Tuesday, January 12, 2021

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: Crash Plan

Joe and Troy on the call. Saints start first with an 11-yard run by Kamara, who is wearing one red shoe and one green shoe. Saints hand it to Emmanuel Sanders and he gets 12. Kamara bursts through a hole and that's a touchdown. Buck: "Gotta be the shoes." Thielen with a catch on the Vikings' first play. Jefferson gets another first down, then Cook. Not a lot of defense to start. Cook runs through tackles for a touchdown. Ty Montgomery's still in the league? The Vikings are down several linebackers, while the Saints don't have Michael Thomas or Tra'Quan Smith. The Saints have a fullback? Aikman wishes Burton a Merry Christmas after he gets seven yards. Brees to Cook to the Vikings' 20. Latavius Murray with a catch to create first and goal. Flags everywhere on this pass as multiple Saints hit the ground. Touchdown Kamara. 14-7 Saints and we're 10 minutes in. Saints get a stop! Wasn't sure that would happen today. Juwan Johnson?


Kamara moving piles. Murray just running through people. Someone named Carr catches a pass that probably shouldn't have been thrown, but he's out of bounds. Brees placed that almost perfectly for a bad decision. Third-down pass to Kamara is broken up in the end zone. Lutz makes it 17-7. Cousins looks to Johnson, who gets 13 after Janoris Jenkins misses a tackle. Pitch to Cook on 3rd and 1 almost doesn't work, but Cook gets the first down. Jefferson catches a slant over the middle. Touchdown Mike Boone? OK. The Vikings can't stop Kamara. Sanders finds himself wide open and takes it inside the Vikings' 25. Brees is intercepted by Harrison Hand. Line collapses and Cousins goes down. Saints call time out after a punt. Buck notes that they didn't go to commercial afterwards, which may have caused some confusion. Payton is displeased. Eric Wilson almost intercepts Brees but Callaway ends up playing defense and knocks it out of his hands.


Kamara with ANOTHER touchdown. Vikings malfunctioning as the half ends. 24-14 Saints. C.J. Gardner-Johnson ends up with the ball and takes it back for a touchdown. But this is very clearly an incomplete pass. It's overturned and the Vikings punt. Sanders can't handle the throw and Hardy Nickerson Jr. (!) picks it off the deflection. Cook chased out of bounds at the Saints' 1. Play action leads to an easy touchdown catch for Irv Smith. Bailey MISSES the extra point. Sanders CAN handle this one. Kamara scores AGAIN and that's four. Thielen! Saints suddenly can't get out of their own way. Smith makes another touchdown catch and this time Bailey converts the extra point. Vikings are unable to tackle Jared Cook and he picks up 29. Touchdown... guess. Yeah, that's five now. Saints immediately get the ball back and now we're just waiting for it. Taysom out here kill-stealing. 45-27 with four minutes left. It's probably over. Vikings get a touchdown with 2:10 left but the onside kick fails. Brees to Trautman down the sideline! GO OUT OF BOUNDS. He does. Well, he gets pushed. First and goal at the 2. AND KAMARA GETS NUMBER SIX ANYWAY.


Considering how little he was used (and how clearly misused he was), I'm not sure this is an exaggeration. That ties Ernie Nevers, who did it for the 1929 Chicago Cardinals. Good job, everyone. (Saints 52, Vikings 33)

This is Brady's 300th game and 298th start, the latter tying Favre. No Ronald Jones for the second straight week. Lions blitz and Brady goes down, but they were offsides. Evans wide open for 33 yards. Oh, his man fell down. That explains it. Touchdown Gronk! He outreaches Tracy Walker and stumbles into the end zone. (That's their 96th TD hookup.) Extra point CLANGS and is no good. The Lions are without their interim coach, Darrell Bevell, as if they don't have enough problems. Stafford getting looked at on the sideline after that drive. Brady goes deep to Godwin, who makes a diving catch at the Lions' 30. Evans beats his man and hauls in a touchdown. SO Chase Daniel is in at quarterback as we see Stafford hop to the locker room. WR coach Robert Prince is filling in for Bevell today. The Lions can't stop the Bucs. Touchdown Fournette, who doesn't even need the hole — he just follows the push of his line. 20-0 Bucs. Touchdown Godwin. Did the Lions even have the ball between those two scores? This is a massacre. JPP drops an interception. The Bucs only have one Pro Bowler? That's... odd. Bucs run two fakes and Brady finds Godwin for a touchdown that won't count because they did too much and a lineman got caught downfield. So he hits Brate, who takes it to the 11. Touchdown Antonio Brown! That was a laser into a tight window that got tighter when the ball actually arrives. The Bucs have 410 yards of offense. Three guys have more yards than THE LIONS. Brady won't play in the second half.


Blaine Gabbert just threw a touchdown pass to Gronk. PUNT RETURN TOUCHDOWN. THE LIONS ARE ON THE BOARD. Missed the Bucs' next touchdown to watch the end of Kentucky-Louisville, so it's 47-7 now. Schlereth: "This clock can't run fast enough." This would be a fireable offense if they hadn't already fired everybody. Brady on the phone, possibly ordering vegan pizzas. Who knows.


Not sure why Brown and Evans are still in for the Bucs. This is their first playoff appearance since 2007. (Buccaneers 47, Lions 7)

The wave of the future. I actually had to Google those "how to watch" articles that seem like fronts for pirated streams at first glance. Funny thing about this matchup: CBS is producing it (the broadcast team is Andrew Catalon, James Lofton, and Sheree Burruss) but locally it's being aired on Phoenix's FOX affiliate and NBC Bay Area in San Francisco. Kirk with an over-the-shoulder catch on the sideline for 38. Pass to Kirk in the back of the end zone is high and Kirk takes a hit afterwards. Field goal is good. C.J. Beathard will start for the 49ers. Kittle back?


On the next drive, he makes a move after the catch and gets into Cardinals territory. They run a direct snap to Juszczyk, who scrambled under center, and he gets third and short. Beathard finds Wilson in the middle of the field, and he takes it in for a touchdown. That has to be his longest of the year, right? Good downfield coverage forces Murray to dump it off to Drake, and he gets nothing, ending the drive. Broadcast looks fine so far. I'm watching on the Prime Video Twitch channel and there were a couple of hiccups at the start of the game, it's been fine since. Fitzgerald reaches for the first down but doesn't get it. Cards going for it from their own 35, and Drake picks it up. But that's where it ends. This game hasn't been good. Reddick sacks Beathard at the 49ers' 2. Cardinals going for it again. 49ers send Warner on a blitz, but Murray runs away from him and picks up nine. Murray throws off balance and Hopkins can't hold on in the end zone, and he's slow to get up. Looks like he landed on Jason Verrett's arm and is holding his stomach. Field goal is good. Jordan Hicks watches an interception go right through his hands. This is called a fumble and the Cardinals eventually fall on it. On replay, it looks like the ball comes out before Beathard's arm starts forward. 7-6 49ers at halftime. Prime has its own halftime show! Beathard throws a block on an Aiyuk reverse that gets a first down. Beathard to Kittle for 18. Drive stalls. Hopkins misses the Cardinals' first play but returns for the second. Murray goes down. Beathard hits Kittle for 28. Screen to Juszczyk for a touchdown. Dan Arnold with a catch and fumble. Refs signal 49ers ball after Warner comes out of the pile with it. This'll get reviewed. I think he's down by contact but I don't see enough to change this call. And now my internet's gone down. Call STANDS. 49ers proceed to lose three yards on three plays. Cardinals go for it on 4th and 5 from their own 42, and Murray keeps it and takes off for 12. It's still wild to me that the Cardinals have a wide receiver named KeeSean Johnson WHO WEARS NO. 19. Drake leaps over the pile for a touchdown! Cards go for two and Murray throws a pass too short for Hopkins to reach. After a 49ers three-and-out, the Cardinals go for it again on fourth down, this time a 4th and 2 from their own 32. This one doesn't work.


Touchdown Wilson! Actually no. They rule him down at the 1 and Juszczyk gets in on the next play. Cardinals driving here. Hopkins fumbles out of bounds. Murray runs for 30! OH NO. Intercepted in the end zone. That wasn't nearly as bad as the one last week but it could end up being far more damaging. The 49ers can run this clock out if they play it right. That doesn't include throwing an incompletion at the two-minute warning, though. Gould MISSES! Cardinals have 1:09 and no time outs. GO DOWN THE FIELD. They do but Murray and Kirk can't connect. Fourth down pass is incomplete and Murray goes down. Does the NFC have seven playoff teams? Does it even have six? (49ers 20, Cardinals 12)

Carr back starting for the Raiders. Jacobs to the Dolphins' 5. Touchdown! Dolphins' drive stalls when Grant can't make a clean catch and gets stopped three yards short. Or does it? Tua rolls right on 4th and 3 and picks it up, but there's a flag. Defensive holding. The Dolphins fail on third down again and this time sanders kicks a 37-yarder. Jacobs barely gets the first down. Carr gets sacked. Richard gets 18 back of the 3rd and 19. Raiders keep the offense out at the Dolphins' 8. Field goal is good and it's 10-3. Dolphins try Lynn Bowden Jr. on a reverse. Third down pass comes up short. FAKE PUNT! They get 22 and a first down.


