Saturday, October 5, 2024

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Cutting Three Ways

Josh Allen's hand is all kinds of wrapped up. Al describes Tyreek's Sunday as "a weekend he'll never forget." Really? Interception! Pass went off the receiver's shoulder pads and right to a Bills defender. Herbstreit points out that the receiver's really new here. Bills go for it on fourth down and James Cook is wide open for an easy touchdown. Touchdown Achane. Bills get another pick as the receiver stops and Benford doesn't. That was a weird way to announce the important folks on this field goal. 10-7 Bills. Wait. 24-7? Cook just scored again but did I miss a touchdown? The Bills have won four of their last five against the Dolphins and it looks like this is headed for five out of six. This is... not the greatest clock management. At least they made the field goal at the end of all that. 24-10 Bills at halftime. Oh, Jesus. Pick-six and that's one's Tua's fault alone. 31-10 Bills.

Well shit. Is Skylar Thompson still the backup? And what was Tua thinking there, running directly into Hamlin like that? Man, the discourse postgame is more heavily slanted towards "he shouldn't play again" than it's ever been. I think he should sit for the rest of the season at minimum. And given how the Dolphins' offense falls off a cliff when he's out, well... this may turn out to be a franchise-altering night. (Bills 31, Dolphins 10)

Signal Finder: NO @ DAL, NYJ @ TEN, NYG @ WSH (end), LV @ BAL (end), CIN @ KC

Saints march down the field on the opening drive. Touchdown Kamara. That's concerning.


Dak missing deep late. That one that was intended for Lamb (and that the refs only called offensive holding on) was uncatchable. The ball wasn't even on screen during the replay. Aubrey hits from 52. The Saints immediately come back with a bomb to Shaheed for a 70-yard touchdown! 14-3.
Saints have to kick off from their 20 after a penalty on the PAT, which means they have to kick it to Turpin. Good return to near the 40. Good drive for the Cowboys ends with a sack on third and 10. Another kick makes it 14-6. Screen to Kamara and he's got blockers. He's gonna go! Touchdown Saints! This is not last year's Saints offense and the Cowboys are in the spin cycle. Two Saints get crossed up, Lamb slips through them and he's gone. All this motion is wrecking the Cowboys. Kamara down the sideline! Kamara gets to the edge and there's another touchdown. He's not as fast as he used to be, but he can still move it. Now Dak gets picked off! The receiver fell down and we've got a return here, too. Saints start at the Cowboys' 20. Olave with a leaping catch at the 1! Carr sneaks it in. It's 35-13. It seems like the Cowboys have a truly embarrassing home loss every other season. Kamara breaks a tackle, bounces it outside, and scores! That's his fourth touchdown! And now Zack Martin's being helped off the field. Carr gets picked off by Donovan Wilson and is there a chance here? Zack Martin back in. And the Cowboys give it right back! Honey Badger jumped right in front of that pass. Well, that's that.

(Saints 44, Cowboys 19)

Will Levis isn't good.



So here's what happened: Harlan's calling 49ers-Vikings and threw to the studio for a Game Break, and you can hear Nate Burleson saying "I can't hear you." So Harlan just called the highlight of Levis's touchdown to Calvin Ridley to tie the game, then went right back to his own game. Legend. Braelon Allen (who?) goes in untouched from 22 yards and the Jets lead with 4:43 left. The Jets... can't tackle Levis? Sack! Fourth and goal from the 16. Incomplete. Tyler Boyd's a Titan? I missed that. Kind of like he missed that catch. I'm sorry, that was mean. (Jets 24, Titans 17)

Daniel Jones threw a touchdown pass? To a fellow Giant? Stop the presses. We come to Giants-Commanders tied at 18 right after the two-minute warning. Malik Nabers is mad about something. Giants can't contain Robinson. Austin Siebert on for his seventh(!!!) field goal try today. It's GOOD! The Commanders scored 21 points and won with no touchdowns. This is an indictment, but I'm not sure of who. (Commanders 21, Giants 18)

