bly (tie); 4. Steven Jackson; 5. Adrian Peterson, kickoff returner
Aaaaaaand the Super Bowl Losers' hangover strikes again. (Lions 16, Bears 7)
From Week 4: "I'm having trouble remembering the third guy who was at Michigan and wore No. 1 when Breaston and Avant were both there. It wasn't David Terrell, I don't think." This was Braylon Edwards. Shame on you people. (Browns 27, Rams 20)
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Bills 13, Jets 3
Troy never had more than 21 touchdown passes in a season? Really? Hmmm. (Yeah, according to this, he's wrong. I'm not sure how I feel about that.) Oh, look, another Mike Vrabel touchdown. Troy: "I'm not sure how that happens." Me neither, man. It's only been happening for, what, SEVEN YEARS? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The fake spike LIVES! As far as running up the score goes, look at it another way: Would you rather they started taking knees with 10 minutes left? (Patriots 52, Redskins 7)
At least the weather's seasonal. The Broncos failed at containment on that one. Holy crap, that referee got creamed. I feel like Shanahan's doing an in-game impression of Belichick with the "Where's John Lynch?" subplot. Ryan Grant's getting a lot of run tonight. So is Kampman, who just spent the better part of an hour chasing Marshall down. Why is Cutler running here? Remember, they did this against the Bills, too. Whoa! That was quick! (Packers 19, Broncos 13)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL:CI (6-2, L1): WHEN TOP TEAMS COLLIDE... Brian beats me, that's what happens. In fact, here's another perspective on what's going on in Foxborough this year: I was effectively beaten by Brady and the Patriots' defense, who outscored my entire team 62-55 by themselves.
JackSux4 (3-5, L1): Starting Ben over Carson was a good move against the horror show that is the Bengals' pass defense, but we didn't have enough to beat the Iguana Brothers.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. (tie) New England (8-0), Indianapolis (7-0) - Of course, that'll change next week
3. Dallas (6-1) - I was starting to wonder if they'd forgotten that Romo's contract was expiring
BOTTOM 3:
30. N.Y. Jets (1-7) - So where's Pennington's next stop?
31. St. Louis (0-8) - When's the last time we had two winless teams this late?
32. Miami (0-8) - Could have sparked an international incident in some other countries
NP: Hot Hot Heat - "Middle Of Nowhere"
Ah, English weather. Eli runs like Peyton. I think the streak at halftime was the longest play from scrimmage for the game. Hey, a SPEED 2: Cruise Control sighting! I'm not sure what we should be apologizing to the British more for: the Dolphins, or Tony Siragusa. (Giants 13, Dolphins 10)
Are these... are these touchdowns? You know who's good is Trent Cole. The hell was that? Get away from there! Good Lord. Also, way to waste a challenge, Childress. You didn't learn that from Reid, that's for sure. Did he just hurdle that pile? I was about to say that we hadn't really seen anything that made you go "OMG Adrian Peterson" and then that happens. If you missed Candice's fall on Raw last week, just watch what happens to Holcomb here and you'll know how it ended. That may have been the shortest flea-flicker ever. Nice concentration by Curtis. Oh, we're back to the field goals, I see. Bollinger might actually be better than Holcomb at this point, to be quite honest. Um, wasn't Curtis knocked out of bounds there? The Eagles really bottled Peterson up for the most part. Good for them. (Eagles 23, Vikings 16)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. J.P. Losman (I debated dropping him, but the fact is, he lost his starting job to a guy who won zero games in college last year and only got it back because he got hurt); 2. Champ Bailey/Dre Bly (tie); 4. Steven Jackson; 5. Adrian Peterson, kickoff returner
Aaaaaaand the Super Bowl Losers' hangover strikes again. (Lions 16, Bears 7)
From Week 4: "I'm having trouble remembering the third guy who was at Michigan and wore No. 1 when Breaston and Avant were both there. It wasn't David Terrell, I don't think." This was Braylon Edwards. Shame on you people. (Browns 27, Rams 20)
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Bills 13, Jets 3
Troy never had more than 21 touchdown passes in a season? Really? Hmmm. (Yeah, according to this, he's wrong. I'm not sure how I feel about that.) Oh, look, another Mike Vrabel touchdown. Troy: "I'm not sure how that happens." Me neither, man. It's only been happening for, what, SEVEN YEARS? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. The fake spike LIVES! As far as running up the score goes, look at it another way: Would you rather they started taking knees with 10 minutes left? (Patriots 52, Redskins 7)
At least the weather's seasonal. The Broncos failed at containment on that one. Holy crap, that referee got creamed. I feel like Shanahan's doing an in-game impression of Belichick with the "Where's John Lynch?" subplot. Ryan Grant's getting a lot of run tonight. So is Kampman, who just spent the better part of an hour chasing Marshall down. Why is Cutler running here? Remember, they did this against the Bills, too. Whoa! That was quick! (Packers 19, Broncos 13)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL:CI (6-2, L1): WHEN TOP TEAMS COLLIDE... Brian beats me, that's what happens. In fact, here's another perspective on what's going on in Foxborough this year: I was effectively beaten by Brady and the Patriots' defense, who outscored my entire team 62-55 by themselves.