Not a fan of the Dolphins' third-down play calls tonight. Sanders field goal makes it 10-6. Raiders are in field goal range. Warner wondering why they ran a running play on second down here. Carlson makes it 13-6 at halftime. Tua dumps it to Gaskin, who breaks a tackle and goes in for the score. PAT is good and we're tied. Tua gets crunched on a sack. Agholor breaks a half-hearted tackle attempt. Waller with a sliding catch on a tough throw by Carr. Witten makes a catch. Dolphins hold and the Raiders kick a field goal to regain the lead. Tua's lucky that wasn't intercepted. Waller with another great catch. But again the Raiders can't capitalize. Tua gets sacked on third down AGAIN. Renfrow with a nice punt return. Is that Gesicki's first catch tonight? Also, I just realized: where's Davante Parker? No wonder this offense looks so bad. Gesicki extends and makes a fingertip catch inside the Raiders' 10. Fitzpatrick in on 2nd down for some reason, and Mack Hollins drops the pass. Then he misses Gesicki on third down. Dolphins settle for three and we're tied with four minutes left. Apparently Fitzpatrick came in to start that drive? OK. Agholor with an over-the-shoulder catch! he bobs and weaves and he's going into the end zone! 75 yards! That's the best he's tracked a deep ball probably ever. Extra point is MISSED! Fitzpatrick throws short to Gaskin, who spins to the right, goes down the sideline, and HE'LL score! PAT is good and the Dolphins lead with 2:55 to go. Carr goes deep to Agholor and draws a DPI flag. Oh, I don't know about that one. Jacobs slides at the 1-yard line, which I don't recommend since it happened right after Liberty tried this twice in their bowl game and fumbled the second time. Raiders take a knee on third down, then Carlson hits from 22. Hollins makes the catch on a blown coverage, and a facemask will add 15 yards. That face mask happened while he was throwing the pass! They're in field goal range with time for a shot at the end zone. Pass is incomplete, and here comes Sanders. 44 yards. It's GOOD!



The Raiders blew their season thanks to an unnecessary and stupid penalty? That's never happened before. This final score, however, actually hasn't happened before. (Dolphins 26, Raiders 25)

Signal Finder: IND @ PIT, NYG @ BAL, CLE @ NYJ (end), PHI @ DAL


Didn't even try to run the ball. Colts don't have their starting tackles and Watt sacks Rivers on second down. Colts pick up 3rd and 8. Floater from Rivers almost gets picked off. First and goal Colts. Taylor gets enough blocking to get into the end zone. Snell gets stuffed on third and 2. The Steelers' schedule has been absolutely fucked, yes, for reasons completely not of their own making, and I'm not sure enough has been made of that. Another three and out. Rivers gets sacked again and the ball's out. Steelers recover! That feels like the first break they've gotten in three weeks. First and goal at the 3. Colts jump on a third down incompletion. Second chance leads to a Conner touchdown. Taylor picks up another first down. Then he breaks three tackles and scores from the 2-yard line. Rivers beats the Steelers' blitz and goes over the top to Pascal for a touchdown!


Ben misfires on third down and the Colts will get the ball back. Long run by Hines will come back. Reich outsmarts Tomlin by staying in a no-huddle but waiting to snap the ball until there are five seconds on the play clock and 24 on the game clock. Then the Steelers don't call time (they had all three!) until after the third-down play, leaving them no tine to do anything.


The Colts will get the ball to start the second half.


Colts driving again. Steelers get a clutch sack on third down. Blankenship adds a field goal. Steelers DRIVING? Been a while since that's happened. Ebron makes a catch to se tup first and goal. Snell gets nothing on first down. They run the play that cost the Seahawks a Super Bowl on third down and Claypool doesn't even catch it. Fourth down pass is broken up! Roethlisberger goes downfield to Johnson, who makes a diving catch for a touchdown! Steelers showing signs of life? They get a needed stop after that score. The Colts' Moore gets hit with a DPI. Touchdown Ebron! It's a three-point game! Heyward slams Rivers to the turf. Conner gets what feels like the longest Steelers run in six weeks. Rhodes gets flagged for illegal contact. Ben pump fakes and finds Juju for the touchdown! Steelers LEAD! Nantz plugs the Week 17 lineup with "We have no idea how this is gonna play out." Rivers gets hit on a long ball and Mike Hilton picks it off! The Steelers have never had a comeback this big under Tomlin. Colts call their last time out with 2:29 left. Pass to Johnson is short and he gets knocked out of bounds. Fourth down pass is incomplete but they're gonna get the Steelers for interference. Rivers misses T.Y. Hilton completely on second and 7. He goes down on third down. The fourth down throw is a little too high for Pascal and the Steelers pull it out! (Steelers 28, Colts 24)

The loser's likely toast. Tackle eligible on the first play? What? Ravens keep running it. Jackson drops back, has all kinds of time, and finds Hollywood for an easy touchdown. Giants moving backwards. Jackson finds Snead for a first down at the Giants' 19. Dobbins takes it to the 3. Touchdown Dobbins and it's 14-0 Ravens early. Weird bit when Jackson attempts a pump fake and the ball slips out of his hand. Dobbins breaks through a tackle and picks up a first down. Tucker hits and it's 17-0. Morris picks up a necessary first down for the Giants as we hit the two-minute mark. Jones overthrows high for Austin Mack in the end zone. Humphrey breaks up the pass on third down but gets flagged — but the refs pick it up. Field goal is good. Jackson to Andrews, who breaks away from Peppers and gets out of bounds with 42 seconds left. Jackson keeps it and gets to the 30. Ravens call their last time out. The Ravens keep their offense on the field with seven seconds left. The GIANTS call time out. Then the Ravens change their minds and send Tucker out to make it 20-3. Edwards with a big run before being caught from behind at the Giants' 40. Ravens end up punting. Judo blows up Shepard on a screen. Giants kick a field goal for some reason. Another big Ravens run, this time by Dobbins. Edwards turns the corner and gets inside the Giants' 10 as the third quarter ends. Dez! Touchdown! Judon brings down Jones. McPhee brings down Jones. Board brings down Jones. ROUGHING THE KICKER. Really, Ravens? It was 4th and 22! Lewis runs through a big hole. Jones finds Shepard for a touchdown. Jones is sacked for the sixth time. Edwards... is NOT in. Ruled out of bounds at the 1. Is this a fumble? It is! Giants have it but I doubt it matters at this point. Aaand it doesn't. (Ravens 27, Giants 13)


This is also true. (Chiefs 17, Falcons 14)
So there's that.
Hooper doesn't get the first down, but he does get out of bounds, which helps a little. So it's 4th and 1. Mayfield sneaks and I'm not sure he got it. Did the ball come out? It did! Are the Jets going to win AGAIN? Neither of these teams can do anything right. And now the Jets are locked in at #2. (Jets 23, Browns 16)


(Panthers 20, Washington 13)

No idea why this game's still in the late window. Also no idea why DeSean's active, let alone starting. Also not sure that hit on Sanders was actually late. Back-to-back scrambles by Hurts and the Eagles are in the red zone. I wouldn't throw a single pass today if I were coaching the Eagles. As soon as I say that, he completes one to Reagor for nine yards. Sanders picks up the first.


Hurts goes right and runs over Jourdan Lewis for the score, but replay shows he stepped out of bounds at about the 6. Still, this Cowboys defense is pathetic and drafting CeeDee Lamb in the first round instead of defense (Arnette, Queen, or Chaisson) was a fatal error. Sanders scores anyway. Dalton to Cooper for 35. Jacquet interferes with Gallup, who'd beaten him downfield. Dalton throws too far for Pollard. Field goal is good. JACKSON. WHAT THE HELL. TOUCHDOWN. Cowboys just gave up on that play. In better news for Dallas sports fans, the Mavericks are up 50 on the Clippers at halftime.


Elliott runs into the line on third and 4. That doesn't work. Cox on the sideline with his jersey off as we start he second period. That's a bad sign. Elliott catches a pass for a first down. Gallup reaches out to make a catch in traffic, then weaves through defenders for a touchdown. Scott fumbles the kickoff and it's ruled that the Cowboys recover! But replay shows he was out of bounds when he got the ball, so the Eagles should keep this. SHOULD. We have been here before. It's Eagles ball. Somehow the Giants are still alive if the Cowboys win this game. Hurts with a ton of time and he finds a wide-open Fulgham. Why is Jordan Howard getting carries?