The Raiders came back after a bad start and we're somehow tied with 2:39 left when CBS arrives. That's a terrible punt. And then a Ravens player went out of bounds on the kick, so it's five yards shorter. That may be the game. Ravens call their last time out with 1:57 left. Raiders go ahead with 27 seconds left. Likely can't bring it in on the far sideline. One second left. Lamar starts pitchy pitchy woo woo with a 35-yard run by himself, but there's an illegal forward pass in there somewhere. Catalon: "The game is over, and so are a lot of survivor pools in this country." (Raiders 26, Ravens 23)

Burrow finds Gesicki, who finds room after coming across the field and gets inside the 10. Chiefs hold and the Bengals settle for three. Chiefs making it look easy. Pacheco! Mahomes slips on fourth and 1 but still gets the ball to fullback Carson Steele, who gets the first down. This time the Bengals hold and the Chiefs can only tie it. Mahomes gets picked off to end the first quarter.


Touchdown Iosivas! Did he get that right foot down? He did. Mahomes dives for a first down. Rice beats Taylor-Britt down the sideline for an easy score. Refs miss defensive pass interference, then Steele fumbles on the next play and the Bengals recover. Chiefs accept this offensive holding penalty to make it 3rd and 14. Romo says it's risky. The Bengals get nine yards back and McPherson hits from 48. Butker from 68?? Yeah, I doubt they'll actually do this. Tracy says he hit from 66 in practice. Yeah, here comes the punt team. Kelce gets to the 1. Touchdown... Wanya Morris? From Boys II Men? Chiefs lead. Now the Bengals are driving. This feels like an important goal line stand. Bengals go for it from the 3, as they probably should against the Chiefs. Touchdown Iosivas AGAIN. PAT goes wide right, and that WILL matter later. Taylor-Britt wins round 2 with a leaping interception. Burrow fumbles? Touchdown Chiefs? Let's see. The camera from the far end zone seems to show that the balls out. Touchdown! Two-point try fails and it's 23-22 Chiefs. Chase is angry about something on the sideline. Nantz wonders if he thought his face mask was grabbed or if he thought he was getting hip drop tackled. And HE just got hit with a penalty. Two minutes left. Kelce gets the first down, but it's erased by a holding call. Fourth and 16. Incomplete... but there's a flag, and that's DPI.

Yeah. It's not even Hanlon's Razor because the call was correct. It's just that this keeps happening.

Butker from 51. It's GOOD! (Chiefs 26, Bengals 25)

This is the first Sunday Night Football game in Houston in five years. Roof is OPEN. The hook for this matchup is Williams vs. Stroud, and their moms do the intro. Santos DOINKS one off the crossbar camera but it still goes through to tie it 3-3. After the commercial Tirico says that the camera is mounted on the back of the crossbar so that if the ball does hit it, you know the kick is good. Texans go for it on fourth and 1, roll Stroud out, and he finds the tight end for a first down. Touchdown Collins. Bears blow a challenge on an obvious Diggs catch. Stroud with a ridiculous throw on the run to Collins. Diggs is ruled short of the first down, and I'm disappointed they're kicking the field goal here. It's 6 inches! Then the Bears go for it on about the same distance from their own 40. Are we sure Herbert got that? Tirico recalls the nutty last week of the 2022 season that started the ball rolling on all of this. Marcedes Lewis is STILL playing? Graphic shows he was taken five picks before DeMeco Ryans, WHO NOW COACHES THE TEXANS. Touchdown Herbert, the Bears' offense's first of the season. This Collins catch on the sideline... hmmm. Booth looks at it, and the call STANDS. Then the Texans false start and they may be out of field goal range. Fairbairn from 59. It's GOOD! I forgot he has a 61-spot on his belt. Chain gang guy is down? He backed up because a play was coming in and fell backwards and hit his head, Melissa says. Caleb throws a bad pick, but the Texans got caught holding. We got a situation on the Bears sideline after Caleb gets hit on it. He was more inbounds on this one that he was on an earlier one. Oh, the refs missed Al-Shaair throwing a punch. He absolutely should have been tossed.