JackSux4 (3-5, L1): Starting Ben over Carson was a good move against the horror show that is the Bengals' pass defense, but we didn't have enough to beat the Iguana Brothers.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. (tie) New England (8-0), Indianapolis (7-0) - Of course, that'll change next week
3. Dallas (6-1) - I was starting to wonder if they'd forgotten that Romo's contract was expiring
BOTTOM 3:
30. N.Y. Jets (1-7) - So where's Pennington's next stop?
31. St. Louis (0-8) - When's the last time we had two winless teams this late?
32. Miami (0-8) - Could have sparked an international incident in some other countries
NP: Hot Hot Heat - "Middle Of Nowhere"
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Time And A Half
Signal Finder, Week 6: PHI @ NYJ, TEN @ TB (?), NE @ DAL
The Jets have never beaten the Eagles? Really? Also Reid is 8-0 after a bye week so this should be set in stone. The hell are those things? That's some poor tackling right there, friends. Hey, a Thomas Jones sighting. I'm watching the Jets and they remind me of last year's Redskins with their complete and utter inability to finish a game. (Eagles 16, Jets 9)
41 points? To Cleveland? Really? (Browns 41, Dolphins 31)
Seriously, this plays right into the Patriots' strength. See? Uh-oh, there's a turnover or something. Why am I not at all concerned about the outcome here? Oh, that's right, because the Patriots are UNSTOPPABLE CYBORGS. (Patriots 48, Cowboys 27)
Signal Finder, Week 7: SF @ NYG, BAL @ BUF, TEN @ HOU (close to the end), ARZ @ WSH (end), back to SF @ NYG (end), CHI @ PHI
Look, people, I know Brady's had his problems here. And I know the '72 Dolphins are starting to get to the beginning stages of getting a little nervous. But it's not happening today. Trust me. Why isn't Beck starting, by the way? What's the point? One thing that seems to have been overlooked is that the Dolphins' defense seemed to get really old really fast. And that's not just from seeing what the Patriots did. Taylor: "We can't win in America. Maybe we can win overseas." (Patriots 49, Dolphins 28)
WTF Ken Whisenhunt. You're supposed to call a play that has a chance in hell of working. (Redskins 21, Cardinals 19)
CBS not being able to show the end of the Titans game live led to the NFL Today crew having to call it in between breaks of analyzing what had just happened and showing instantaneous replays. It got hilarious at times. Some nice throws by Collins on that last drive. What an ugly kick. Of course, when you've done it nine times before already (counting the extra points) your leg's gotta get tired, right? (Titans 38, Texans 36)
Did That Actually Happen?: Some red zone touchdowns would be nice. Hell, some excitement would be nice. This is the only acceptable use of the squib kick, by the way. No exceptions. And it really is working and is all the Eagles have done since the one Akers kicked out of bounds. It's not like the Eagles can't move the ball, which is the frustrating part. Finally! It should be noted that Donovan missed Schobel against similar coverage in the first half. That's a good kick. Um, guys? Guys? GUYS! It's Brian, not Bob! Are you kidding me? Brian Griese did that? I don't know if it would have been better or worse had Rex done it. I think it's time for this team to break character and start panicking. (Bears 19, Eagles 16)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Cowboys 24, Vikings 14. That's a good thing, by the way.