That's a bad punt. Is Johnston still concussed?


Gallup speed down the sideline and is forced out after a 55-yard pickup. Dalton rolls right on 3rd and goal but he won't make it. Cowboys kick the field goal, which seems unwise even with how mediocre Zeke has been this season. Hurts finds Ward for a first down, then Goedert for another one. Elliott hits from 37. Dalton finds Schultz for 16 on 3rd and 2. The Eagles can't cover Gallup, who makes a great catch on the sideline. The Eagles can't cover Gallup, who catches a touchdown over Jacquet. 20-17 Cowboys at halftime. FOX's new cinematic camera is being wasted on this game. Lamb lights up the Eagles for a 52-yard touchdown. Eagles have gotten zero pressure on Dalton. Graphic says it's been 24-3 Cowboys since Cox went out. Eagles go three and out. Now it's Cooper making a big play downfield. That's 70 yards. My God. Jacquet fell down, it seems.


Why run the ball, Cowboys? Field goal is good. Quez Watkins again, this time for 43. Then Hurts is hit and fumbles, but Mailata is on top of it. Run the damn ball, Doug. Eagles get a stop? They line up to go for it on 4th and 3 but can't draw the Cowboys offside and get hit with a delay of game. I don't know why you do that with a running quarterback in a must-win game. Slay picks off Dalton! He jumped in front of Lamb. That's the first interception by an Eagles cornerback this season, which is an absolute joke of a stat. Eagles moving backwards as the third quarter ends. Another false start makes it 3rd and 23. DeSean makes his first appearance since his touchdown. Pass to Ertz comes up short. Vilma's actually right here; why not try a 51-yarder?


Zeke gets 13 on what has to be a gassed defense. Eagles suddenly find something in the passing game. About time, as the Cowboys' defense is bad all the way around. Reagor catch gets them into the red zone. Hurts is flushed to the left, throws on the run, and it's intercepted in the end zone. Jeffery draws a DPI flag. Hurts scrambles but the ball comes out. Cowboys have it. His knee's down. This should be Eagles ball. Call STANDS? The fuck? Also, it doesn't actually matter. It's just the principle of the thing. Lamb takes a jet sweep to the house. It's for the best. (Cowboys 37, Eagles 17)

Goff's looked awful the last two weeks. So have the rest of the Rams, to be fair. And now he's got a broken thumb? Uh-oh. (Seahawks 20, Rams 9)

Is Al back? Tirico's back in the studio. FROZEN TUNDRA. It is ACTIVELY snowing.



Al IS back. Packers get the ball first. Jones with a run for a first down. Allen Lazard back? Adams dives for a touchdown after eluding Adoree' Jackson. That was surgical. Extra point is no good. Titans decide to punt with Kern in stead of trying a 50-yarder in these conditions. It doesn't go well. Rodgers scrambles for 13. Defensive holding gives the Packers a first down. Tonyan's broken out this season. Is that a slide outside Lambeau? Footage of a lone skier "walking" a dog on the empty Green Bay streets. Second quarter starts with a touchdown pass to St. Brown. Packers go for two but it doesn't work. 12-0. Rodgers' two touchdowns tonight break a tie with Favre for the most ever by the home quarterback at Lambeau. Titans just have to keep doing what they do here. Which is NOT Tannehill throwing interceptions. A.J. Dillon getting some run tonight. Touchdown Adams! Zadarius Smith gets Tannehill. Another catch by Adams. Rodgers overthrows Tonyan on third and 8. Field goal is BLOCKED! And we've got a return! Al has NO idea what yard line they're at. THE TITANS WERE OFFSIDES. NONE of that counts. Wow. Cris: "That was very close to not being offsides." Now it's 4th and 3 and the Packers will go for it now. Sack! So the offsides ends up costing the Titans 52 yards of field position, but they still keep the Packers from scoring again and get the ball. Tannehill steps up in the pocket and finds Jonnu Smith in the end zone. 19-7 Packers at halftime. A.J. Brown runs off to the sideline after a catch. Third and 1 and Tannehill fakes it to Henry and keeps it. Is he gonna outrun these guys? Touchdown!


Jones appears to be stopped, but bounces it outside and goes down the sideline to the Titans' 10. Oh, he stepped out of bounds well before that. There's no challenge! The Packers get the next play off! Collinsworth notes that that run was down the Packers' sideline, and they sure weren't gonna say anything. Adams gets away from a double team and catches a touchdown pass! Back from break and we learn that not challenging the Jones play cost the Titans 56 yards. Dillon gets it on 4th and inches and goes 30 yards into the end zone untouched. Kirksey picks off Tannehill. Then Butler picks off Rodgers. Titans get nothing out of it and that's probably it for tonight. Washington-Philadelphia's the Sunday night game next week? WHY? That's a terrible game if Alex Smith doesn't play and will be a wipeout if he does.


Titans can't handle Adams. Touchdown Dillon. He does a Lambeau Leap and Lazard almost shoves him over the wall. (Packers 40, Titans 14)
We haven't seen Sony Michel in MONTHS. Double pass is DROPPED. Field goal is good. Andre Roberts returns the kickoff to near midfield. Mostly Singletary on this drive, even catching a pass for a first down. Field goal ties it. Cam's not human. How do you wake up at 4:30 in the morning and not have coffee for three and a half hours? Bills run a FAKE PUNT PASS and get a first down out of it! Allen has tons of time, but Taiwan Jones drops a touchdown despite having no one within five yards of him. Zack Moss gets a first down. The Bills rush the next play to get it in before the quarter ends, Allen throws an interception, but there's an offside penalty on the Patriots. Then Knox drops a touchdown. Moss finally just runs it in. J.C. Taylor? Both teams emptying the practice squads tonight, I see. Newton somehow escapes a sack, everyone stops for a blink, and then he takes off, makes three guys miss, and scores! Folk misses the extra point. Touchdown pass to Gabriel Davis is waved off. Knox catches a deflection in traffic. Allen to Lee Smith, their third tight end, for a touchdown. The Pats' top sacker only has three and a half? It's worse up there than I thought. Allen finds Diggs in a tight window, and he outruns double coverage and stumbles into the end zone. 24-9 Bills. Jordan Poyer tackles Cam and clearly loses that battle.


His replacement comes on a blitz two plays later and gets him. Then a bad low throw on third and 9 ends the drive. It's halftime. Pats challenge this Knox sideline catch and lose. Touchdown Diggs! Newton still in this game for some reason. The Bills have a left-footed punter. You wouldn't know that, as the Bills have the fewest punts this season. All kinds of contact on this fair catch. Let's sort it out while we pay for the cameras. Or not. Belichick already ready to challenge. The refs decide that no one actually contacted the ball, so the Patriots will get it after all. Stidham in at quarterback. Diggs makes a sliding catch for his third touchdown of the night. This is payback. Nothing more. I still can't believe Belichick came back after Brady left. (Bills 38, Patriots 9)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (14-1) — This is actually probably sustainable
2. Green Bay (12-3) — Learned their lesson from last week
3. Buffalo (12-3) — Feels like they're getting hot
4. New Orleans (11-4) — Don't forget


BOTTOM 4: 

29. (tie) Philadelphia (4-10-1) — Nothing's really changed
29. (tie) Cincinnati (4-10-1) — Rivalry games just mean more
31. Jacksonville (1-14) — Mike Glennon? Seriously?
32. N.Y. Jets (2-13) — NO DON'T DO THIS

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Wednesday, December 30, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 15: Prestige and Pride

So the Raiders, facing a must-win game, have a new defensive coordinator and are missing four defensive starters on a short week. And Erin just reported that offensive coordinator Greg Olson was just put on the COVID list. Good thing they're playing the Chargers. Raiders start on offense. Carr moves players around on 3rd and 3 but he and Renfrow can't connect. Buck: "So a guy named Storm who plays for the Lightning Bolts..." for their replacement right tackle. Herbert flips a screen to Allen, surprising everyone and getting seven yards. Tyron Johnson picks up a first down. Raiders are missing both corners and a defensive end. Allen gets open and gets inside the Raiders' 15. Herbert to Henry for a touchdown.


Play action pass to Jacobs gets 17. Then he gets 20 yards on a run to the right. Carr goes downfield to Agholor for 30 yards on third down and the Raiders are at the Chargers' 5. Carr rolls out and very obviously pulls his groin and goes out of bounds. Field goal is good. First quarter ends as Mariota warms up on the Raiders' sideline. And he's in after the Raiders force a punt.