Then Will Anderson sacks Caleb to end this drive. This is a McCarthy-esque challenge by Eberflus on this would-be interception. That ball hit the ground. Now Caleb throws a pick that'll stand. Fairbairn from 53 makes it 19-10. Lassiter gets Caleb AGAIN, and that might be it even with 12:55 left. He may have been trying to throw it away and just didn't throw it high enough. FUMBLE? Bears are adamant they have it. Bears recover at their own 3! That Caleb scramble is the longest play of the night. Late intentional grounding flag comes out. Kmet picks up the first down. Caleb misses D.J. Moore and the Bears have to try a 54-yarder. It's good.

Bears will get one more chance after all. Caleb under pressure AGAIN. Yeah, this isn't happening. (Texans 19, Bears 13)

A quarterback draw on third and 9? OK then. Bijan is spinny. Grant Calcaterra getting some run early. The Falcons can't tackle Saquon. Hurts had Goedert for a moment. They're going for it on 4th and 4? This is a bad decision. Incomplete. I thought Mitchell had that interception. Allgaier making moves. Bijan just drops the ball but he gets back on it. Cousins pulls his pass back for some reason and gets one yard on third down. Field goal is good. Everyone remains 0 for third down. Hurts takes it himself and converts fourth and 3. Really? We're calling delay of game for that? The Eagles haven't done a great job protecting Hurts, but he escapes again and gets 15 on third and 11. Touchdown Smith!


Refs pick up a holding call on the Falcons. Graham sacks Cousins, but the refs call illegal contact on Dean. No one has covered McCloud in two weeks. He gets flagged for grabbing CJ's face mask after CJ ripped his mouthpiece out.

Falcons running over the Eagles now. But they get a stop on first down, and two Cousins incompletions follow. Field goal is good.

Boathouse Row in green tonight. 7-6 Eagles at halftime. Falcons come out running again to start the third quarter. Milton Williams with a sack on third and goal. Field goal puts the Falcons up 9-7. Jason Kelce joins Buck and Aikman in the booth. Buck announcer jinxes Hurts into a sack. He recovers with a nice throw to Smith. Smith with another juggling catch. Eagles quickly shift this field goal try into a fake, but Jason correctly calls that they're just trying to trick the Falcons into a penalty here. It doesn't work, and Elliott kicks a 29-yarder. Footage of Jason and Lane Johnson at WrestleMania. Falcons going for it on 4th and 4 and Cousins finds McCloud. Darnell Mooney wrecks CJGJ for a touchdown, first putting a move on him, then breaking a bad tackle attempt. Falcons go for two but the pass is broken up. Hurts finds Covey on the run. Shove time! Got it. Kelce: "I don't miss that play. Not one bit." This game is flying by. Hurts takes off again. Barkley's knee is down on this catch, and he's short, but they do get the first down. Barkley fantasy owners in shambles. Shove for six. Eagles go for two here. They give it to Barkley, and I'm not sure he made it. I think he jumped too early. Officials say he got it! Oh, there it is on the second effort. Eagles up 18-15. Pitts gets stopped short of the marker. Falcons go for it and Bijan gets stuffed! Screen to Barkley gets a first down. Barkley is ruled short of the first down after the two minute warning, which Aikman says actually helps the Eagles, because the Falcons will have to burn a time out here. A Falcons player just jumps offside. Absolutely intentional. The Eagles smartly decline it. Shove is successful again. Saquon drops a third down pass, and Elliott makes a 28-yarder after Braden Mann controls a bad snap. Zero pressure on Cousins and the Falcons are in the red zone in four plays.

Touchdown Drake London. An unsportsmanlike conduct flag for celebration makes this PAT 48 yards but Koo's not gonna miss it after that. Hurts throws deep under pressure and Bates picks it off. Cousins has won four of his last five Monday night starts? Huh. Both teams got what they deserved. (Falcons 22, Eagles 21)
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