While I do agree with Kornheiser that there's a sense of "Hey, don't forget about us" with the Colts, they'll never admit it publicly and I wish he'd stop harping on it. I wonder how many fantasy owners that Kenton Keith touchdown pissed off. Same thing with Peyton's sneak. There goes Garrard. And there goes MJD. Wow, in all of the talk about the league's worst receiving corps, the Jaguars have been forgotten about. Seriously, they're not even trying now. (Colts 29, Jaguars 7)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL:CI (6-1, W2): Despite leaving Kenny Watson's 29 points on the bench and trading Boldin to Jet not figuring that both he and Warner would actually play, I got a good win over OJ's White Broncos.
JackSux 4 (3-4, W1): Nobody's out of it! Certainly not us after putting a hurting on Johnny's Spartans led by Watson, Coles, and the Giants' defense. Rob's in first place and I've actually scored more points than he has. :)
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. New England (7-0) - Have I said "I'm officially terrified" yet?
2. Indianapolis (6-0) - But just to be sure... y'all didn't forget, right?
3. (tie) Dallas (6-1) - NFC's "best", which, let's be honest...
(tie) Colorado Rockies (7-0 post.) - Also cannot be stopped
BOTTOM 3:
30. Atlanta (1-6) - Can't even stop punchless Saints
31. St. Louis (0-7) - Stay down, Marc! Stay down!
32. Miami (0-7) - Well, they still have the Bills twice...
The Jets have never beaten the Eagles? Really? Also Reid is 8-0 after a bye week so this should be set in stone. The hell are those things? That's some poor tackling right there, friends. Hey, a Thomas Jones sighting. I'm watching the Jets and they remind me of last year's Redskins with their complete and utter inability to finish a game. (Eagles 16, Jets 9)
41 points? To Cleveland? Really? (Browns 41, Dolphins 31)
Seriously, this plays right into the Patriots' strength. See? Uh-oh, there's a turnover or something. Why am I not at all concerned about the outcome here? Oh, that's right, because the Patriots are UNSTOPPABLE CYBORGS. (Patriots 48, Cowboys 27)
Signal Finder, Week 7: SF @ NYG, BAL @ BUF, TEN @ HOU (close to the end), ARZ @ WSH (end), back to SF @ NYG (end), CHI @ PHI
Look, people, I know Brady's had his problems here. And I know the '72 Dolphins are starting to get to the beginning stages of getting a little nervous. But it's not happening today. Trust me. Why isn't Beck starting, by the way? What's the point? One thing that seems to have been overlooked is that the Dolphins' defense seemed to get really old really fast. And that's not just from seeing what the Patriots did. Taylor: "We can't win in America. Maybe we can win overseas." (Patriots 49, Dolphins 28)
WTF Ken Whisenhunt. You're supposed to call a play that has a chance in hell of working. (Redskins 21, Cardinals 19)
CBS not being able to show the end of the Titans game live led to the NFL Today crew having to call it in between breaks of analyzing what had just happened and showing instantaneous replays. It got hilarious at times. Some nice throws by Collins on that last drive. What an ugly kick. Of course, when you've done it nine times before already (counting the extra points) your leg's gotta get tired, right? (Titans 38, Texans 36)
Did That Actually Happen?: Some red zone touchdowns would be nice. Hell, some excitement would be nice. This is the only acceptable use of the squib kick, by the way. No exceptions. And it really is working and is all the Eagles have done since the one Akers kicked out of bounds. It's not like the Eagles can't move the ball, which is the frustrating part. Finally! It should be noted that Donovan missed Schobel against similar coverage in the first half. That's a good kick. Um, guys? Guys? GUYS! It's Brian, not Bob! Are you kidding me? Brian Griese did that? I don't know if it would have been better or worse had Rex done it. I think it's time for this team to break character and start panicking. (Bears 19, Eagles 16)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Cowboys 24, Vikings 14. That's a good thing, by the way.
While I do agree with Kornheiser that there's a sense of "Hey, don't forget about us" with the Colts, they'll never admit it publicly and I wish he'd stop harping on it. I wonder how many fantasy owners that Kenton Keith touchdown pissed off. Same thing with Peyton's sneak. There goes Garrard. And there goes MJD. Wow, in all of the talk about the league's worst receiving corps, the Jaguars have been forgotten about. Seriously, they're not even trying now. (Colts 29, Jaguars 7)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL:CI (6-1, W2): Despite leaving Kenny Watson's 29 points on the bench and trading Boldin to Jet not figuring that both he and Warner would actually play, I got a good win over OJ's White Broncos.