Mariota fires one to Waller for a first down. Tough run for a first down. Touchdown Waller on a perfect throw. Herbert finds Guyton on the near sideline for 11 at the Raiders' 9. Field goal ties it. Not a good punt by Cole with a minute left. Touchdown Johnson! Chargers lead 17-10 at halftime. Mariota lunges and stretches the ball for a first down. Jacobs goes over the top for the score. We're tied. Herbert throws to Guyton in the end zone but he can't hang on. I'm not sure he ever lost possession? And Trayvon Mullen might have an equally solid case that he ended up with the ball at the end of that. This is immediately followed by a delay of game penalty on the Chargers. Henry goes to the middle of the field and makes an uncontested catch, then takes the ball to the 12. Mullen's having a rough night — he interfered with Mike Williams in the end zone. That's his third one tonight, I think. Kalen Ballage takes it in. Fourth quarter begins with the Raiders going for it on 4th and 2 from their 42. Mariota finds Agholor through a tight window to convert. Mariota just misses Agholor downfield and... is that Jaylen Watkins laying him out? He's still in the league?


Apparently Gruden was wearing an OAKLAND Raiders hat earlier tonight but he's got a Vegas one on now. Erin says she can already hear the Frank Caliendo bit in her head. Joey Bosa stops Jacobs on third and short. Fourth and 1 with 7:40 left at the Chargers' 9. Mariota is rushed but Waller gets open and bails him out. Mariota rolls right, dives for the end zone... and unlike Carr, he makes it! We're tied at 24. That was an 11-minute drive. Ekeler! Chargers kick a field goal on 4th and 3. No good!


Buck says that was bad all around, as the snap was low and the kick was veering left from contact. They've been playing it conservatively all night against a bad defense with a quarterback who's been nothing but good all season. Waller caught that? He did! Nice footwork to stay inbounds. Waller gets open down the sideline for another big play and his momentum carries him out of bounds. Chris Harris with the interception! Zay Jones couldn't handle it and Harris returns it 53 yards before Mariota tackles him.


Two minute warning with 1:54 left. So how do the Chargers blow this one? They even have all of their time outs. This will be AMAZING. Herbert gets sacked on 3rd and 2! Aikman can't believe they didn't hand off to Ekeler.


Badgley on for a 51-yarder now. Missed AGAIN. Mariota off target for Agholor twice. This time he catches it but only gets nine and doesn't get out of bounds.


They sneak it for some reason, get it, but don't have time to spike it and run a real play. Four seconds left. Think the Chargers will blitz? They're trying a 65-yarder here? Bad snap. Overtime. Raiders win the toss. Mariota goes left and stumbles out of bounds. Heyward almost intercepted that. Another Mariota keeper, this one for 17 down to the Chargers' 26. Jacobs makes a move and gets a first down. They review the spot and move him a half-yard back, taking the first down away. Fullback dive picks it up. 5:29 left. Jacobs escapes another tackle and gets to the 5. Raiders run it into the line twice for no ideal reason. 3:26 left. Pass is knocked down. Field goal is good. Mullen gets called for DPI AGAIN. Bomb to Guyton at the Raiders' 2! Herbert runs outside for some reason. They get Kwitakowski for lowering his helmet. FUMBLE! It's the Holy Roller rule! (Which was created in a game involving these two teams.) The ball goes back to the 1. Herbert sneaks it... TOUCHDOWN! "I was in!" crosses off Raiders (Chargers 30, Raiders 27, OT)

The Bills' kicker almost fell on the kickoff. That's not great. FOX crew and graphics for this one. Broncos start with three runs. Lock takes off and gets to the Bills' 36. New kicker for the Broncos as I believe McManus is in COVID protocol.  Field goal is... no good. Allen to Diggs for 15. Allen keeps it and gets seven to the Broncos' 16. Then he gets rushed and sidearms one to Beasley for a first down. Allen rolls right and finds Knox for a touchdown. Diggs beats good coverage for a first down. Allen to Beasley for 17. Allen pulls the ball down and runs in untouched. 24 yards! Bills muff the punt and the Broncos get it at the Buffalo 35. A much needed break. Lock keeper fools the camera crew. Touchdown Gordon. Allen's completion percentage is 10 points higher than last season, which seems unprecedented. Now Spencer fumbles this punt twice but recovers. Deep ball to Knox gets to the Broncos' 10, then a roughing penalty moves it to the 5. Statue of Liberty HANDOFF to Singletary goes for a touchdown but it's called back because of holding. Damn shame. Two more penalties and the Bills are looking at first and goal from the 30. Coming out of the two-minuet warning, Allen throws a laser to one-time Packer Jake Kumerow for a touchdown. Bills blitz a safety and force Lock into a bad throw. Levi Wallace has a pick six if he turns around. Late flag for roughing the passer comes out. Schlereth doesn't like the call. Good catch by Fant in the corner of the end zone. 21-13 Bills at halftime after the extra point is missed. Bills DRIVING. Pass to Davis gets close to the 1... but not quite. They measure and he got it by the nose of the football. Amin thinks that was a favorable spot. First and goal. I'd still expect a sneak here. Actually, Allen rolls right and reaches the pylon. Lock gets sacked and fumbles! Jerry Hughes picks it up, bobs and weaves for several seconds, then finally gets a block and returns it for a touchdown!


Diggs beats DeAndre Bausby for 55. Bills get stopped on 4th and 1 at the Broncos' 4. That's a Broncos touchdown. Call it a touchdown! Thank you. Diggs was carted off with a foot issue? Let's keep an eye on that. Onside kick doesn't work. Singletary jukes and jives and goes for a 51-yard touchdown to ice it. "Get the tables!" Josh Allen wasn't alive the last time the Bills won the AFC East. (Bills 48, Broncos 19)

So it turns out Al Michaels is in COVID protocols, so Tirico will be calling the next two SNF games and Joe Davis will replace him on his Saturday assignments, starting with this game. Packers win the toss and defer. Jones takes off for 47 yards. Williams follows with a big run of his own. Rodgers to Tonyan to the 1, and then Tonyan scores on the next pass. Don't know how D.J. Moore caught this. Slye hits from 36. That's another big run by Jones. Rodgers steps up in the pocket, then takes off and scores easily. 14-3 Packers early in the second. Kenny King gets called for lowering his helmet on the hit on Curtis Samuel that caused a fumble, giving the ball back to the Panthers. They go for it on 4th and 3 and Smith takes it down to the 1. TEDDY NO. He tried to go over the pile and the ball came out. King picks it up but I don't think he's outrunning Robby Anderson. He goes down after a 50-yard return. Jones kicks his run outside and there's nobody there. Touchdown. 21-3 Packers. Samuel with his second drop tonight. The Panthers can't stop any Packers running back — A.J. Dillon just went for 19. Packers somehow don't score again before halftime. Bridgewater basically recreates the Rodgers touchdown. Are fullbacks making a comeback? Anderson with a catch and run for 15 yards. Bridgewater scrambles for a first down on 3rd and 8. He takes off again, gets hit at the 2, fumbles, but it's ruled that the Panthers recover for a touchdown... that will come back because of offensive holding. They settle for three. Rodgers is sacked. Crosby hits and it's 24-13.


Moore gets free after a short pass and takes it down inside the 20. Panthers... kick the field goal? That's an interesting move.

It also prevents the Packers from running the clock out when they get the ball back (because an onside kick is very likely to fail here.) Panthers come after this punt and almost block it. The strategy worked — the Panthers have the ball with about a minute left. Bridgewater gets called for intentional grounding, moving them back 10 yards. They get 16 back. Fourth and four and the pass is off target. (Packers 24, Panthers 16)

Signal Finder: SF @ DAL, PHI @ AZ, KC @ NO

The 49ers have a fourth-string tackle playing guard, if you've forgotten how that's going. No Elliott, surprisingly. He had a calf injury that suddenly popped up. Both teams go three and out, Richie James fumbles the punt, and one ref signals 49ers ball while another signals Cowboys. It's Cowboys ball! Catch and run by Pollard creates first and goal. Pollard gets stopped at the line, but gets in on the next play. Masters promo ALREADY? REALLY? Mullens' arm is hit and he fumbles! Cowboys recover. This should stand after looking at the replays. TIGHT END SNEAK? That's one-time Oklahoma quarterback Blake Bell taking the direct snap. Dalton to Gallup for a touchdown and it's already 14-0 Cowboys. Niners get a first down finally. Bourne catches a slant for another first down. I see the Cowboys still can't stop the run — Mostert takes a sweep 15 yards to the 2. Mullens to Jordan Reed (!) for a touchdown. Now there's a fumble on the ensuing kickoff return and the 49ers recover! This game SUCKS. Replay shows that the returner was down, so this should get overturned. Big run by Pollard. Pocket absolutely collapses and Dalton loses 10 yards. Zeurlein hits from 48. Mullens goes down on a corner blitz. Wilson does NOT score on a goal-line situation, which is rare. What's with this rotating overhead camera? Who does this help? Mostert gets stopped on third down. 49ers call time out. Touchdown Aiyuk! They call it a pass, as Mullens flipped it to him coming across the line. What the hell is "Tough As Nails" and why are you telling us it's "returning?" The 49ers jump, Lamb makes a great catch over the middle, and Jimmie Ward gets the worst of the hit he put on him. Another protection breakdown for the Cowboys. Zeurlein tries a 60-yarder with 27 seconds left but it goes right. Offensive holding ends any chance the 49ers have at scoring before the half. Dalton loses the ball after a scramble but is ruled down. Shanahan challenges it and I don't think he'll win. He doesn't. Steratore doesn't like the decision. Cowboys punt. Mostert is clearly hurt on the sideline. Field goal ties it. Dalton gets flushed out of the pocket, throws on the run and hits Lamb downfield. Schultz breaks a tackle after  a swing pass and scores. Mullens goes deep to Juszczyk for 30 yards. Reed spins out of a tackle and goes down at the 1. Touchdown Wilson and we're tied again. Interception! Cowboys take over at the 49ers' 29. Gallup is OUT, per reports. 46-yarder puts the Cowboys back in front. Cowboys run a weird hook-and-ladder play that doesn't get a first down and they punt. Anthony Brown intercepts Mullens! Pollard gets two blocks and takes this one to the house. That's that, I'd think. Lawrence hits Mullens, forcing an incompletion. Is he hurt? Field goal makes it 34-27 with 40 seconds left. Cowboys call time out before the onside kick attempt. They recover the kick and Lamb takes off. Touchdown! Well then. Bourne catches a meaningless Hail Mary. (Cowboys 41, 49ers 33)

The Ravens' last two scores have been safeties. That seems uncommon. The Jaguars don't have a punter today, and honestly shouldn't punt again this season. What have they got to lose, more games? Touchdown Dez! (Ravens 40, Jaguars 14)

crosses off Vikings (Bears 33, Vikings 27)


The Eagles have no one left at cornerback. Diving catch by Fitzgerald. This is just pitch-and-catch by the Cardinals to start. Kevon Seymour hits Arnold in the head with his arm after a 12-yard gain, giving the Cardinals a first down. He was literally selling tires a month ago. This is what we're dealing with.


Running quarterbacks have killed the Eagles this season. Eagles say Murray fumbled this but the refs disagree. No challenge. Short pass to Hopkins but he coughs it up and the Eagles recover! Hurts overthrows Ward on the run and is lucky he's not trying to keep Isaiah Simmons out of the end zone. Hurts throws this one away under pressure. It's called intentional grounding, and that's a safety. That's a not-great throw by Murray that Michael Jacquet gets a hand on. Murray gets pressured again and throws incomplete. Cardinals swarm Sanders, led by Jordan Hicks, who may have played more games in two years with the Cardinals than he did in four years with the Eagles.



Barnett makes another stupid mistake with that late hit. Terrible tackling, especially by Mills, leads to a Murray touchdown. Remember what I said about running quarterbacks killing the Eagles this season? Screen to Reagor loses six. Hurts gets chased down from behind. Is that Beau Allen? Then the punt gets blocked! It rolls out of bounds, delaying a touchdown. Murray passes to Chase Edmonds out of the backfield and there's the touchdown that was delayed. Jeffrey somehow stays inbounds. Hurts finds Goedert for another first down. First quarter ends. Golden blows up a reverse for a 10-yard loss. Hurts goes deep to Reagor in the end zone but Peterson breaks it up. Screen to Quez Watkins and he... scores?! Nobody seemed ready for that. Hopkins with a ridiculous catch between two defenders. That's 45 yards. Kirk gets ridden out of bounds short of the first down. Nugent field goal is good and it's 19-7. Is Brandon Gaudin sitting down? It is NOT Beau Allen, sadly. Murray goes down and the ball comes out. Eagles have it! His knee never hit the ground. Sanders gets stopped on third down. Eagles go for it, and Hurts finds Ward for a touchdown. Murray throws downfield to Arnold, who catches a low pass. First down Fitzgerald. That's not a penalty on Robey-Coleman, or at least it shouldn't be. Murray fumbles AGAIN but his center recovers it. Murray rolls left and finds Fitzgerald for a touchdown.


And he'll be catching touchdown passes against the Eagles three years after he's dead. Ertz gets open downfield and is knocked out of bounds at the Cardinals' 25 for a 42-yard play. Very obvious DPI on Fitzpatrick. Hurts keeper goes nowhere. These are some awful goal-line play calls. Ward makes a jumping catch but he's ruled out of bounds. Wait, hang on. Was he in? Booth calls for a review. One angle looks like a touchdown, one doesn't. Call REVERSED. Touchdown. The Eagles change their minds and decide to go for two, which seems weird down six in the first half. They run Sanders up the middle and... he doesn't make it. Cheerleaders in the rafters? Murray scrambles but can't get out of bounds. Snap goes awry but the Cardinals weren't even close to being set. Hopkins gets a first down out of bounds. Murray throws downfield to Johnson, but he can't get out of bounds and the half ends. 26-20 Cardinals. Eagles punt from the Cardinals' 42. Mills breaks up a pass intended for Arnold on third and 12. Reddick brings down Fulgham, who hasn't been heard from in a month. Eagles punt. Jake Elliott actually punted that, as Cameron Johnston... has a concussion? Oh.


Edmonds run sets up first and goal. What the hell? Murray throws it right to Marcus Epps in the end zone. Hurts gets sacked and loses 14. 3rd and 29. That's fine. Reagor gets 23 on a short pass-and run. Eagles don't appear to be punting here, which is odd because they were seven yards closer on the last series and punted. Hurts keeps it and picks it up. Peterson gets called for interference on Jeffery. Hurts escapes a sack, scrambles, and dives into the end zone. Bad snap on the extra point, and Ertz is apparently the backup holder? The PAT never goes off and we're tied at 26.


Third quarter ends. FAKE PUNT! And it's caught by the guy who blocked the punt in the first quarter. That's just rubbing it in. Cardinals have Murray just drop back and pass and fail to convert 4th and 2. Eagles waste this break by going three and out. That's a better punt from Elliott than last time. Good God. Murray to Hopkins for 40. Then Hopkins makes a leaping catch in the back of the end zone. Cardinals lead. Ward moves the chains, as usual. Hurts finds Jeffrey downfield for 40. Is he gonna pull this off? Don't give me hope. Well, that's back-to-back sacks. And then he and Goedert fail to hook up twice.


They use their time outs on defense and get the ball back with 1:28 to go. Hurts somehow finds Fulgham. Peterson breaks up a pass intended for Jeffrey and is furious, claiming HE was interfered with. Fulgham again! Goedert can't hang on to a low throw in the end zone. Hurts throws a Hail Mary too far. One last chance. This one will stay in the end zone... and fall incomplete. (Cardinals 33, Eagles 26)


I mean, yes. Yes, it would. Also the Rams got outplayed by a terrible team yet again at the worst possible time. (Jets 23, Rams 20)

Wait, where's James Brown? Brees back, but this third-down pass is low and incomplete. Mahomes throws up a bomb, a flag comes out while the ball's still in the air, and the Saints get an interception that I don't believe will count. It doesn't. Tyreek Hill makes the catch but gets stopped immediately and actually loses five. Brees gets picked! Bell fumbles, Kelce picks it up and takes off. He scores but this is coming back, as Bell was pretty clearly down by contact. Hill sneaks in underneath and Mahomes finds him for the score. Brees 0-for-5 so far.


Hill makes a catch but steps out of bounds. Touchdown Kelce. Kamara finally gets the Saints' offense going. Brees uncorks one to Sanders for 51 yards down to the Chiefs' 3. Taysom in and he'll take it in himself.



Weird situation here after this Wisniewski play that I'm sure wasn't the actual play call — the Chiefs are going to lose this down, but it will negate the illegal touching penalty in the process. Wait, that's backwards — the call will stand and it'll still be fourth down. Chiefs punt. Chiefs punt again and an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty buries the Saints. Saints end up punting, Robinson fumbles the ball, it goes into the end zone, but the Saints can't fall on it! Hardman got hurt on an earlier long pass, which is why Robinson's back there in the first place. He's gotta just go down. And Anzalone has to grab it instead of just falling on the ball. Wait, how is this a safety again? Free kick return only gets to the 40 and it's 14-9 Chiefs at the half. Saints start the second half. Mathieu drops an interception in the end zone. Murray goes left and reaches the pylon for a touchdown. Saints lead even after the two-point try fails. Sammy Watkins lives. Touchdown Hardman! That's unreal placement by Mahomes on that throw. Look at this:


Whoa! They just tossed Cam Jordan! Touchdown Bell. Chiefs get the two-point try and that might be it. Mahomes goes down and he fumbles! Saints ball and they've got a real chance here. Brees to Kamara for a touchdown. 29-22 Chiefs. Mahomes takes off for 20. Kelce picks up the first down. Chiefs get stopped at the 3 and kick it to go back up two scores, which is the right move. Make them score twice. Touchdown... Humphrey? Who are these guys? The Saints don't onside kick, which I'm a little surprised by. First down Kelce. First down Bell. That's game. (Chiefs 32, Saints 29)

Browns-Giants is classic? Whatever you say, Carrie. I didn't know Bret Beilema was even on the Giants' staff. So Freddie Kitchens will be calling plays for the Giants tonight. Browns by 24. Unless they ever bring down Dion Lewis on this kickoff return. He's into Browns territory! Colt McCoy starts for the Giants, and he was originally drafted by the Browns. "Omaha" is apparently not dead. McCoy hard count gets the Browns. Giants try a fake field goal pass? No idea what that was, other than completely unnecessary. Just run a play if you're gonna go for it.