JackSux 4 (3-4, W1): Nobody's out of it! Certainly not us after putting a hurting on Johnny's Spartans led by Watson, Coles, and the Giants' defense. Rob's in first place and I've actually scored more points than he has. :)
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. New England (7-0) - Have I said "I'm officially terrified" yet?
2. Indianapolis (6-0) - But just to be sure... y'all didn't forget, right?
3. (tie) Dallas (6-1) - NFC's "best", which, let's be honest...
(tie) Colorado Rockies (7-0 post.) - Also cannot be stopped
BOTTOM 3:
30. Atlanta (1-6) - Can't even stop punchless Saints
31. St. Louis (0-7) - Stay down, Marc! Stay down!
32. Miami (0-7) - Well, they still have the Bills twice...
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Good Night, Mom-Mom
My grandmother - my mom's mother and my last surviving grandparent - died Friday morning.
I'll be pretty scarce most of this coming week.
Thanks for understanding.
I'll be pretty scarce most of this coming week.
Thanks for understanding.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Fortune Faded
View Finder: NYJ @ NYG, DET @ WSH, CAR @ NO (end), ATL @ TEN (end), SD @ DEN
I can never tell who the crowd favors when this game happens. Speaking of that, here's a Recent Development, I think: it's not "Giants Stadium" anymore when the Jets are the home team. It's now "The Meadowlands." Jacobs is back? OK. That's a bad read by Eli. Right into coverage? Sheesh. That's a little better. Just give it to Jacobs or something. Like that. OOPS. "Cankles"? Who says "cankles" in a football game? That's not gonna help the ankle, Plax. And there's a bad read by Pennington. (Giants 35, Jets 24)
The Lions in Washington? Yeah, whatever. (Redskins 34, Lions 3)
Seriously, Trent, a blow to the head is why you ended up in this hellhole in the first place. WTF why would you do that? That's Ryan Leaf stupid right there. And did anyone catch the interview with the guy he hit afterwards? Just an insane scene. When did Kris Brown stop sucking, by the way? (Texans 22, Dolphins 19)
Steelers-Seahawks: Just as bad the second time around. (Steelers 21, Seahawks 0)
You know, none of us could actually be plugged into the Colts' offense and rush for 121 and two touchdowns, but it's cool to think it's possible. Yahoo doesn't even have a headshot of the guy. There's just a Colts logo there. Man, that's cold. (Colts 33, Buccaneers 14)
Has Simms called Cutler "Plummer" about three times already? Nice to see Norv learning from his mistakes, if only for the moment. Rivers' running form? Not so good. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Clearly they didn't hear me the first time. Now Michael Turner's lighting it up. Hey, we've found something Norv can do better than Marty: win in Denver. (Chargers 41, Broncos 3)
I'm not sure if the Packers will regret those fumbles or not. At worst, it keeps this from being a blowout. What exactly was that, Brett? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Griese's actually doing a pretty good job of that. Let's put the shovels away for another week, at least. (Bears 27, Packers 20)
Possible trap game? Maybe. Ah, the O.J.-era uniforms. Maybe not the best choice. It doesn't look like it's gonna be Romo's night. The Cowboys are basically walking up to the line and telling Edwards, "You're going to have to beat us." Of course, Romo's giving him plenty of help. Can anybody on either side hold on to a pass tonight? Four picks? This is precedent for a quarterback switch, right? And there's a kickoff return for a touchdown. Man, this place is loud. Do the Bills have enough to hold on here? Never mind. Two-point conversion DENIED!! Maybe I was wrong. Not the onside kick. Come on, hold one time. They're reviewing it... and he did not catch that. That actually helps Dallas, though, in a sick turn of events. 52 yards? For a rookie? On the road? Wow. And Jauron PULLS THE SHANAHAN FREEZEOUT! (That's what I'm calling it from now on.) Let's see what Folk has in him this time. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Jaws is right - that rule's so getting changed. Man, the Bills run so bad. Neither team deserved what happened to them tonight. And we would've had to reopen voting for "Upset of the Decade" if this had held. (Cowboys 25, Bills 24)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa:CI (4-1, L1): Well, our luck couldn't last forever. Leinart got hurt and we lost to previously winless Max by 5 despite two of his guys not even playing.