Giants are also without CB James Bradberry, their best at that position. This was supposed to be Odell Beckham Jr.'s return, too. Flea-flicker screen? OK. McCoy finds Slayton down the sideline for a big gain. Engram can't haul in what would have been a touchdown. Gano hits from 37. Tirico's never not seen the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree in person and he acknowledges he's running out of time this year. Giants don't bother covering Hooper and he gets a first down. Mayfield stands in under pressure and finds Higgins downfield in Giants territory. Mayfield eventually keeps it himself and runs to the 3 on second and goal. Giants lose Hooper again and he'll catch a touchdown. Lewis fumbles into the air but the Giants hang on to it. Again, why is Alfred Morris getting meaningful carries in 2020? Slayton slips in the back of the end zone. Giants go for it on fourth down and Gallman doesn't even get close. He was stopped at the 4. Hunt goes left for 14. Browns with first and goal with 44 seconds left. Chubb gets to the 3. Touchdown Landry. Then he gets into it with a Giants defender and gets flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct. (It looked like the other guy started it.) This moves the extra point try back, and Parkey misses. So it's 13-3 Browns at halftime. Neither team starting off the second half all that well. Talk of Beckham and THAT catch. Mayfield throws a dart to Landry at the Giants' 16. Chubb breaks a tackle and scores, but there's a flag. Clipping on Jack Conklin will take it off the board. Chubb catches a pass in the middle of the field and takes it to the 1. Touchdown Chubb. Another 95-yard touchdown drive by the Browns. PAT makes it 20-3. Graphic shows the two worst offenses in the league reside here. Here's the thing: The Giants are bad. Engram makes a 25-yard catch. Gano sneaks a field goal inside the uprights. Onside kick goes to the Browns. Giants with a useless challenge, like most things they've done in the last several years. (Browns 20, Giants 6)

Curfew was waived for this. 12,000 visitors in the house tonight. They'll see their guys get the ball first. First pass is underthrown and almost intercepted. Steelers go three and out and Derek Watt goes down hard covering this punt. Camera is steadily on brother T.J., and frankly, he looks worried. Ryan Finley starts at quarterback for the Bengals tonight with Brandon Allen hurt. He is not to be confused with Ryan Lindley, who may be the worst quarterback I've ever seen start an NFL game. Steelers absolutely blow up this third down outside run. Bengals also go three and out again. Bad snap! Bengals recover. Finley hits Tee Higgins to set up first and goal. SACK. Austin Seibert's first field goal is good. The Steelers look awful right now. Big-time throw by Finley to Green for 30. Then he goes long for Boyd but it's broken up and Boyd is down. Steelers telegraph a safety blitz but Finley can only scramble for two on 3rd and 5. Field goal isn't even close. A 55-yarder with a rookie kicker on 4th and 3? I wouldn't have done that. Juju gets DETONATED on a short pass and it falls incomplete. Bengals challenge this, wanting a catch and fumble. Call REVERSED. Bengals ball! Announcers remember ex-Steeler Kevin Greene, who passed away today at only 58. Two straight first down passes to Tee Higgins. Gio Bernard picks through a hole and scores!


Snell gets stonewalled on third down. He's at least a yard short. Steelers go for it on fourth and I think Snell gets it. Yep. Ben looks for Ebron, but it's broken up and he takes a shot. Is anybody going to survive this game? It's also the second time Roethlisberger's missed an open Claypool. Interception! Mackenzie Alexander hops up and picks off Roethlisberger, then high-steps out of bounds and takes a late hit to add 15 more yards.


Bernard gets a first down. Finley passes to Bernard for a touchdown and this is turning into a disaster. Levy inadvertently references the Jupiter-Saturn convergence. (Riddick thought it was intentional.) Alexander stunts in front of Juju after forcing an incompletion out of bounds. Seriously, there's gonna be a fight tonight at this rate. Ben gets sacked. It's halftime. Steelers finally get a big play with a screen to Claypool that he turns into a 37-yard gain. Touchdown Johnson! Snell breaks off a nice run. Claypool can't make a one-handed grab in the end zone. The pocket collapses around Ben but he somehow finds room and Johnson salvages two yards with a diving catch. Boswell field goal is good, making him 41-for-41 in his career against the Bengals. 17-10. No drops tonight so far for the Steelers, so something's gotten better. Snell gets STUFFED. Finley takes a big hit (Including a shot to the head that doesn't get called) and still finds Green for a first down. The Bengals run a fake handoff, Finley keeps it and cruises 23 yards into the end zone. He's never scored an easier touchdown and likely never will. Juju gets open and picks up 22. This one should have been picked off. Roethlisberger goes over 60,000 yards passing and it probably came later in the game than we figured. The Steelers get stopped again on third down. They've been awful in short yardage situations tonight. Fourth down pass is incomplete, but there's a DPI flag. Snell cashes in immediately. Steelers do NOT go for two here, instead kicking the extra point. 24-17 Bengals, 5:32 left. Don't know why the Bengals are running back-to-back quarterback keepers with their third-stringer but whatever. That's why they're still the Bengals, I suppose. The Steelers will get the ball back. Pressure forces a throwaway. Ben launches one on third down but it's broken up. That probably could have been interference. Two minute warning. Throw is too high for Washington! Bengals take over. Third and 1 and the Bengals line up in the shotgun. Why? They don't get the first down and call time out, then bring out the field goal unit. 33-yarder is GOOD. The Steelers have a problem. (Bengals 27, Steelers 17)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (13-1) — Getting everyone's best shot
2. Green Bay (11-3) — Did well to hang on
3. Buffalo (11-3) — Feels like they're getting hot
4. New Orleans (10-4) — Not an ideal result, but an understandable one

BOTTOM 4:
29. (tie) Philadelphia (4-9-1) — Just let it end
29. (tie) Cincinnati (3-10-1) — Rivalry games just mean more
31. Jacksonville (1-13) — You know they didn't even have the No. 1 pick in their expansion draft?
32. N.Y. Jets (1-13) — NO DON'T DO THIS



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Sunday, December 20, 2020

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: The Uprising

It's a rematch of the worst Super Bowl of the 21st century! The Rams' Cam Akers casually runs for 35 yards. He's grabbed the lion's share of carries over the last couple of weeks. Kupp is forced out of bounds at the 1. Goff sneaks on fourth down. Are we sure he made it? Oh, OK. Didn't realize he went over the top. Patriots are stopping the run as well as the Cowboys right now. They finally stop a screen to Woods. But he makes a 14-yard catch on the next play (3rd and 12). Goff is called for intentional grounding, creating 3rd and 18. Akers slows down after this catch and ends up two yards short. Field goal is good, and they pick up a flag, so it's 10-0. Still nothing from the Patriots. Interception? Interception! Touchdown! Or not, as he appears to be down by contact. The throw to Woods was low and Bryant took it out of his hands. Review confirms this. Now THIS one's intercepted and it's a pick-six for Kenny Young! Cam couldn't see anything there. Extra point is nearly blocked but it's 17-0 Rams. Newton finds Jamere Byrd wide open inside the Rams' 20. Did the patriots just run back-to-back quarterback sneaks? Nope, that fourth-down play call was worse. No idea what the plan was. If it was a pass, it took too long to develop, and if it was a run, it took too long to develop. Cam finds Meyers downfield for a nice gain. N'Keal Harry converts 3rd and 5. Graphic shows Belichick can't draft wide receivers, which I've only been telling you for the last three years. Cam avoids a sack and picks up seven. Pass to Meyers is short of the sticks. Folk kicks it through, and that sets a new record for consecutive games with a first-half score. Rams get stopped and the Patriots get the ball back with 30 seconds left. Pass is tipped and Meyers not only saves it, but catches it. Slant is incomplete and it's Hail Mary time. They hand it off to White for... some reason. There's a penalty, but it's on the offense. Halftime. Pretty sure Hill got away with interference on Harry on third down. Akers still doing whatever he wants. I don't think we've even seen Henderson yet. This is short. They measure and it's still short. Rams give it to Akers and he picks it up. Fourth and 1 at the Patriots' 4 now. First the Rams try to draw the Patriots offside and fail. Then they call time out. Then the Patriots actually DO jump offsides. Goff rolls right and hits Kupp for a touchdown. Stidham is in at quarterback with 10 minutes left. He throws on 4th and 4 but it's broken up. Kupp gets 22 on 2nd and 21. Woods gets behind the defense but has to come back to the throw and can't catch it. Stidham gets sacked. That's No. 6 tonight. Joe and Troy are going to Vikings-Bucs? When's the last time they did an early game on a FOX doubleheader week? And why was Saints-Eagles not buried? And why did Belichick come back to coach THIS team? (Rams 24, Patriots 3)