JackSux 4 (2-3, L1): Got beat by Dupin even with Romo's turnover-fest potentially working in my favor. The Crayton touchdown was the nail in the coffin.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. New England (5-0) - Crushed the Browns' dreams early
2. Indianapolis (5-0) - Time to heal
3. Dallas (5-0) - Better to be lucky than good?
BOTTOM 3:
30. New Orleans (0-4) - Looks like the bad old days all over again
31. St. Louis (0-5) - See last week
32. Miami (0-5) - Time for the John Beck era
I can never tell who the crowd favors when this game happens. Speaking of that, here's a Recent Development, I think: it's not "Giants Stadium" anymore when the Jets are the home team. It's now "The Meadowlands." Jacobs is back? OK. That's a bad read by Eli. Right into coverage? Sheesh. That's a little better. Just give it to Jacobs or something. Like that. OOPS. "Cankles"? Who says "cankles" in a football game? That's not gonna help the ankle, Plax. And there's a bad read by Pennington. (Giants 35, Jets 24)
The Lions in Washington? Yeah, whatever. (Redskins 34, Lions 3)
Seriously, Trent, a blow to the head is why you ended up in this hellhole in the first place. WTF why would you do that? That's Ryan Leaf stupid right there. And did anyone catch the interview with the guy he hit afterwards? Just an insane scene. When did Kris Brown stop sucking, by the way? (Texans 22, Dolphins 19)
Steelers-Seahawks: Just as bad the second time around. (Steelers 21, Seahawks 0)
You know, none of us could actually be plugged into the Colts' offense and rush for 121 and two touchdowns, but it's cool to think it's possible. Yahoo doesn't even have a headshot of the guy. There's just a Colts logo there. Man, that's cold. (Colts 33, Buccaneers 14)
Has Simms called Cutler "Plummer" about three times already? Nice to see Norv learning from his mistakes, if only for the moment. Rivers' running form? Not so good. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Clearly they didn't hear me the first time. Now Michael Turner's lighting it up. Hey, we've found something Norv can do better than Marty: win in Denver. (Chargers 41, Broncos 3)
I'm not sure if the Packers will regret those fumbles or not. At worst, it keeps this from being a blowout. What exactly was that, Brett? PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Griese's actually doing a pretty good job of that. Let's put the shovels away for another week, at least. (Bears 27, Packers 20)
Possible trap game? Maybe. Ah, the O.J.-era uniforms. Maybe not the best choice. It doesn't look like it's gonna be Romo's night. The Cowboys are basically walking up to the line and telling Edwards, "You're going to have to beat us." Of course, Romo's giving him plenty of help. Can anybody on either side hold on to a pass tonight? Four picks? This is precedent for a quarterback switch, right? And there's a kickoff return for a touchdown. Man, this place is loud. Do the Bills have enough to hold on here? Never mind. Two-point conversion DENIED!! Maybe I was wrong. Not the onside kick. Come on, hold one time. They're reviewing it... and he did not catch that. That actually helps Dallas, though, in a sick turn of events. 52 yards? For a rookie? On the road? Wow. And Jauron PULLS THE SHANAHAN FREEZEOUT! (That's what I'm calling it from now on.) Let's see what Folk has in him this time. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Jaws is right - that rule's so getting changed. Man, the Bills run so bad. Neither team deserved what happened to them tonight. And we would've had to reopen voting for "Upset of the Decade" if this had held. (Cowboys 25, Bills 24)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa:CI (4-1, L1): Well, our luck couldn't last forever. Leinart got hurt and we lost to previously winless Max by 5 despite two of his guys not even playing.
JackSux 4 (2-3, L1): Got beat by Dupin even with Romo's turnover-fest potentially working in my favor. The Crayton touchdown was the nail in the coffin.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. New England (5-0) - Crushed the Browns' dreams early