Signal Finder: KC @ MIA, AZ @ NYG, NO @ PHI, WSH @ SF (end)

Mike Nugent back? More importantly, Daniel Jones back. He's sacked and the ball is picked up by ex-Giant Markus Golden! He returns it inside the 10! Some things never change. Christian Kirk takes a sweep to the 1. Drake is stopped on third down. Cardinals go for it. They roll Murray out, and Bradberry breaks up the pass in the end zone. Giants fail to capitalize on the Cardinals' failure to capitalize. Murray has nowhere to go and takes off. 34-yarder by Nugent is good. Was he a Cardinal before? (Yes, for two games back in 2009.) Logan Ryan almost intercepts Murray, but Hopkins plays defense and breaks it up. Andy Lee's still playing? Good protection by the offensive line, giving Murray time to find the tight end. More questionable playcalling by Kingsbury leaves the Cardinals out of the end zone. 6-0. Lewis fumbles the kickoff return. Cardinals recover! Hang on, what? The ball was KICKED out of his hands? Blandino says they can't review that part of it. Murray with a high throw. Touchdown to Dan Arnold in the back of the end zone. Jones finds Slayton for a first down, but three plays later he throws one out of his reach. Cardinals run to the line to try to beat the review of this Arnold catch. They don't, and it looks like he couldn't maintain control. It'll be fourth and 5. They'll pass on a 54-yard field goal to punt. Jones is sacked and fumbles AGAIN, but this time he recovers it. The Cardinals are going to get the ball back here. Nugent on for a 55-yard try. Kenny Albert notes that Nugent, Vilma and Kingsbury were all on the 2005 Jets. Kick is short. 13-0 Cardinals at halftime, and they'll get the ball to start the third quarter. Drake breaks one. Maxx Williams down at the Giants' 1. Drake breaks the plane for a touchdown. Hey, look, the Giants still stink. McCoy is warming up as Nugent kicks the extra point, but Jones comes back out for the Giants. He passes to Gallman for a first down. Gallman runs for 14 and the Giants have finally crossed midfield. Bomb to Tate to the 1. Lewis scores too quickly for the announcers. Hopkins left all alone and gains 40 yards. Murray goes down on 3rd and 13 and the Cardinals punt. Jones goes down again and he fumbles again, but the Giants manage to keep it. Shepard makes a tough catch on 3rd and 15 for a first down. Jones is sacked AGAIN. Cardinals add another field goal. Now McCoy's in and HE gets sacked. That's seven today, and four just by Hassan Reddick. Make it five. (Cardinals 26, Giants 7)



ANOTHER miss by Bailey. He looks done.


Something's going on out there, and it's not good. (Buccaneers 26, Vikings 14)

Dolphins are down several running backs. Grant drops what would have been a big pass over the middle. This Mahomes ball is tipped and Byron Jones intercepts it! Wait, that was his first interception since 2017? How the hell did he get paid? They try a wide receiver pass with rookie Lynn Bowden Jr., but it takes too long to develop and falls incomplete. Nantz just jinxed Jason Sanders. Chiefs take over. Reid's not wearing his full face shield, instead opting for this weird configuration of a triangular-shaped mask that only covers his mouth and nose. WHAT? This is a chase down sack. 30 yards! That's more than a breakdown, that's a demolition. Mahomes thought he could outrun the dude, I guess. Touchdown to Gesicki. Oh dear.


Mahomes just didn't put enough on that one. Third down pass is too high for Parker. Field goal is good and it's 10-0 Dolphins.


Nantz notes that Hill hasn't been targeted yet. Two plays later they do and he's in the end zone. Tua throws a deep ball up for Grant, but he can't catch it and Mathieu ends up with it! That's his fourth in he last three games. He gets in Austin Jackson's face afterwards after the Dolphins' rookie hits him after the play ends, Jackson outweighs Mathieu by probably 100 pounds. Three straight plays for Bell. Touchdown Kelce.


Parker returns after the kickoff. Edwards-Helaire back and breaking tackles as the second half starts. There's Hill again. Touchdown Chiefs. PUNT RETURN TOUCHDOWN. Hardman goes to the near sideline and 67 yards later he's in the end zone. 28-10 Chiefs. That wasn't even two minutes in game time.


Kelce converts 3rd and 3 and gets 28 to the Dolphins' 43. Chiefs go deep again. Hardman fumbles and the Dolphins have it. Safety! Xavien Howard picks off Mahomes in the end zone! That's five straight games for him with one. That's also Mahomes' third pick today and this game would be 50-10 without them. Mack Hollins (!) with a catch. Gesicki outjumps Thornhill and that's a touchdown. Chiefs go three and out. There's still 10 minutes left. Dolphins are going no-huddle but this doesn't seem like a very hurried drive. The Dolphins get a pass interference call on Hitchens in the end zone. Tua sneaks it, and after a delay, the refs signal touchdown! This is somehow a one-score game! Edwards-Helaire gets stopped on 3rd and 1. Reid calls time out. Quick convo and Mahomes goes back out. This is going to the right, as Hill, Kelce and Watkins are all lined up over there. Mahomes flips it to Hill and they get it. This penalty will stop the clock and might also help the Dolphins by moving the Chiefs back. Butker on for a 46-yarder. It's good. Nantz notes that they're now up nine because of the safety. Dolphins get a last gasp field goal but the onside kick goes right to Robinson. Nantz and Romo wonder if the Chiefs are better than last year. (Chiefs 33, Dolphins 27)


(Seahawks 40, Jets 3) 

Burkhardt says the Eagles are "slumping." Saints get the ball first... and go three and out. First Hurts play is a keeper. Hurts scrambles for five on 3rd and 4. They've barely used sanders the last three weeks. Is that changing? Reagor gets flattened on 3rd and 8, only getting seven. The Eagles go for it and Hurts picks it up. Eagles suddenly having timing issues. Back-to-back penalties turn 3rd and 1 into 3rd and 11. Hurts goes right but doesn't make it. Eagles go for it again but Malcolm Jenkins buries Sanders. Hill finds an open Thomas for a first down. Slay stops Thomas on third down. Lutz MISSES. Hurts just misses Reagor on a deep crossing route. Quez Watkins gets his first play on a jet sweep. Reagor WIDE open and gets 40! Someone blow a coverage? Hurts keeper gets two on 3rd and 3. Pederson going for it again. Hurts finds Jeffery for a touchdown. Kamara finds a hole. The Eagles intercepted a pass? It's the apocalypse. That came off a deflection. It's only their fourth interception of the season (and linebackers have two of them), which is pathetic by itself and devastating when you consider how bad the offense has been most of the year. Eagles challenge this Ertz incompletion on the sideline. Is his right foot on the ground when he catches it? I think that's the question here. Call STANDS. Moose wonders if it was the left foot that the officials thought came up. Yeah, I don't know about that one. Elliott is good from 44. Taysom zips one past Robey-Coleman to Thomas for seven on 3rd and 4. Hill gets stuffed on third and short. Ward doesn't field the punt and it rolls to the 4. Maddox is heading to the locker room. Hurts keeps it and gets a first down, but doesn't go out of bounds. SANDERS! 82 yards! See what happens when you give him the ball, Doug?



Hill's mostly looked the way we thought he'd look. Goedert breaks a tackle, gets a first down, AND gets out of bounds. Hurts takes off down the near sideline and he'll get out of bounds as well. That's the biggest difference I've seen so far: Hurts is making much quicker decisions. Add five for illegal contact on the other side of the field. Another Hurts run. He slides at the Saints' 8 and calls time with nine seconds left. Elliott CLANGS off the upright and MISSES a 22-yarder. Good God. 17-0 Eagles at halftime.