2. Indianapolis (5-0) - Time to heal
3. Dallas (5-0) - Better to be lucky than good?
BOTTOM 3:
30. New Orleans (0-4) - Looks like the bad old days all over again
31. St. Louis (0-5) - See last week
32. Miami (0-5) - Time for the John Beck era
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth (And The Rosin In Our Bag), Week 4: Queens Is Burning
Seriously, you can stick 1964 up your ass. Also, it doesn't get much better than hearing Harry Kalas lead the crowd in a rendition of "High Hopes." (Phillies 6, Nationals 1; Marlins 8, Mets 1)Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI, STL @ DAL, NYJ @ BUF, OAK @ MIA, GB @ MIN (end) , PIT @ ARZ
And frankly, it's not like I was missing a whole hell of a lot otherwise. Rams-Cowboys? I saw the Crayton touchdown and that was it. I imagine the rest of the game went approximately the same way. (Cowboys 35, Rams 7)
Edwards really has better numbers in three games than Losman's had all year? That's not good news for anyone. This game took about two hours, and I think 30 seconds disappeared from the clock at the end. (Bills 17, Jets 14)
Deanna's seats are surprisingly good. (In the stadium. Where she was sitting. Pervs.) Ouch. You own him in this building for years and he comes in and breaks the record? That's gotta hurt. The Jones touchdown looked an awful lot like the Crayton touchdown. Did Favre not see where the ball went on the fumble with two minutes left? 'Cause I thought he had a shot at it if he realized where it was. Of course, it's only Kelly Holcomb. (Packers 23, Vikings 16)
Did This Actually Happen?: Browns 27, Ravens 13
Calvin Pace is still on the Cardinals? Are you kidding me? One thing about the Cardinals in Arizona is that they've always been good hosts. This crowd is seriously half Steelers fans. There was a Whisenhunt-Roethlisberger rift too? This team won a Super Bowl? This alternating quarterbacks thing? Not a fan. Whoa! Are the Cardinals actually going to win this game? I'm having trouble remembering the third guy who was at Michigan and wore No. 1 when Breaston and Avant were both there. It wasn't David Terrell, I don't think. This one could come back to bite the Steelers. (Cardinals 21, Steelers 14)
This Week it Sucks To Be: 1. Norv Turner; 2. Winston Justice; 3. Brian Griese; 4. Isaac Bruce (Two things can happen when you make guarantees: You either win, or you get straight up rolled); 5. J.P. Losman (You don't think he hears footsteps?)
MAR-TY! MAR-TY! MAR-TY! MAR-TY! If this doesn't prove coaching matters, nothing will. How about giving LDT the ball? Huh? How about it? Cross your mind at any point? On the flip side, Bowe's already the best wideout the Chiefs have had in about 15 years. (Chiefs 30, Chargers 16)
Without fail, whenever the Broncos play the Colts, they get shredded. To their credit, it just took longer for the Colts to get around to it this time. (Colts 38, Broncos 20)
I'm not optimistic. This is a game the Eagles always lose. And now Westbrook's not playing? Great. I'm looking at Umenyiora lining up all over the place and listening to Madden talk about how Kiwanuka's struggled to convert to linebacker and I can only conclude that the Giants should be running a 3-4 defense with Kiwanuka and Tuck as edge-rushing OLBs. The other problem the Eagles are having with helping Justice is that they don't really have a blocking tight end on their roster - Schobel and Celek are more pass-catchers, and Celek's struggling with false starts as much as Justice is. Still, the kid's getting run through so often he should be collecting tolls. I've never been a huge Buckhalter fan, but he's been good tonight. I didn't realize Akers has been so bad here, either. Then he makes a 53-yarder. Touchdown! Oh, whatever. See? Typical pre-bye-week game for the Birds. Everything goes wrong, and usually spectacularly. Good thing the Phillies are in the playoffs. Seriously. It's Bizarro World out here right now. (Giants 16, Eagles 3)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL Criminal Intent (4-0, W4): A week of close calls all around. I beat Tank's Armory by 4.3 points, which probably doesn't happen if Marvin Harrison doesn't go down and Bob has more than one running back for this week.
JackSux IV (2-2, W1): And I had to rally Monday night to beat Butch, and I still would have lost had he known Boldin was out and swapped in Muhsin Muhammad. (I can overlook the Westbrook thing because that was announced about 45 minutes before game time.) But he has his reasons. Also I'm not sure how I was able to come back with the Bengals only scoring 13 points, but I won't not take it.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. New England (4-0) - Pats' offense looks like the Colts'
2. Indianapolis (4-0) - Champs chugging along
3. Dallas (4-0) - More complete team than the Packers at this point
BOTTOM 3:
30. New Orleans (0-3) - How does this offense only have 38 points?
31. St. Louis (0-4) - No Pace, no Jackson, and they can't stop anyone
32. Miami (0-4) - See, if you hadn't rushed Culpepper back in the first place...
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