Block Cam Jordan, please. Eagles blitz and Hill hits Kamara at the Eagles' 10. Now SLAY's down. Why run it facing a secondary that currently consists of Jalen Mills and street free agents? Easy touchdown for Kamara on a sweep. Slay AND McLeod are off with injuries. That's 100 yards for Sanders, the first player to rush for 100 on the Saints in 56 games. Eagles go for it again. Hurts sneak has NO chance. Saints take over.


Duke Riley can't cover Michael Thomas. Hill hits Emmanuel Sanders for a 37-yard touchdown. He held on through the contact. If I'm the Saints, I call nothing but pass plays from here on out. They... do not do this.


Sweat sacks Hill, who also fumbles, but it's irrelevant, and the Eagles will take over. Now Hurts is over 100 yards rushing. There's Ward. Sanders scores after some penalty foolishness. 24-14 Eagles. Hill finds Thomas over the middle. Saints... not exactly operating with a sense of urgency here. Hargrave with a sack. Sweat with a sack on the next play. Burkhardt points this out: It's the two-minute warning and the Saints are stuck having to try a 54-yarder on 4th and 16. No good! HURTS NO. He fumbles and the Saints recover! Thomas again. Hill misses a wide-open Sanders in the end zone. Touchdown Cook! He makes a great catch over Singleton, who had it covered pretty well. Extra point is good. Here's the onside kick. It's a Zuerlein spinner. FALL ON IT, EAGLES. Now there's a scrum. Ungodly things are happening down there. After everyone unpiles, it's Eagles ball. Oh, it hit off an Eagles player's leg. That's why everyone went nuts all at once.


How did the Eagles recover that? Unless it slipped around in all that confusion. Upset of the Year of the Week. Hurts made quick decisions and Pederson finally outcoached somebody. I still feel nothing. (Eagles 24, Saints 21)

The first SNF in Buffalo in 13 years! Tirico and Collinsworth on the call. You too good for the Bills Mafia, Al? After four do-nothing drives, Allen throws up a duck and Mike Hilton intercepts it. It's visibly snowing, but apparently not on the field. This drive also goes nowhere. First quarter ends and the Bills didn't seem to realize it had. Cool shot of Niagara Falls. Cris did NOT go over on a barrel. Tomlin and McDermott were teammates at William & Mary in the mid-90's? Huh. Juju gets a first down in traffic. Ebron with his 6,719th dropped pass in the last three weeks.


Knox can't handle this pass and the Steelers end up with it! It never hit the ground, so is it an interception or a fumble? (For bookkeeping purposes, it was a catch and fumble.) Conner fumbles but the Steelers retain. Roethlisberger to Washington for a touchdown. Everyone's got butter fingers tonight. Diggs makes the catch, bounces off Fitzpatrick, and runs for abut 15 more yards. A roughing call adds 15 more. Steelers turn up the pressure and Allen throws three incompletions. Field goal is good. Taron Johnson jumps the route and it's a pick-six for the Bills! Extra point is missed. 9-7 at halftime.


Singletary gets through a hole and gets 14. Allen to Diggs on a slant, and Nelson just doesn't try to tackle him. Touchdown Bills. Ben gets sacked. Diggs can't be stopped right now. No Joe Haden doesn't help matters. Allen throws over the defense to Davis in the back corner for a touchdown! This is wild.


Steelers putting something together here. Roethlisberger throws it out of the end zone. Bills get flagged for holding, and rightfully so. Easy touchdown for Juju. Ebron actually catches the two-point conversion. 23-15 Bills. Allen finds McKenzie to convert 3rd and 10. That's big. Field goal is good (and the Steelers were lucky to only give up three after DPI put the ball at the 1.) McCloud tries to hurdle Poyer and does not succeed. Long ball to Washington is intercepted by Wallace. He's not down, so he gets up and runs. Allen to Knox for 16. Now they're feeding Zack Moss, and with 3:30 left, the Steelers should probably consider using their time outs. Or not, whatever. I got no dog in this fight. Al won the Ford C. Frick Award! It's excellence in baseball announcing and goes in the Hall of Fame. Tirico wonders how he hadn't already won it. That's two good wins in a row for the Bills. I think they're actually legit. (Bills 26, Steelers 15)

LANDRY PASS? It ends up being a screen to Chubb and he picks up 11. Have the Browns called a running play yet? They may here on 2nd a 1. Nope, it's play action to Higgins, who gets the ball punched out of his hands for the second straight play. This time it goes out of bounds. He heads to the bench. Touchdown Chubb. Flea-flicker falls apart and the Ravens lose two. The third down play also breaks down but Jackson scrambles about 20 yards to get six and a first down. Stewart runs right into Hollywood Brown and gets called for interference. Jackson almost slips but escapes and picks up 13. Edwards gets stonewalled. Jackson finds a hole and follows Orlando Brown Jr. into the end zone. We're tied at 7. Landry fumbles but somehow gets it back despite three Ravens players being on him immediately. They pass up a 54-yard attempt only to throw an incompletion, but there's a flag. Interference on Jimmy Smith. First down Browns. Second quarter begins with highlights of a Cowboys-49ers game in 1977, the only other time two Heisman quarterbacks faced each other on Monday Night Football (Roger Staubach beat Jim Plunkett.) Then Parkey misses a field goal. Jackson slips again and this time he's kept down. Dropped by Higgins, who's having a rough night so far. Dobbins powers through for 17. Then he slips on the next play. Jackson takes it right and down inside the Browns' 15. That's 100 rushing yards already for the Ravens. Touchdown Edwards. Big pass to Peoples-Jones. Touchdown Chubb. That was easy. 14-14. Jackson slips TWICE on the same play and loses 11. Strange intentional grounding call on Mayfield there. His arm was clearly hit as he threw it, redirecting the throw sideways. He looks baffled. During the break, new cleats are brought out for Jackson. He almost runs into his own man, scrambles to the opposite direction, and finds Mark Andrews, who is somehow left open and gets to the Browns' 15. Touchdown Jackson! Somehow there wasn't anyone in front of him when he took off. Hail Mary time. This is LAUNCHED. That's out of the end zone! Chuck Clark ran into the goalpost. Halftime! Jackson with another trademark big run. Touchdown Edwards. Does Mayfield roll out on every pass play? This should be the Eagles' offense. They go down the sideline to Hunt for 26! Yeah, he's inbounds. Hunt barrels through the line for a touchdown. Parkey MISSES the extra point! Jackson finds Andrews in a tight window to convert 3rd and 7. Later he misses Andrews long and the Ravens have to punt.


Mayfield gets picked off! Bowser returns it to the 1! Mayfield waited too long. Dobbins cashes in immediately. Extra point is BLOCKED. That leaves it at 34-20. Facing fourth and 4, the Browns go for it and Mayfield finds Landry. Deep ball to Higgins falls incomplete as pass interference isn't called. The Browns are challenging that the Ravens had 12 men on the field. That's petty as hell and something I'd expect from Harbaugh. (I also don't think I knew you could challenge that.) HOW many? Third quarter ends. Jackson's not on the Ravens' sideline. Protection breaks down and Mayfield takes off, but he can't get the first down. Ravens call time out because they were about to get caught overloaded AGAIN. Higgins WIDE open for a touchdown! They go for two, and the pass goes off Hunt's hands... and is caught by Peoples-Jones!


Lisa reports Jackson has cramps, so McSorley is in because Griffin's on the injured list.


Brown drops his third pass of the night, and the Ravens go three and out. Chubb powers his way through tackles and gets to the Ravens' 9. Mayfield scrambles right and takes it in himself! Extra point is... good, and the Browns lead with 6:14 left. Weird that these two teams' other division makes play next Monday night. McSorley still out there. And now McSorley's down and grabbing his knee. He slipped, too. Jackson suddenly back on the sideline. He's back in on 4th and 5. He rolls out and finds Brown over the middle, and he'll catch it and score!



Ravens going for two up five. Dobbins gets it. Holy hell. Hunt makes a catch for 16 yards. Another pass to Hunt and he gets to the pylon and I just lost my playoff game. There's still 1:04 left. Extra point is GOOD. Andrews breaks a tackle for a first down. Another completion to Andrews. the Browns should use their time outs at this point, because Tucker's not missing this kick. Snead gets six. CALL TIME OUT, BROWNS. Ravens spike it with seven seconds left. 55 yards. Of COURSE it's good. The multiple-laterals kickoff ends with a safety, which is... oddly fitting.




(Ravens 47, Browns 42)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (11-1) — Almost gave that one away
2. Green Bay (10-3) — I'll have the usual
3. Buffalo (10-3) — I'm pretty sure this is the highest I've ever put them
4. New Orleans (10-3) — This wasn't Sean Payton's finest hour

BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (4-9) — They won, but they beat...
30. Cincinnati (2-10-1) — Still a lot of things to figure out
31. Jacksonville (1-12) — Nothing to lose except more games
32. N.Y. Jets (0-13) — And this was a boatracing


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